Trendy Funny Quotes

  • I used to party all night. Now I check the weather forecast for the next day to see if it’s a good laundry day.
  • I just tried on my summer wardrobe. The only thing I managed to get into was a state of panic.
  • My wife has the worst taste in men.
  • When pregnant women are around, watch what you say. Nowadays, anything will be used as a name.
  • Girls will be like “I have so much to do” then grab some snacks and start watching a 10 part docuseries on serial killers.
  • My dogs have learned that whenever they hear the f-word in the kitchen, there’s now food on the floor.