Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇪 has bookmarked:

The good news is that I’ve been finding new ways to waste my time.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has viewed:

I’m so old, I used to block people by simply holding the door shut.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has copied:

In my defense, they burned my grilled cheese sandwich.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has viewed:

It’s so hot, ice bears are opening lemonade stands.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has bookmarked:

I forgot to turn my clocks back and, oh my God, you guys are not going to believe the stuff that happens in the next hour.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has viewed:

I hate when teachers put “?” on my work, like I don’t know either.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has viewed:

Cats have 32 muscles in each ear, to help them ignore you.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has copied:

Demi Lovato is short for demilitarized love potato.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has shared:

Due to circumstances beyond my control, I am at work.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has copied:

Suffering from a forehead kisses deficiency (self-diagnosed).

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

220 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,489

Funny Quotes Topics

17,559

Funny Quotes Images

15,489

Updated

Jan 5, 2026

Users Online

3,325

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Telegram:

Of course I stay hydrated. Carbohydrated.

Just shared via Twitch:

Went for a walk. Very pleasant evening. The squirrels and rabbits kept running away from me. That stung a little. I will remember their faces.

Live now on Telegram:

You’re not lazy, you’re just buffering in HD.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

I have poor night vision so I upgraded to LED headlights because it’s important to me to ensure nobody else can see either.

Spreading quickly via Instagram:

No kids at my wedding. Gonna Uber the flower girl home when she’s done.

Just shared via Instagram:

My rock bottom keeps refreshing.

Shared recently on Slack:

If the earth is so flat, explain why cats haven’t pushed everything off it yet. You can’t.

Making waves on Reddit:

I broke up with the gym. We were just not working out.

Spotted on Pinterest:

The worst part about being in your 40s is the 10 years of listening to people say, “Wait till you’re 50.”

Spreading quickly via Twitch:

No one is more surprised than my kids every night when I say it’s bed time.

My favorite color is money.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Same! I'm over here trying to make my bank account more vibrant! 💵😂💚"

color, favorite, favorite color, humor, irony, money, personal, personal preference, preference, wealth

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I don’t like people who take drugs, for example: airport security.

0

2 months ago

airport, airport security, drug, drugs, example, humor, i, joke, people, sarcasm, security, take
If the earth was flat, cats would have pushed everything off it by now.

0

4 months ago

animal, animal behavior, behavior, cat, cats, Earth, everything, flat, flat earth, gravity, humor, joke, pet, pet behavior, pushed
“This is a great weekend to clean out the garage,” according to my wife and other people who won’t be cleaning the garage.

0

1 month ago

chore, clean, cleaning, garage, great, humor, people, procrastination, weekend, wife
Nothing in a household is said more lovingly than, “Can you bring me some toilet paper?”

0

2 months ago

bathroom, bring, domestic, domestic life, everyday, everyday humor, family, household, humor, life, lovingly, me, nothing, paper, request, said, toilet, toilet paper
Being too stressed isn’t good for the baby. I’m not pregnant though, it’s just that I’m the baby.

0

2 months ago

baby, being, good, humor, joke, just, parenting, pregnant, self-deprecation, stress, too
I don’t think you all understand. If Taylor Swift didn’t have a private jet, she’d be Taylor Slow.

0

2 months ago

celebrity, humor, i, jet, private, private jet, slow, speed, swift, taylor, Taylor Swift, think, travel, understand, wordplay

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

44 shares on Telegram this month:

I always thought that aunts had a lot of money. Until I became one myself.

93 shares on Slack this month:

Booked an escape room but just to get away from everyone. No plans of escaping.

45 shares on Twitch this month:

I thought Game of Thrones was a pooping contest for men.

10 shares on Discord this month:

I have my own hand stamper at home so my coworkers will think I went someplace fun the night before.

47 shares on Instagram this month:

Go ahead and get some sleep, everyone. I’ll stay up and handle the overthinking.

38 shares on WeChat this month:

Just found out that rock bottom has a basement.

57 shares on LinkedIn this month:

We can’t use nicknames at work anymore, and I blame Teletubby.

59 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I would never put up a lost dog poster. I’m not letting the whole neighborhood know I fumbled.

85 shares on YouTube this month:

Am I finishing my education or is my education finishing me?

58 shares on Discord this month:

I’m so vulnerable to nostalgia. The sun will go down and I’ll be like: “Wow… remember when the sun was up… I miss who I was then”

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇴 has bookmarked:

Everyone’s gangsta until they spot a double rainbow in the sky.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has viewed:

Had to sit with a straight face while my landlord told me I was paying his rent and mortgage for him.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has bookmarked:

Not to brag, but my wife just described the dinner I made as “interesting.”

Someone from 🇳🇿 has viewed:

Adulthood – a never-ending story of shit you have to do.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has viewed:

Adulthood is really discovering half your family is mentally ill.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has bookmarked:

Laziness is the mother of all bad habits, but ultimately she is a mother, and we should respect her.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has shared:

Let’s go out for carrots sometime.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has shared:

Holding it together with duct tape and sarcasm.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has viewed:

My kids have been joking for weeks about a new Pokémon called Puke-Achu and then they got the stomach flu and brought it to life.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has downloaded:

If you smoke pot in Saudi Arabia, you risk getting stoned.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Slack:

The goth urge to live in a haunted Victorian estate and be feared by the townspeople.

Trending via Threads:

“Devil’s advocate” implies the existence of heaven’s prosecutor.

Trending via WhatsApp:

Saw a shooting star and made a wish for everyone to stop talking to me.

Spotted on Snapchat:

Tonight I will make history, by turning off incognito mode.

Broadcasted on Telegram:

Do you ever cycle through the same 4 apps on your phone over and over again, and feel like a tiger pacing its cage at the zoo?

Just landed via Messenger:

Imagine hating me, and I’m over here with one hand in my pocket, and the other one giving a high five.

Shared recently on Facebook:

I don’t procrastinate, I delegate to my future self.

Going viral on WeChat:

I need a room full of mirrors because I want to be surrounded by winners.

Breaking via Slack:

Unlike smoking, vaping doesn’t reduce your sex drive. It just reduces the sex drive of the people who see you vaping.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

My favorite color is money.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

I don’t like people who take drugs, for example: airport security.

If the earth was flat, cats would have pushed everything off it by now.

“This is a great weekend to clean out the garage,” according to my wife and other people who won’t be cleaning the garage.

Nothing in a household is said more lovingly than, “Can you bring me some toilet paper?”

Being too stressed isn’t good for the baby. I’m not pregnant though, it’s just that I’m the baby.

I don’t think you all understand. If Taylor Swift didn’t have a private jet, she’d be Taylor Slow.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨