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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇵 has copied:

Ok, new plan, I’m gonna marry a Kardashian.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has copied:

Excuse me, can you direct me to the nonsense?

Someone from 🇹🇭 has shared:

Who called it asking the waiter about the specials and not retrieving data from the server?

Someone from 🇾🇪 has copied:

You spend so long trying to think of a name for your cat only to end up calling them “for god’s sake” and “please stop”.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has viewed:

I accidentally hit a parked car, so I left them a note that said “next time it will be you”.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has viewed:

Went fishing and actually caught a fish. So now I gotta deal with this shit.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has copied:

My nickname in high school was “who?”

Someone from 🇹🇬 has copied:

I’m not a very good poker player cause my eyes turn into big dollar signs when I see that I have a good hand.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has copied:

Adulting’s a total scam. Bills, taxes, and a laundry pile that breeds in the dark, were not in the brochure!

Someone from 🇧🇬 has shared:

Taking a sip of beer and letting out a big “ahhhh” so the pregnant lady at the pool next to me knows what she’s missing.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Feb 3, 2026

3,311

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

A good way to get out of a conversation is to take off one of your socks and hand it to the person talking.

Just shared via Threads:

If small talk burned calories, maybe I’d consider it.

Spotted on Instagram:

I called the cops on my own party once because I was ready to go to bed.

Just shared via Twitch:

I’m growing a mullet so no one will want to hangout with me.

Spotted on Facebook:

I’ve started ripping my shirt in half like Hulk Hogan when I mean business. Long story short, I’m looking for a new job.

Just shared via Snapchat:

Are you okay, babe? You’ve barely moved in mysterious ways recently.

Making waves on WeChat:

Imagine falling in love and then finding out that they put antlers on their car for the holidays.

Spreading quickly via Slack:

Can we bring back the lost art of just hanging out at your friends house doing absolutely nothing?

Going bananas on Slack:

Hello darkness, my old friend. Why are you here? It’s 6:00 pm.

Just landed via Telegram:

Parents be like “why aren’t you eating, don’t you like my food?” and after you eat a ton, they’ll say “you look a little chubby, maybe you should eat less.”

My life is ruined. I wish to live no more. Never mind, I found the remote.

2 weeks ago

Funny text about life's struggles turning cheerful with a remote discovery.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"When all hope seemed lost and the darkness of despair loomed overhead, salvation appeared in the form of… the remote! 🙌 Who knew a small piece of plastic could hold so much power and bring such joy to a seemingly ruined life? 😂 #DramaOverRemoteFound"

couch, distraction, found, humor, i, irony, life, live, mind, never, remote, ruined, TV, wish

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Social Media Stars ⭐

68 shares on Pinterest this month:

Someone you haven’t talked to in forever will show up in your dream just to do a backflip.

37 shares on Threads this month:

Someone at my job mentioned severance, and I was like, “Oh my God, I love that show,” and they said, “No, I’m about to get fired.”

36 shares on YouTube this month:

I’m saving myself for my vibrator.

90 shares on Messenger this month:

As a parent of a teenage daughter, I would like to formally apologize to my parents for my tube-top and low-rise jeans era.

77 shares on WeChat this month:

I don’t care if my parents are disappointed in me, I’m not impressed by them either.

37 shares on Reddit this month:

No crypto for me, thanks, at least not until I figure out how dollars work.

21 shares on Pinterest this month:

Everybody in the grocery store is my enemy, and I will not be elaborating.

84 shares on Slack this month:

People who listen to their sad playlist when they’re happy are a different breed of unstable.

68 shares on Telegram this month:

My family was too poor for a gene pool, so we soaked our genes in rye whiskey.

68 shares on Telegram this month:

Kind of miraculous how much love can be summoned and how much your day can be improved by just looking at an animal and saying stuff in a weird voice.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

14 folks are currently checking 👀

This whole “having a job” thing is really getting in the way of me having my best life.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

The real threat to Democracy is the Bureaucracy.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Corporate life requires an ass-licking skill set I simply wasn’t born with.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

“Can my boyfriend come?” Will he contribute to our conversation, at least one question?

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Nothing humbles you faster than rereading something you were proud of yesterday.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m so old, I used to block people by simply holding the door shut.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m at an age where I don’t have to go anywhere and I still have jet lag.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Lack of sex really gets you mad at every little thing for no reason.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Job-hopping is a funny concept, like ‘Hey, I’m gonna go hate my life over there instead.’

18 folks are currently checking 👀

If I had money, my life would be pretty much the same, but my dogs would destroy much nicer stuff.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,488

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇲 has viewed:

Girl math is ten thousand spoons when all you need is a knife.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has shared:

The dead bodies on Mt. Everest remind me that it’s perfectly fine to stay home and be lazy.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has bookmarked:

In an alternate universe, the hard way is always learning me.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has copied:

I like my job, but if I had the opportunity to become a rich housewife, I would take it.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has shared:

Which wine pairs best with WWIII?

Someone from 🇹🇳 has viewed:

I love to watch the enthusiasm of new coworkers, and then their inevitable slow descent into not giving a damn.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has downloaded:

The earlier you wake up, the more time you have to think about why you wish you were still asleep in bed.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has viewed:

Less is more, unless it’s kindness, sleep, or toilet paper.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has shared:

I used to think adulthood was one crisis after another. I was wrong. Multiple crises. Concurrently. All at once. All the time. Forever.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has viewed:

Went fishing and actually caught a fish. So now I gotta deal with this shit.

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via LinkedIn:

I like to take long walks away from stupid people.

Just shared via Instagram:

They need to invent a job for people who aren’t good at anything nor motivated nor social.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

A delivery driver just asked for my date of birth. I said, “94.” He replied, “Is that 1994?” Oh, sorry mate, no. My bad, that was 1794. Right around the French Revolution.

Making waves on Instagram:

They said, “Enjoy your money because life is short.” Now my money is finished, but I’m still alive.

Just shared via YouTube:

Opening a Star Wars pub called Bar Bar Binks.

Going bananas on WhatsApp:

I always knew I’d get old. How fast it happened was a bit of a surprise though.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

People think I forgot the shit they said. Ain’t no expiration date on disrespect.

Just shared via Slack:

My life coach traded me.

Shared recently on Reddit:

I love your niche references! Are you typically ignored in large groups, by any chance?

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

It’s so hot the chipmunks are using my bird bath as a hot tub and requesting mimosas and the brunch menu.

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