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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇮 has bookmarked:

Cartoons make it look like getting stabbed in the butt with a pitchfork would be no big deal, but I beg to differ.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has shared:

You look like something I drew with my left hand.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has shared:

Shoutout to everyone who works hard to support their dog’s extravagant lifestyle.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has bookmarked:

I’ve shouted so much sporting advice from my sofa already this summer. It’s very tiring but hopefully it’s helping.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has viewed:

Leaving your house and returning back safely is such an underrated blessing.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has shared:

If I get rid of social media, how will I know what everyone ate for dinner?

Someone from 🇲🇪 has bookmarked:

You get to choose which path you take. I see some of you have chosen the psychopath.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has bookmarked:

I’m an expert at having a really funny story to tell and then wording it so badly that it’s not even funny anymore.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has shared:

You gotta wonder why they just don’t make all bread garlic bread.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has downloaded:

The feminine urge to be the most feared witch in the village.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

531 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,124

Funny Quotes Topics

17,272

Funny Quotes Images

15,124

Dec 27, 2025

3,716

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Discord:

I need a massage for my brain.

Just shared via TikTok:

Staring sadly at the empty ice cream bowl that’s too small for licking.

Live now on WhatsApp:

Babies invented being in a bad mood for no reason, and they continue to innovate in the field.

Making waves on X:

My hair dryer is so powerful that it doubles as my leaf blower.

Spotted on Messenger:

Several of my internal organs hurt, but I’m 100% sure it’s not my body trying to tell me something.

Broadcasted on Pinterest:

The neighbor girl told my kids she wouldn’t come over until they cleaned their rooms, so I guess I do have a favorite child.

Spotted on Messenger:

Forrest Gump is a haunting film about how long you have to wait for a bus in America.

Just shared via Messenger:

I’ve worn oversized T-shirts so much that I suffocate if I wear one that actually fits.

Shared recently on Slack:

Your brain automatically translates WTF but not LOL.

Seen just now on Facebook:

Dear food, either stop being so delicious or stop making me fat.

My goal was to look good in a bikini this summer, but the call of the barbecue is stronger.

2 months ago

0

My goal was to look good in a bikini this summer, but the call of the barbecue is stronger.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
🍔🔥 "My goal was to rock that bikini this summer, but alas, the alluring sizzle of the barbecue proved to be a formidable opponent. Can’t resist the aroma of grilled goodness! Looks like my summer body will have to wait… Pass me the BBQ sauce! 😅👙"

barbecue, bikini, call, fitness, food, fun, goal, good, humor, outdoor, summer, temptation

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Grocery shopping while hungry feels like online shopping while drunk.

0

2 months ago

drunk, drunk shopping, experience, grocery, grocery shopping, humor, hunger, hungry, online, online shopping, relatable, relatable humor, shopping, shopping experience
Both my wife and my doctor said no more jumping on the bed. But they don’t get it. They don’t know what it’s like to live with the Monkey Instinct.

0

2 months ago

advice, bed, behavior, both, doctor, family, health, health advice, humor, instinct, jumping, jumping on the bed, know, live, monkey, monkey instinct, playful, playful behavior, said, wife
People in their late 20s and early 30s are like “this is my emotional support trip to Japan.”

0

2 months ago

20s, 30s, adventure, age, early, early 30s, emotional, emotional support, humor, Japan, late, late 20s, people, support, travel, trip
Please don’t ask me about my dream job. I would never work in my dreams.

0

2 months ago

ask, aspiration, dream, dream job, dreams, humor, i, irony, job, me, never, procrastination, work
I think they’ve made more Kung-Fu Panda movies in the last 20 years than they’ve made actual pandas.

0

2 months ago

20, actual, animation, entertainment, humor, i, Kung-Fu, last, movy, Panda, think, wildlife, year’s
“Stalking”. God forbid I have access to public information and know how to utilize my resources.

0

2 months ago

access, God, humor, i, information, investigation, irony, know, media, privacy, public, public information, resources, social, social media, stalking

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎁🎅🎄 Christmas Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

20 shares on Snapchat this month:

Love is in the air fryer.

46 shares on Instagram this month:

I haven’t given up on my fairy-tale ending. I still plan to be eaten by a wolf.

56 shares on WeChat this month:

Japan’s greatest tragedy is having the world’s best toilets and no Mexican food. What’s the point of owning a Ferrari if you never take it to the track?

32 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I need to social distance with the refrigerator so I can flatten my curve.

71 shares on Instagram this month:

If someone steals your joke, you have to file a LOLsuit.

51 shares on Snapchat this month:

Almost fell asleep while putting on the sweater because it got dark for a moment. That’s all you need to know about my morning state.

47 shares on Twitch this month:

If there’s one thing we can trust, it’s billionaires.

61 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Kids today have it much easier. When I was growing up and something bad happened, we had to go outside and spread our misinformation in person.

32 shares on TikTok this month:

I dare you to try and be more single than me.

60 shares on Threads this month:

Why touch grass when you can touch ass?

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Don’t forget to brush your teeth, comb your hair, cleanse your face, and share my posts.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Sorry if my posts have any typos, it’s because I’m driving.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

My cat is so finicky. I finally gave up and taught him how to order Uber Eats for himself.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Why are poets thinking that they are the ones tortured and not those who read their poetry?

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Does anyone know where I can get my shit together?

16 folks are currently checking 👀

I love hard, but I stupid harder.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Diet Coke is just a fridge cigarette.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Confucius says: “Those who drink a lot die earlier, but have seen twice as much in life.”

6 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t care what other people think of me, at least mosquitoes find me attractive.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Saw a guy reading a book and writing notes in it. Not enough words in there for ya, bud?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

531 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,124

Funny Quotes Topics

17,272

Funny Quotes Images

15,124

Updated

Dec 27, 2025

Users Online

3,748

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇧 has viewed:

Wearing a condom while she’s on birth control is called two-factor authentication.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has shared:

If my neighbors keep fighting like this, I might need to cancel some of my streaming services.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has downloaded:

Acceptance truly begins when you ask Alexa to play classic rock and she plays a song that came out when you were in high school.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has viewed:

My boyfriend invited the neighbors over for dinner, “sometime,” so now we have to move.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has viewed:

Is the elephant in the room with us right now?

Someone from 🇸🇹 has viewed:

It sucks that brainwashing is a bad thing, because generally speaking the idea of washing my brain sounds so nice.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has bookmarked:

Typos keep me humble. Every email is a gamble.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has bookmarked:

I tried to scream into the abyss today but got a busy signal.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has shared:

Everyone thinks they won’t be that couple that goes from ‘everything you do is a turn-on’ to ‘you’re breathing too loud,’ but they will be, oh, they will be.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has shared:

My neighbors were up shouting all night. I could barely hear my bagpipes.

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via Messenger:

I came, I saw, I took a selfie as proof that I came and saw.

Live now on Slack:

No, I am not refreshed from my long weekend. I was reminded that I am not meant to work, but I am trapped in The Machine.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

Every millennial is now paying Apple $9.99/month for 2TB just to not delete their life.

Seen just now on Facebook:

One day you’re 18 eating pizza for every lunch, then suddenly you’re 30 and eating salad with celery and kale juice.

Going viral on Pinterest:

If you bought 1 Bitcoin ten years ago, it would now be worth 1 Bitcoin. Let that sink in.

Trending via Messenger:

After having received my free sample of winter, I would like to cancel my subscription please.

Spreading quickly via WhatsApp:

Sunday night: Super Bowl party! Monday morning: Toilet Bowl party!

Going bananas on Discord:

Got me some lemons now for the cold. I hope the tequila helps.

Making waves on Threads:

Garlic and bread is the only marriage I truly have faith in.

Making waves on Twitch:

Cool times create cool guys.

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