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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇷 has bookmarked:

This pillow isn’t going to scream into itself.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has viewed:

I just tried on my summer wardrobe. The only thing I managed to get into was a state of panic.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has shared:

I love to see “pan-fried” on a menu. I hate food that’s fried in a shoe.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has shared:

These people act like they’ve never seen anyone wearing a Speedo in a laundromat before.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has viewed:

Suffering from a forehead kisses deficiency (self-diagnosed).

Someone from 🇧🇫 has viewed:

Now I know why my dad used to wake up at 4AM and just sit at the kitchen table for an hour.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has downloaded:

Going to all the Halloween parties this year as the Invisible Man.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has copied:

This summer I’m going cicada mode: emerging briefly from my house and being really loud until I find a mate.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has bookmarked:

Shrimp: “When I grow up, I want to be food waste at a gala.”

Someone from 🇵🇾 has copied:

If your store’s bowl of water is just for pets, you should really put up a sign.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

Users Online

3,348

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on WhatsApp:

I alway get the same thing every year for Christmas. Fat!

Going viral on WhatsApp:

My kids asked me what games I used to play on my iPad as a kid. I told them I used to speak into a fan to sound like a robot.

Just shared via Reddit:

Your first non-broke girlfriend will change your whole perspective about relationships.

Spreading quickly via Telegram:

I can’t believe that it’s our turn to give money to our nephews and nieces.

Just shared via Slack:

Are you the sun? Because you need to stay about 92,960,000 miles away from me.

Just shared via Discord:

In your 20s and 30s, you’ll start rediscovering the niche interests and hobbies you had as a kid. It’s very important you revisit them. Your younger self was actually on to something.

Seen just now on Telegram:

The way time stretches between the moment you put your hands under the air dryer and the realization it is in fact a paper towel dispenser.

Spotted on Discord:

December turns me into someone who believes a fat man with a beard can fix everything.

Going viral on Twitch:

I want to become so financially stable that God uses my pockets to bless others.

Shared recently on Twitch:

I like when games that have no need for a jump button have a jump button.

Now that I have a standing desk, I’m adding manual labor to my resume.

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Commentary:
Way to multitask like a pro! 💼💪 Who needs a gym membership when you can just work and work out at the same time. 💪💼 #FitnessGoals #MultiTaskingChamp

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Social Media Stars ⭐

98 shares on Threads this month:

Catching me in person is rare. I move like a ghost.

75 shares on Snapchat this month:

They should invent a brain that doesn’t whisper bad things to you.

24 shares on Snapchat this month:

Gonna mess with my husband by texting “send nudes” when he’s in a work meeting.

81 shares on Twitch this month:

All dogs go to heaven, but I never see them in church.

70 shares on Twitch this month:

The bowling ball actually hangs out with the pins after work. There isn’t beef there.

23 shares on WeChat this month:

My doctor told me I should try anger management classes, and I’m still really pissed at him about it.

99 shares on Telegram this month:

My body is 70% water and 30% tired of pretending I know what I’m doing.

11 shares on Snapchat this month:

Thank you, God, for another day. Let’s get this 12-hour screen time.

42 shares on YouTube this month:

I don’t know what millennial needs to hear this, but throw away the box your phone came in. You don’t need it. You will never need it.

55 shares on Facebook this month:

Why would I want a memory pillow? Sleep is where I go to forget.

Trending Topics 📁

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Hot Jokes 💥

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Landlord: I’m raising your rent. Me: Am I getting a bigger house?

23 folks are currently checking 👀

The amount I’m sighing these days could fuel a small wind farm.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Why talk to bots when my plants listen just fine?

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Not only is Santa not real, there are also no horny singles in your area wanting to meet you.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Cooking with glasses on is so humiliating. Why did I just get blinded by steam?

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Not arguing with a man that can cook. Whatever you say, handsome.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

I admire the audacity of beavers, they just move to a new area and say “screw the neighbors, imma put a lake here”.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Girls will be like “it’s fine” then start drawing a pentagram in blood on their floorboards.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Anyone know how to grow a money tree?

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Stereotypes are like mass graves. They’re both offensive ways to lump groups of people together.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

Users Online

3,401

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇿 has downloaded:

Situation monitoring is not for the uncaffeinated.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has downloaded:

I’m sorry I don’t take orders. I barely take suggestions.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has copied:

I don’t usually think about what I say before I say it. I prefer to think about it after I’ve said it, late at night, for the rest of my life.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has downloaded:

Maybe the elephant doesn’t want to be addressed, and we should respect their boundaries.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has shared:

A penguin is a bird the way a hot dog is a sandwich.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has downloaded:

According to my kids’ Christmas lists, they think this parenting gig pays pretty well.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has downloaded:

Don’t argue with her. Just say “you remind me of my ex” then walk away.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has viewed:

Just because I’m up sharing posts at 7 a.m. doesn’t mean I’m up. Don’t call my phone.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has shared:

Feeling like Floyd in this May weather (illiterate and violent).

Someone from 🇷🇴 has bookmarked:

Just googled “insanity” over and over but was expecting different results.

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on Facebook:

I love all mythical creatures. Vampires, werewolves, unicorns, kids who listen.

Making waves on Twitch:

If the interviewer doesn’t think it’s cool when you pull a quarter out of his ear, the job wasn’t good enough for you anyways.

Going bananas on LinkedIn:

Never feel bad when people roll their eyes while you talk to them. They’re just looking for their brain.

Spotted on Facebook:

I’m not always a couch potato. For instance, right now I’m a chair potato, and later I’ll be a bed potato.

Just shared via Discord:

I started at the bottom, and it’s been downhill ever since.

Seen just now on Messenger:

“You look tired”. No, I’m just ugly.

Just shared via Slack:

The Secret Service was chasing me but I painted a tunnel on the side of a wall and they all ran into it.

Just landed via Twitch:

Yeah, baby, I am an animal in bed. More specifically a koala. I can sleep for 22 hours a day.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

I successfully avoided the red-eye flight and got the much milder pink eye flight.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

I never sit around waiting for anyone except for the pizza delivery guy.

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