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Commentary:
"Apparently, getting a toothbrush from the dentist is just a clever strategy to ensure we keep coming back for more dental adventures! 🦷🪥 Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, well, at least my oral health is in good hands! 😂"

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Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Whoever is dating my ex, all I can say is: cheat first!

1 month ago
advice, cheat, date, dating, ex, humor, i, relationship, say
Everyone tells me “take care”, but no one tells me why.

1 month ago
advice, care, communication, confusion, everyone, humor, me, misunderstanding, phrase, take, take care, why
In a parallel universe, Mariah Carey is doing her shopping and is sick of hearing me on every store’s speaker system.

1 month ago
annoyance, carey, celebrity, doing, every, hearing, humor, mariah, Mariah Carey, me, music, parallel, parallel universe, shopping, sick, speaker, speaker system, stores, system, universe
Robot bartender rips me in half after listening to my problems for over an hour.

1 month ago
after, bartender, comedy, conversation, drink, frustration, half, hour, humor, listening, me, over, problems, robot, technology
Every girl is defined by their one lost love. And by that I mean the one fast food item that was discontinued without warning, subsequently ruining their life.

1 month ago
discontinued, discontinued item, every, fast, fast food, food, food memory, girl, humor, i, item, life, life ruin, lost, lost love, love, mean, memory, nostalgia, ruin, ruining, warning
I already know how it will end. One of my children will unplug my life support to charge their phone.

1 month ago
charge, children, end, family, humor, i, irony, know, life, life support, phone, support, technology, unplug

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇱 has bookmarked:

Body: Okay, sleepy time. Brain: Okay, thinky time.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has downloaded:

The miracle of DoorDash is that I just pick up my phone, punch a few things into it, and within half an hour I have, at my door, a $52 salad.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has shared:

Jane Austen gave us men who crossed fields in the rain. Mine left me on read, and liked someone else’s story.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has viewed:

I’m rearranging the kitchen which is devastating for my husband because now suddenly he remembers where everything used to be.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has bookmarked:

Winter hack: Avoid the cold by never leaving your house.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has copied:

I can’t explain how it works, but one day, you just wake up and like sauerkraut.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has copied:

I don’t mind pulling your cart — I’ve been chasing the carrot anyway, and it’s in the same direction.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on WeChat:

That thing they say about getting drunk with the love of your life in a walkable city is no joke. It hits like crack.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

Another day on this hamster wheel to nowhere.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

Blocking someone isn’t enough, I also want them to get lice.

Shared recently on Instagram:

Rage bait often works on me because I was already angry before I read that.

Going viral on X:

We get it, comma, you went to Oxford.

Just landed via YouTube:

When you want to key his car, but he doesn’t have one, so you bend his bus pass.

Just shared via Threads:

Mondays have a black belt in psychological warfare.

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Only a fool would use the toothbrush the dentist gives you. You think the dentist would freely hand you the tools that would keep them away?

Whoever is dating my ex, all I can say is: cheat first!

Everyone tells me “take care”, but no one tells me why.

In a parallel universe, Mariah Carey is doing her shopping and is sick of hearing me on every store’s speaker system.

Robot bartender rips me in half after listening to my problems for over an hour.

Every girl is defined by their one lost love. And by that I mean the one fast food item that was discontinued without warning, subsequently ruining their life.

I already know how it will end. One of my children will unplug my life support to charge their phone.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Irregardless, for all intensive purposes, I could care less.

Sorry for bouncing my leg. I’m not allowed to bash my head into the walls anymore.

If you’re gonna spend so much time in my head, would it kill you to tidy up a bit?

Me rereading his texts after we’ve already said goodnight just so I can giggle and blush all over again.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Maturing is when you’d rather drink your bourbon half-naked on the couch than go out.

I wanted to wear some hot lingerie, but didn’t have any, so I put on this red dental floss.

Never forget that, just a couple of years ago, people were justifying paying $20,000 for a JPEG of an ape.

Being gracefully unhinged is the only way to get through the everyday bullshit.

Shade coming from a tree bearing no fruit could never phase me. Carry on.

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Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Don’t be alarmed at my semicolon usage; I’m a professional.

Doctors who give out lollipops really treat their patients.

My signature move is always learning my lessons the hard way.

I’m equally comfortable holding a guitar as I am holding a baby, I just hold them both by the neck.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Grammar is the difference between knowing your shit and knowing you’re shit.

Life hack: Allow yourself 8–12 hours of alone time every morning to prepare for the day.

Parents become grandparents and lose all their senses. All of a sudden, they got McDonald’s money now.

It’s cute when kids say what they want to be when they grow up. You’re gonna write emails on the computer, buddy.

One year older today, and still no closer to growing up.

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Only a fool would use the toothbrush the dentist gives you. You think the dentist would freely hand you the tools that would keep them away?

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Whoever is dating my ex, all I can say is: cheat first!

Everyone tells me “take care”, but no one tells me why.

In a parallel universe, Mariah Carey is doing her shopping and is sick of hearing me on every store’s speaker system.

Robot bartender rips me in half after listening to my problems for over an hour.

Every girl is defined by their one lost love. And by that I mean the one fast food item that was discontinued without warning, subsequently ruining their life.

I already know how it will end. One of my children will unplug my life support to charge their phone.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

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