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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇿 has downloaded:

I hope none of the people I vowed to “help hide a body” ever actually need my help.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has bookmarked:

I’m sorry I said “Awooga” when you took off your clothes. Do you still want to have sexy time?

Someone from 🇳🇦 has copied:

Me at a nightclub: Where are the chairs?

Someone from 🇦🇲 has bookmarked:

I’m looking for friends with benefits. And by that I mean friends who have pools, boats and beautiful vacation homes.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has downloaded:

Plot twist: weed is addicted to me.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has shared:

In Star Wars, anyone can hop in any spaceship and knows how to fly it. I just spent 20 minutes trying to find the headlights in a rental car.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has viewed:

Called in, “I can either stay home today and learn to play this accordion or bring it in with me. Your call.”

Someone from 🇧🇷 has bookmarked:

Sitting in a room with my husband and kids… Suddenly I realize everyone here has been in my vagina. Wow.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has viewed:

My daily exercise routine involves running late, jumping to conclusions and pushing my luck.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has copied:

Doesn’t matter, Your Honor! I, for one, found it very funny.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2326 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,488

Funny Quotes Topics

15,192

Funny Quotes Images

12,488

34 seconds ago

3,447

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Discord:

Shut up brain, I wasn’t even talking to me.

Reported on LinkedIn:

To whoever stole my oversized clock, you owe me big time.

Going viral on Slack:

I bought a little notebook to keep track of who’s above the law.

Just shared via TikTok:

Daylight savings is just a made up holiday to sell more daylight.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

Don’t forget to brush your teeth, comb your hair, cleanse your face, and share my posts.

Spotted on Twitch:

I’m a private person except for when I’m publicly trauma dumping on social media.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

A word to the wise ain’t necessary, it’s the stupid ones who need advice.

Shared recently on TikTok:

Beware. There are people in the grocery store that you know who want to chat with you. Stay vigilant.

Breaking via Messenger:

Women know the exact weight of their children and their age in days. Men just know that little people live with them.

Shared recently on TikTok:

We should put a tariff on being mean to me.

Nasa is launching a satellite to say sorry to the aliens. They’re calling it the Apollo G.

Jan 23, 2025

Nasa is launching a satellite to say sorry to the aliens. They’re calling it the Apollo G.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Well, isn't that a celestial apology on a whole new level! 🛰️👽 Let's hope the aliens appreciate the punny gesture of the Apollo G – nothing like a space-themed mea culpa! Maybe they'll reply with an extraterrestrial emoji thumbs-up 👍 or a friendly wave 🖖. Who knew intergalactic diplomacy could be so pun-tastic?

aliens, Apollo, apology, calling, humor, Nasa, satellite, say, science, sorry, space

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

New Funny Quotes

Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2326 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,488

Funny Quotes Topics

15,192

Funny Quotes Images

12,488

34 seconds ago

3,445

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇿 has bookmarked:

I want my house spotless, but kicking my kids out seems wrong.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has copied:

Two words have helped me open a lot of doors in my life. Push and Pull.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has copied:

“You’re at the age where both 1990 and 2003 are flirting with you.”

Someone from 🇨🇿 has downloaded:

Nothing in a household is said more lovingly than, “Can you bring me some toilet paper?”

Someone from 🇦🇩 has downloaded:

The feminine urge to open a coffee shop that’s also a library, a bakery, and a flower shop.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has viewed:

I was guest-starring on The Love Boat when you woke me up. You’re dead to me.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has viewed:

I’m at the “buy bigger jeans” part of my Eat. Pray. Love. journey.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has downloaded:

The date didn’t go well but she was nice enough to send a PDF of everything I did wrong afterwards.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has copied:

Using a condom and still pulling out, call that two-factor authentication.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has shared:

You should never forget where you came from. That’s probably where your keys are.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on TikTok:

Sometimes the voices in my head get bullied by the voices in my stomach.

Shared recently on Slack:

Naming my first daughter Piggleigh Wiggleigh.

Making waves on YouTube:

Village life is when you send two kids out to play and six kids come back hungry.

Going viral on TikTok:

My morning coffee makes me feel like I’ve got my shit together. I don’t, but it makes me feel like I do.

Live now on WeChat:

Your annoying online persona has captured my heart.

Spotted on Pinterest:

Every morning when that damn alarm clock goes off, I just feel it so much: A million-dollar inheritance suits me much better than an office job.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

It’s actually quite simple: I don’t want to eat less, I just want to weigh less.

Trending via Snapchat:

I’m sorry I pretended I was dead when I saw you in public.

Reported on LinkedIn:

I’m so cold, I wish I could get in the dryer.

Just shared via Discord:

There are two quantities of popcorn: not enough and what have I done

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