Nobody will know you’re stoned if you’re always stoned.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has copied:

Why insult someone when you can say something nice in a very sarcastic tone?

Someone from 🇨🇲 has shared:

Yes, I sometimes put my cell phone down. Especially when it rings.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has bookmarked:

Sometimes I can’t tell if I’m in preschool or school… Oh wait, I’m at work.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has downloaded:

My heart says, chocolate and wine, but my jeans say “Woman, are you kidding? Eat a salad!”

Someone from 🇹🇩 has bookmarked:

The adult version of “head, shoulders, knees and toes” is “wallet, glasses, keys and phone.”

Someone from 🇱🇾 has viewed:

I’ve heard that some people have kids who sleep through the night and I’d like to know if they use tranquilizers or chloroform.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has downloaded:

Distance is my jam; solitude is my peanut butter.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has downloaded:

People on Facebook be like “can anyone tell me about a thing I can easily Google myself?”

Someone from 🇮🇸 has shared:

Does anyone know if there’s a career in being a piece of shit?

Someone from 🇧🇷 has bookmarked:

If cats could text you back, they wouldn’t.