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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇼 has downloaded:

Did anyone ask the daylight if it wanted to be saved?

Someone from 🇳🇬 has downloaded:

The perfect number of cats is two stupid cats. Preferably siblings. But they can’t both be the same type of stupid. One needs to be stupid (dumb) and one needs to be stupid (annoying).

Someone from 🇨🇷 has downloaded:

I just ordered a life alert bracelet, so if I ever get a life, I will be notified immediately.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has viewed:

I wanna be a villain so I can just saunter everywhere. The heroes are always sprinting, always running. You ever seen Darth Vader run? Hell no. And I ain’t about to either.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has copied:

Thinking the bodega owner likes you is exactly the same as thinking the stripper likes you.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has copied:

Oops, I think I’ve had a little too much to think.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has copied:

I never forget a face, but in your case, I’ll be glad to make an exception.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has copied:

At the end of the day, it’s the friend that doesn’t take your ghosting phases personally.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has shared:

Pharaohs were buried with their hands crossed their chest because of their belief there would be countless water slides in the after life.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has copied:

Marriages are like pancakes. Sometimes you gotta throw the first one out.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2447 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,609

Funny Quotes Topics

15,283

Funny Quotes Images

12,609

28 minutes ago

3,449

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Slack:

If Pokémon were real, state fairs would serve them deep fried on a stick.

Shared recently on Telegram:

Bands are always like “here’s another song”. Yeah, no shit, that’s pretty much all you do.

Going viral on TikTok:

When you’re late for work, you gotta walk in fast and act like you’re mad.

Just shared via Reddit:

Just had a salad but it didn’t make me laugh like women in stock photos.

Making waves on WeChat:

Let’s go out for carrots sometime.

Making waves on YouTube:

If you’re a dude and you’re having a bad day, just remember, no one cares.

Trending via Messenger:

I would describe my personal style as whatever is on top of the pile of clothes on the floor.

Seen just now on WeChat:

Establish dominance by asking your dentist if he’s flossing everyday.

Reported on Twitch:

I’m in my thirties, but I still feel like I am in my twenties; then I hang out with people in their twenties, and I’m like nope, definitely in my thirties.

Trending via WeChat:

Men make it so easy to hate them.

My four moods: I’m too old for doing that. I’m too tired for doing that. I’m too sober for doing that. I don’t have time for doing that.

Jan 20, 2025

My four moods: I’m too old for doing that. I’m too tired for doing that. I’m too sober for doing that. I don’t have time for doing that.

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Commentary:
Ah, the fantastic four moods – a relatable roller coaster of excuses! 🎢 Who knew getting out of things could be such an art form? 🎨 Next time you need a reason not to do something, just pick a mood and away you go! 🌟 #MoodMaster

age, doing, excuses, humor, i, moods, old, reluctance, sober, time, tired

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

New Funny Quotes

Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2447 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,609

Funny Quotes Topics

15,283

Funny Quotes Images

12,609

28 minutes ago

3,445

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇯🇴 has copied:

I love being left to my own devices. It’s like yeah, these are my devices.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has bookmarked:

Amazing how fast my addiction to my phone is cured the moment I get a phone call.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has downloaded:

I wish I loved exercising as much as I love not exercising.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has viewed:

I’m here by unpopular demand.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has bookmarked:

I will charge a 25% tariff on my steely gaze.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has shared:

I miss my kids the most when they go to bed and the mosquitoes go after me because they have no other options.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has copied:

You can eat cheesecake for breakfast if you want to. No one can stop you. The police can’t even stop you.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has bookmarked:

I don’t want to adult anymore. Don’t even want to be human. I want to be a goat. Jump around randomly, eat what I want, and head-butt anyone who annoys me.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has bookmarked:

TMZ will find out you’re dead before you do.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has shared:

I am like the weather. Temporarily friendly.

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via Snapchat:

Humans are just chaos wrapped in meat, going bananas on caffeine.

Seen just now on Reddit:

You want me to pay attention to the details? The thing the devil is in?

Seen just now on Slack:

I accidentally poured vodka on my orange juice this morning. Twice.

Just landed via Telegram:

We are all just prisoners here of our phone device.

Making waves on Pinterest:

Everyone hates on the dentist but at least they don’t try to weigh you.

Shared recently on YouTube:

The difference between a hippo and a zippo is that one is really heavy and the other is a little lighter. Thank you and good night.

Breaking via Twitch:

Most of Twitter could probably use a good bop on the nose with a rolled-up newspaper.

Making waves on Snapchat:

Do regular dogs see police dogs and think, “Oh no, it’s a cop”?

Trending via Instagram:

Having to pee when you’re driving is problematic. Having to sneeze when you’re driving is even more problematic.

Making waves on Discord:

I like to take long walks away from stupid people.

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