The point of life is going to a good restaurant and getting two cocktails with dinner. That’s it. Posted onMay 25, 2026
It’s been so long since I had sex last, went jogging in flip flops just to remember the sound. Posted onMay 25, 2026
I’m at that age where someone can call me the wrong name and I’m just like “whatever, I’ll be Dan for a minute”. Posted onMay 25, 2026
It’s like winter is mad and keeps storming out, then coming back yelling ‘and another thing!’ Posted onMay 25, 2026
When one door closes, lock it securely, along with all your other doors and windows, before any inspirational quotes get in. Posted onMay 25, 2026
You know you’re an introvert when you want to go home before even leaving the house. Posted onMay 25, 2026
Most people prefer lies. The truth just hits them like a WiFi outage, and then they just stand there, confused and buffering. Posted onMay 25, 2026
People who quit their jobs before having a backup job lined up ain’t scared of nothing. Posted onMay 25, 2026
Imagine hating me and i’m just over here doing a much better job at hating myself than any of y’all could do. Posted onMay 25, 2026
I’m not your dream woman. I am the sudden shouting of ravens that you hear when you enter a part of the forest you shouldn’t have. Posted onMay 25, 2026
I wish it were social acceptable to say “I don’t care” and walk away mid conversation when you’re bored. Posted onMay 25, 2026
Roman soldiers are all like “I’m going to fight you in this short yet tasteful leather skirt.” Posted onMay 25, 2026
That uncontrollable urge to hurt myself and others when a film’s subtitles are slightly out of sync. Posted onMay 25, 2026
Can it still be an emotional support animal if the animal doesn’t want to participate? Asking for my cat. Posted onMay 25, 2026
Noise cancelling headphones but for when the noises are coming from inside your head. Posted onMay 25, 2026