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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇺🇾 has bookmarked:

I have two reactions when I leave the house: Ew, the people. Ew, the weather.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has downloaded:

I still can’t believe Aldi sells shopping carts for 25 cents. I’ve got 8 of them now and don’t really even have a use for them, it was just too good of a deal to pass up.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has viewed:

I can now tell the hour of the day by which part of my body needs a heating pad.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has viewed:

I have two dogs: one dominates, the other is a subwoofer.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has bookmarked:

I drink so much coffee, people feel jittery when they see a picture of me.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has viewed:

And then the vodka whispered, “Say what you really think.”

Someone from 🇦🇩 has viewed:

Drive as I say, not as I drive.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has shared:

On a dare, my son sprayed deodorant in his mouth. Now he speaks with an Axe scent.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has copied:

Who else here can say that they have NEVER watched any of the Kardashian shows?

Someone from 🇱🇻 has copied:

Why procrastinate now when you can always procrastinate later?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2447 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,609

Funny Quotes Topics

15,283

Funny Quotes Images

12,609

11 minutes ago

3,451

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on LinkedIn:

Thanks for leaving my door open; I was running low on houseflies.

Just shared via Reddit:

Don’t ever let a recipe tell you how much cheese you need to add, everyone knows cheese is measured with the heart.

Just shared via Facebook:

They were called “TV programs” because they were literally programming us, bro.

Spotted on Instagram:

“How would you describe yourself.” Me: I absolutely would not.

Live now on WhatsApp:

Wake me when AI does housework.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

Psych meds aren’t enough anymore. Hit me with a shovel.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

JFK is the perfect name for this airport because it’s a bloody headache.

Making waves on Pinterest:

If alcohol damages your short-term memory, imagine what alcohol can do.

Breaking via X:

It’s curious how kids are always really hungry right before dinner and right after dinner, but never during actual dinner.

Seen just now on Messenger:

“Your password is too weak!” Just wait until you see my impulse control.

Next to nothing is a weird place.

Jan 28, 2025

Next to nothing is a weird place.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Being in a state of 'next to nothing' is like straddling the fine line between existence and being a mysterious ninja ghost 👻. It's the limbo where your wallet feels after a shopping spree but before payday 😅💸. Welcome to the weird neighborhood of scarcity and surreal possibilities! 🚶‍♂️🤷‍♀️"

humor, next, next to nothing, nothing, perspective, place, weird, weird place

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

New Funny Quotes

Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2447 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,609

Funny Quotes Topics

15,283

Funny Quotes Images

12,609

11 minutes ago

3,441

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇦 has bookmarked:

I hate when my kids ask me impossible questions like: What day is it?

Someone from 🇪🇸 has viewed:

Accidentally blurted out “skip intro” when my mother-in-law wasn’t getting to the point.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has viewed:

People complain about jury duty as if listening to true crime all day and being sequestered at night isn’t secretly every mother’s fantasy.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has bookmarked:

What a lot of people don’t understand about mountain climbing is that don’t do that.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has bookmarked:

Home is where the Wi-Fi connects automatically and no one chews loud.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has downloaded:

Do you ever stress about money, then accidentally order from Amazon?

Someone from 🇬🇳 has viewed:

Unfortunately, if you want to end your single life, you have to do something. So that’s not for me.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has bookmarked:

Really just want to meet someone who knows what songs not to talk over.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has shared:

Just did my best horse impression and the doctor still won’t give me ketamine.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has copied:

Social media is proof that even mental hospitals have WiFi.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Facebook:

Quitting a job is not enough. I need them to go out of business when I leave.

Reported on Threads:

Traumatized people will navigate emergency situations with calm surety but then have an anxiety attack in a grocery store.

Trending via X:

I love your niche references! Are you typically ignored in large groups, by any chance?

Broadcasted on Twitch:

I’m glad cars were invented. Imagine riding a horse at 3am coming back from the club.

Live now on Facebook:

Lego better be trying to cure child cancer with how much their shit cost.

Spotted on Twitch:

Day 12 without chocolate: Lost all hearing in my left eye.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

I love wearing sunglasses. Am I looking at your face? Am I looking at your ass? No one knows.

Just landed via X:

Everyone is a genius until they try to use someone else’s microwave.

Making waves on Threads:

When I tell a joke that doesn’t land, I follow up with a worse one to make my audience realize how good they had it with the first joke.

Seen just now on Facebook:

My daughter’s morning alarm is less to wake her up, and more to warn the rest of us.

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