Trendy Funny Quotes

  • The only exercise I’ve done this month is running… out of money!
  • Totally unrealistic movie title: “The Postman Always Rings Twice”. We all know that these guys only ring once and then leave.
  • I am not someone you have to entertain if you invite me, because I will have canceled.
  • Your secrets are safe with me. I wasn’t even listening.
  • I’m sorry, I didn’t realize how quiet your bathroom exhaust fan was.
  • I won $6 on a scratch-off last night. Out of my way, peasants!