Wordgag ツ

Commentary:
"Who needs Netflix when you've got jury duty? 🕵️‍♂️💼 But let's be real, being sequestered probably means getting more peace and quiet than any mom could dream of! 🤫🛌 #MomGoals"

being, complain, complaint, crime, day, duty, every, fantasy, humor, jury, jury duty, listening, mother, night, people, sequester, true, true crime

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I don’t understand why my cooking was garbage. I did everything right. I drank wine while I cooked. I had a hand towel over my shoulder. Literally everything right.

0

4 months ago

cooking, cooking fail, drank, everything, fail, garbage, hand, hand towel, humor, i, kitchen, literally, over, right, shoulder, towel, understand, while, why, wine
Just had my biannual teeth cleaning like some barn animal.

0

2 months ago

animal, barn, biannual, cleaning, dental, humor, hygiene, just, teeth
The best part about NYC is you literally see a brand new, hottest woman in your entire life every single day.

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3 weeks ago

attraction, best, brand, city, city life, daily, daily life, dating, day, every, hot, hot woman, hottest, humor, life, literally, new, NYC, single, woman
One day you’re young and fun, and the next thing you know, you’re staring out of a window for no reason.

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2 months ago

aging, boredom, day, fun, know, next, reason, reflection, staring, thing, window, young, youth
This weekend was so busy, I hardly had time to sit around in my pajamas and doom scroll.

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2 months ago

around, busy, doom, doom scroll, downtime, i, internet, leisure, media, pajamas, relaxation, rest, scroll, sit, social, social media, time, weekend
ADHD is when you buy a blender and then make smoothies every day for 2 weeks, and then never make one or even acknowledge your blender ever again.

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2 months ago

2, ADHD, again, appliance, blender, buy, day, even, ever, every, forgetfulness, habit, humor, kitchen, kitchen appliance, never, routine, smoothie, weeks

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

42 shares on Discord this month:

I hope your day is as nice as my ass.

90 shares on X this month:

I’m single because of everyone else’s shortcomings.

98 shares on Discord this month:

“Your account balance is low!” Brother, wait until you see my will to live.

15 shares on Discord this month:

The sexual tension between my tendency to do something stupid and my resolve not to.

34 shares on Snapchat this month:

All these laws are really getting in the way of my driving.

99 shares on TikTok this month:

The pumpkin was invented in 1942 when a watermelon put on a pair of corduroys.

24 shares on X this month:

I want to be so rich that when I see a spider in my house I won’t kill it, I’d buy another house.

38 shares on Facebook this month:

You’d seriously think I was wanted for murder by the way I react when someone knocks on the door.

91 shares on Discord this month:

Two people had sex and now I’m fighting for my life everyday.

45 shares on Twitch this month:

Not now, kitten. Mommy’s destroying and betraying herself for nothing.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇷 has downloaded:

Why do men always think “looking for fun” means sex? Wat if I want us to draw?

Someone from 🇹🇻 has shared:

Gang initiations from the Midwest be like “you have to eat the entire potato salad.”

Someone from 🇲🇰 has viewed:

Middle-aged math is going out drinking and feeling half your age then waking up the next morning feeling twice your age.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has shared:

I forgot how to panic. Help!

Someone from 🇹🇬 has downloaded:

Of course I talk to myself. Sometimes I need expert advice.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has downloaded:

Hope this email finds you moonwalking out of work early.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has bookmarked:

“I’m going to get more sleep tonight” is always the first lie I tell myself in the morning.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has shared:

Have you fallen in love with me yet, or do I need to post more nonsense?

Someone from 🇨🇺 has shared:

“Are you busy tomorrow?” My dear, that entirely depends on the rest of the information you’re about to give me.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has shared:

Everyone wants the bagel to be everything, but no one asks if the bagel needs anything.

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on Reddit:

I was guest-starring on The Love Boat when you woke me up. You’re dead to me.

Just landed via Snapchat:

My attempts to purge my possessions always seem to result in me rediscovering that I have lots of nice things, after which I lie happily on my hoard like a dragon.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

Imagine if every time you stepped into an elevator, it played the “Mission Impossible” theme.

Making waves on YouTube:

The first thing you learn to draw in art school is money from your parents bank account.

Live now on YouTube:

I know life can be tough, but you still gotta wear deodorant.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

Alcohol is actually a performance-enhancing drug. But you’re not gonna like the performance.

Live now on TikTok:

“I’ve been fantasizing about going back to bed since I woke up this morning.”

Breaking via Snapchat:

Going back on a dating app is the new walk of shame.

Making waves on Facebook:

If you’re 20, please stop saying you’re tired. I have bananas older than you.

Making waves on Telegram:

First date idea: unlock and switch phones with the other person for exactly two minutes and if no one is horrified then the date continues.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

People complain about jury duty as if listening to true crime all day and being sequestered at night isn’t secretly every mother’s fantasy.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

I don’t understand why my cooking was garbage. I did everything right. I drank wine while I cooked. I had a hand towel over my shoulder. Literally everything right.

Just had my biannual teeth cleaning like some barn animal.

The best part about NYC is you literally see a brand new, hottest woman in your entire life every single day.

One day you’re young and fun, and the next thing you know, you’re staring out of a window for no reason.

This weekend was so busy, I hardly had time to sit around in my pajamas and doom scroll.

ADHD is when you buy a blender and then make smoothies every day for 2 weeks, and then never make one or even acknowledge your blender ever again.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨