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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇫🇲 has downloaded:

Currently into monogamous friendships. If you have other friends, please don’t talk to me, it hurts my heart.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has copied:

The new American dream is an alien invasion.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has downloaded:

Being insane should at least burn calories.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has copied:

I’ve started taking a brisk walk straight after dinner and it’s saving me an absolute fortune on restaurant bills.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has shared:

Dissecting an alien and getting bitterly jealous at their crazy organs.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has shared:

I wonder whatever happened to the tiny dogs all of those terrible women were carrying around in their purses.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has shared:

My problem is I buy outfits I don’t have shoes for and shoes I don’t have outfits for.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has downloaded:

It feels like it costs $100 a day just to exist anymore.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has bookmarked:

A good relationship is when she is by your side during bad times to tell you that none of this would have happened if you had just listened to her.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has viewed:

We need an app where introverts can pay extroverts to make phone calls for them.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Feb 3, 2026

3,415

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Snapchat:

They should make you watch a training video and pass a little test before you’re allowed to touch the office coffee maker.

Trending via Instagram:

Good morning to everyone except people who sit right next to you when there’s a whole room full of empty seats.

Just landed via Messenger:

We went out on a boat to see whales and the crew encouraged us to clap and cheer for the whales and boo at the regular fish.

Spotted on Slack:

There I was, quietly reliving my dream of having my own house, when suddenly I was attacked by insane prices.

Just shared via Reddit:

Piñatas are a fun way to intentionally maim the guests at your party.

Just landed via WeChat:

Libraries were a good start, but we need more places where people can’t talk.

Seen just now on TikTok:

Some people are like wallpaper… same pattern repeating every time.

Trending via Twitch:

My 3 weeks without sweets were over after 12 hours. Proof that time runs faster with increasing age.

Spreading quickly via YouTube:

Adulting is when you realize that all you need is a home, stable income and a peaceful partner.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

You’re a “haha” girl, and I’m an “lol” guy. It just wouldn’t work.

My main takeaway from ‘The Walking Dead’ is that you can still eat the expired canned goods in your pantry.

2 weeks ago

Witty quote about ignoring expiration dates, humorously suggesting leftovers from zombie apocalypse.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Well, at least 'The Walking Dead' taught us a practical survival tip: when the zombies come knocking, don't worry about the expiration date on those canned beans 🧟‍♂️🥫 Just pray they're still edible and won't turn you into a member of the undead pantry patrol! 😂 #ApocalypseDining"

advice, apocalypse, canned, canned goods, dead, eat, expired, expired food, food, funny advice, goods, humor, pantry, still, survival, takeaway, walking, Walking Dead, zombie, zombie apocalypse

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Social Media Stars ⭐

19 shares on TikTok this month:

I hate it when my pillow is not pillowing like it should. You have one job. Be a pillow man. You are pillow. Act like one!

34 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Me: “I’m still young.” My bones: “No, we not.”

48 shares on X this month:

If you ever think you can solve a parenting problem by doing the opposite of what didn’t work last time, the universe will just be like “Lol, nice try, dummy!”

84 shares on Telegram this month:

No email needs to tell me not to reply.

74 shares on Telegram this month:

If I’m too much, go find less. I’m not running a clearance sale.

12 shares on WeChat this month:

Sometimes you just gotta say LOL and move on.

37 shares on Reddit this month:

Come on, brain, release the happy chemicals.

45 shares on Messenger this month:

We really do need a separate grocery store for people who’ve been on Earth before.

86 shares on Telegram this month:

You are the Monday of my life.

98 shares on Slack this month:

If I shook my head at every stupid thing I saw, I’d have permanent whiplash.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Parenting is cheering on your kid’s winning softball team all weekend and then cheering on the Sunday rain for cancelling the rest of the games.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

What do you call it when everything pisses you off but you’re good at not murdering people?

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Odd—my boss told me to meet him at the abandoned quarry at midnight for my performance evaluation.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

The final stage of being single is when you listen to a love song and no one comes to mind; at that point, you’ve achieved absolute singularity.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

The real flex is how many wounds you can turn into wisdom.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

If I ever win the lottery and decide to invest in a billboard company, I won’t tell anyone; but there will be signs.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Sparkling water tastes like that feeling when your foot falls asleep.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Nothing worse than when I turn up to Park Run to find it is indeed going ahead.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

If you ever think you can solve a parenting problem by doing the opposite of what didn’t work last time, the universe will just be like “Lol, nice try, dummy!”

8 folks are currently checking 👀

I’ve been dieting for a little over a week and I already gained three pounds.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,743

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇹 has viewed:

Men have nice skin because they stress out everyone but themselves.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has shared:

Young witches boil every cauldron on high.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has bookmarked:

Please respond to my telepathic messages.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has viewed:

If you’re soft, don’t come to my house, cause my kids will roast you.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has shared:

Sure, sex is great, but have you ever closed a dozen tabs after finishing an academic paper?

Someone from 🇲🇱 has bookmarked:

In the 90s, you could tell who won the rap battle by who was still alive.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has viewed:

People be like “bear with me” and they don’t even have a bear with them.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has copied:

If I say “with all due respect,” nothing respectful is about to come out of my mouth.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has downloaded:

Website: We use cookies to improve our performance. Me: Same!

Someone from 🇭🇷 has copied:

My body is like my phone battery. Usually drained by 4pm.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via YouTube:

Unlike the stomach, the brain doesn’t alert you when it’s empty.

Seen just now on WeChat:

“Fox Mulder” is an aggressively sexy name.

Going bananas on X:

I logged on to Amazon and they said that they have run out of things that I don’t need.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

Just got emotional imagining a worm emerging from its cocoon as a dragonfly and then got even more emotional remembering that’s not what they do.

Spreading quickly via Snapchat:

Don’t tell me what to do unless you are naked.

Spreading quickly via Instagram:

Thinking of telling my extra weight that I love it so that it can leave me too.

Trending via Threads:

I hate it when I’m outside, and an insect lands and crawls on my glasses, and for a split second, I think aliens have invaded.

Freshly posted on Slack:

The minute I start feeling like a mother to a man, the relationship is over.

Going viral on Discord:

Every time I think I’m cooked, God moves mountains for me. That’s so nice of Him.

Going viral on Discord:

They say an apple a day keeps a doctor away. But what do I need to eat to keep everyone away?

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