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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇮 has shared:

I am single, please disturb me!

Someone from 🇳🇷 has bookmarked:

Don’t worry, you’ll find the lost scissors when you’ll be searching for your glasses.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has copied:

My lips could use some attention today.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has shared:

IKEA is the swedish word for “relationship meltdown in a public place.”

Someone from 🇬🇹 has bookmarked:

I know I’m mad when I start talking to myself about it.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has copied:

Can we take a moment to celebrate the little ride we get in the pneumatic chair at the hair salon or barber when they pump it up or down?

Someone from 🇨🇫 has viewed:

Can’t believe we stayed up and screamed “Happy New Year” for this shit.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has copied:

There are so many people going to hell. I’m thinking of investing in some property there.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has shared:

The worst part about being drunk and seeing double is when you realize it’s just one slice of pizza.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has downloaded:

I hate having a ton of anxiety and no energy. It’s like having a tank full of gas and no engine.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Jan 2, 2026

3,544

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Reddit:

Sometimes you just need a Saturday to sleep all day and do absolutely nothing.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

The umbrella was going to be called brella, but the inventor hesitated.

Shared recently on Facebook:

I’m a total go with the flow kinda person as long as the flow is meticulously scheduled well in advance and there are no mid-flow changes whatsoever.

Live now on Telegram:

Can’t wait for my husband to see what he bought everyone for Christmas.

Shared recently on YouTube:

This salad tastes like I’d rather be fat.

Going viral on Twitch:

I hate having a body, it’s so high maintenance. Shower this, eat that, drink this, sleep that, it’s all very stupid.

Trending via Threads:

If you want your teen to finish her homework, tell her to fold the laundry.

Seen just now on Discord:

My wife asked me why the bottle of wine we bought yesterday was half empty. I said because she is a pessimist.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

Dogs have two jobs: calm their humans when they are stressed. Stress their humans when they are calm.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

Please don’t use fear to manipulate me. Much more effective to use cake.

My life is ruined. I wish to live no more. Never mind, I found the remote.

2 months ago

0

My life is ruined. I wish to live no more. Never mind, I found the remote.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"When all hope seemed lost and the darkness of despair loomed overhead, salvation appeared in the form of… the remote! 🙌 Who knew a small piece of plastic could hold so much power and bring such joy to a seemingly ruined life? 😂 #DramaOverRemoteFound"

couch, distraction, found, humor, i, irony, life, live, mind, never, remote, ruined, TV, wish

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

364 days until Christmas, and people already have decorations up. Unbelievable.

0

1 week ago

Christmas, countdown, days, decoration, decorations, holiday, humor, impatience, people
I’m experimenting with how many apples I need to eat a day to keep everyone away, whatever their profession.

0

2 months ago

apple, apples, away, day, eat, everyone, experiment, humor, i, keep, keep away, need, profession, whatever
Adding “but that’s just me” after giving the absolute worst advice to a coworker.

0

2 months ago

advice, after, coworker, giving, humor, just, me, sarcasm, self-deprecation, workplace, worst
Next time I lose my mind I swear I’m not even going to look for it any more.

0

2 months ago

humor, i, looking, lose, mind, next, next time, not looking, search, swear, time
You relax for 15 minutes after work, and next thing you know, it’s 10 p.m.

0

5 months ago

after, evening, humor, know, management, minutes, next, procrastination, relax, relaxation, thing, time, time management, tiredness, work
It’s okay, wobbly chair, I’m unstable too.

0

2 months ago

chair, humor, okay, relatable, self-deprecation, too, unstable, wobbly, wobbly chair

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

15 shares on WeChat this month:

Autocorrect has become our worst enema.

69 shares on Slack this month:

If they cancel the Simpsons, we will no longer be able to see into the future.

48 shares on LinkedIn this month:

My family asked me what I wanted for Mother’s Day, so I packed their bags and changed the locks.

10 shares on Facebook this month:

Having to pee when you’re driving is problematic. Having to sneeze when you’re driving is even more problematic.

40 shares on Messenger this month:

If you ever find yourself as a houseguest for an extended period of time, here is the golden rule for success: invisible by day, charming by night.

31 shares on X this month:

People will name their dog Steve and have two kids named Buddy and Rocket.

24 shares on Telegram this month:

A fabric tomato filled with needles. Don’t see that much anymore.

38 shares on Messenger this month:

My mom and all her opinions are visiting this weekend.

46 shares on Telegram this month:

My chakra went out for cigarettes.

56 shares on Instagram this month:

Good morning only to the complexity and uncertainty of everything.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Welcome to your parents’ house, where the wifi password is fEtbqP2LVp3U6Hkh

5 folks are currently checking 👀

I always set two alarms, one for “Good Intentions Me” and one for “The Real Me”

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Not to brag, but I just walked upstairs and remembered why.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Paid my rent and slept in every room of my house this week, kitchen and laundry room next.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Quitting my job to pursue my true passion: not working.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

We need a word for that weird feeling you get when you learn what a podcaster looks like.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Being a people pleaser that no one is pleased with is the main cause of my anxiety.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

In the autumn there are two types of creatures who collect acorns: squirrels and toddlers.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Today’s politics make me think we’re living in a movie where the villains actually win.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

My family passed down mood swings and anxiety instead of money or houses.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,441

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇶 has viewed:

Welcome to adulthood: your chin looks lonely, here’s another one.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has viewed:

It’s not jingling to you that I’m standing on Christmas.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has copied:

“I’m not ordering fries, I’ll just eat some of yours!” -Former friends of mine

Someone from 🇲🇿 has downloaded:

Young people are too young nowadays. Back in the good old days, young people were my age.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has copied:

Weekends are getting shorter and shorter. You blink and it’s already Sunday 5pm.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has viewed:

The older I get, the more I don’t want to do things.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has shared:

I accidentally hit a parked car, so I left them a note that said “next time it will be you”.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has bookmarked:

The meteorologist who devised the wind chill factor has died. He was 86, but he felt like 75.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has viewed:

The smarter you are, the more important it is for you to figure out how to think less.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has copied:

If you don’t have at least one white friend named “Matt”, then you are Matt.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via WhatsApp:

I have many talents, all equally un-monetizable.

Just shared via Reddit:

Yeah, I have a drinking problem. It’s called dehydration.

Going viral on X:

I’m an ethical hater. My hate towards you is informed, balanced, and deeply nuanced.

Seen just now on Facebook:

I run every day for 30 minutes. If I miss a day, I add 30 minutes to the next day. This has truly been a game changer. Tomorrow I’m supposed to run for 3 weeks.

Making waves on Snapchat:

Sorry, I booped your nose, but I was really hoping it was a mute button.

Freshly posted on X:

Dogs are like chicken nuggets; every time I see one, I want it.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

My mom be cutting up fruit and bringing it to me in my room without saying nothing. That’s when it hits me, nobody ever gonna love me this much.

Spreading quickly via Slack:

Did you know there are people who go away for 3 days and only pack 3 days’ worth of clothing?

Spotted on Snapchat:

How can vampires enjoy drinking our hot blood in the summer and other thoughts that keep me up at night.

Trending via Pinterest:

I love my new crockpot. Now we can wait longer to eat my horrible cooking.

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