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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇼🇸 has viewed:

Went on a date with a guy who didn’t ask me any questions about myself, so it’s on him when he finds out about my husband.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has viewed:

There should be a day between Sunday and Monday called Hang on a Second.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has copied:

“I asked ChatGPT.” “I asked Grok.” Yeah, well, I just analyzed it from a Marxist perspective, and it was pretty obvious.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has copied:

I think you would all treat me a lot better if I possessed a small amount of plutonium.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has copied:

Accidentally falling asleep is always the best sleep — and that’s so irritating.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has downloaded:

The only person I ever call is my wife, and that’s just when we’re trying to find her phone.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has shared:

My phone charger is lying in another room. HELP.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has downloaded:

My favorite part of parenting is when the kids are bored enough to entertain themselves, but getting to that point is excruciating.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has bookmarked:

Yes, I am super annoying, but don’t worry, it’s just permanent.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has shared:

Shrimp: “When I grow up, I want to be food waste at a gala.”

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

301 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,570

Funny Quotes Topics

17,628

Funny Quotes Images

15,570

Jan 12, 2026

3,523

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Twitch:

I wonder if the guy who came up with the term “One Hit Wonder” came up with any other phrases?

Going viral on Messenger:

David Attenborough narrating my life: “He’s still sleeping.”

Breaking via Snapchat:

I modeled my morning routine on the humble rooster. Wake up, scream, wander around.

Making waves on Instagram:

An evil genius rising to a position of power is bad but it makes sense at least. Feels insulting we’re constantly seeing evil idiots doing it instead.

Shared recently on TikTok:

There is no reason to be a people pleaser. People are never pleased.

Going bananas on X:

Most women need a little reassurance. Like when she says “oh, you want to see crazy?” Reassure her that you do not.

Shared recently on TikTok:

Dear Math, I don’t want to solve your problem, I have my own problems to solve.

Seen just now on Threads:

“Careful. It’s slippery!” – Everyone, after you’ve already slipped.

Live now on X:

Dear Aliens, Now would be a good time. Thanks!

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

Roadtripping with my family has taught me that my marriage can withstand anything except roadtripping with my family.

Never faked an orgasm before, but the joy of ugly presents.

2 months ago

Never faked an orgasm before, but the joy of ugly presents.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Never faked an orgasm before, but let's just say the joy of ugly presents comes pretty close! 😂🎁 Who needs fancy gifts when you can laugh your way through the holiday season with some truly unique and questionable presents? Embrace the quirks and keep those surprises coming!"

before, expectation, gift, humor, joy, never, orgasm, present, relationship, surprise, ugly, ugly present

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

You feel me? Bro, I haven’t felt anything since the Scholastic Book Fair.

2 months ago

anything, book, boredom, bro, childhood, fair, feel, feelings, humor, i, me, nostalgia, scholastic, Scholastic Book Fair
The problem with people starts when we expect things from them, or have anything to do with them.

2 months ago

anything, expectation, humor, interaction, people, problem, relationship, things
When people block me, I just assume it’s for my rugged good looks and killer jawline.

2 months ago

assume, block, confidence, good, humor, i, jawline, just, killer, looks, me, media, people, personality, rugged, rugged look, social, social media
Enjoy your 30s, because in your 40s, your first check engine lights come on.

2 months ago

30s, 40s, age, aging, car, check, check engine light, decade, engine, enjoy, health, humor, joke, life, life joke, light, midlife
Tupperware is filing for bankruptcy. They would have kept a lid on the news but they couldn’t find one.

2 months ago

bankruptcy, containers, humor, lid, news, pun, storage, Tupperware
You amuse me, Jester. You may enter my bed chambers.

3 weeks ago

amusement, bed, bed chamber, chamber, enter, flirtation, humor, jester, me, medieval

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

45 shares on WeChat this month:

I wish I could Shazam a perfume.

40 shares on Discord this month:

Every Friday, I’m like, “This weekend I’m getting my life together,” and then… I don’t.

59 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I don’t argue with my kids anymore. I just vacuum every surface of the living room while they’re trying to watch TV.

16 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Whoever said diamonds are a girl’s best friend clearly has never met shredded cheese.

24 shares on Snapchat this month:

I don’t understand how spending more money than I earn is irresponsible. I’m giving more than I take. I’m generous.

23 shares on Facebook this month:

Whenever Im in trouble, I think, what would Jesus do? Then I pretend to be dead and disappear for 3 days.

72 shares on WeChat this month:

What electric cars and diarrhea have in common is the fear of not making it home.

22 shares on WeChat this month:

I fondly remember my days as a younger man when I didn’t care what the weather was going to do.

57 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I named my dog “5 Miles,” so I can tell people I walk 5 miles every day.

35 shares on Threads this month:

Felony Vandalism is a beautiful name for a girl.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

5 folks are currently checking 👀

I used to look for monsters under the bed. Today I know they are behind some people’s fake smiles.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Being depressed is so embarrassing. It’s like, look at me, guys. I have nothing positive to say, and I make everything miserable.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

I suck at flirting. I’ll be like “is that so?”

23 folks are currently checking 👀

At my next therapy session, I will be discussing the trauma I’ve been dealing with ever since the grocery store layout was altered.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

I’ve found God. It’s my turn to hide now.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

My rapper name would be 2 stressd.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

I used to have this mental illness, where I thought putting your heart and soul into a relationship would make it work.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Do you use AI, or is the AI using you?

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Why can’t I cry money instead of tears?

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Nobody should be blowing up Teslas. If you just wait a bit, they’ll probably do it by themselves.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

301 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,570

Funny Quotes Topics

17,628

Funny Quotes Images

15,570

Updated

Jan 12, 2026

Users Online

3,281

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇹 has copied:

A bad relationship can ruin a good song.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has bookmarked:

I bet the person who named the fireplace also named the waterfall.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has downloaded:

Texting random numbers “It’s done.”

Someone from 🇲🇨 has shared:

Shoutout to my kids because they aren’t listening!

Someone from 🇸🇷 has downloaded:

Petition to change the name of rice cakes to something else as they are 100% rice and 0% cake and I’m tired of all the gaslighting.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has bookmarked:

We need a better word for horny that sounds elegant and gorgeous.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has viewed:

I will never understand why our washing machines feel the need to lie about how much time is left. If you need more time, just let me know, that’s fine.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has bookmarked:

“Sweet Dreams (Are Made of This)” is now 40 years old. If you have an earworm now, you also have back pain.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has downloaded:

Whoever first said, “It gets to a point,” was definitely at that point, and I feel them deeply.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has viewed:

If Shakespeare were being born today, he’d be “Shaxxespyr.”

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via WhatsApp:

Okay, I’ve proved I’m not a robot, now you prove you’re not a human.

Just shared via Facebook:

“We’re the only species that drinks milk after infancy, dairy is bad for you!” We’re also the only species that drinks peach mango pineapple spirulina kale smoothies, Karen. Let me eat my cheese in peace.

Seen just now on TikTok:

My talents are so hidden that I can’t even find them.

Making waves on Instagram:

I forgot my password, failed the captcha and have been accused of being a robot. I don’t even know how to fight these allegations.

Freshly posted on X:

Please stop calling 911 when you see me dancing. I’m fine!

Just landed via Messenger:

I wish companies would use pictures of models looking frazzled and exhausted on their websites, so I can get a real idea of what their clothes will look like on me.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

“Dairy Queen” is actually the perfect drag name.

Spotted on Messenger:

I’m not arguing, I’m just explaining why I’m right louder.

Seen just now on X:

New COVID variant tries to sell you an extended auto warranty.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

Happy to report that “what time is it/time for you to get a watch” is still being used by the youths.

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