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"Remember, sharing is caring…unless we're talking about my illegal substances! Those are strictly for personal enjoyment only. 🙅‍♂️🚫 #FindersKeepersLosersWeepers"

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Trending Funny Quotes 👇

My talents are so hidden that I can’t even find them.

0

2 months ago

hidden, humor, i, irony, self-deprecation, talent
Two sheep walk into a baaaaa.

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2 months ago

animal, baaaa, humor, joke, pun, sheep, walk, wordplay
I’m perfectly approachable as long as you’re carrying a plate of nachos.

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2 months ago

approachable, carrying, food, humor, interaction, joke, nachos, perfectly, plate, snack, social, social interaction
Sorry, boss, I can’t come in to work today, I’m gonna be playing outside.

0

2 months ago

boss, day, day off, excuse, fun, i, outside, play, playing, sorry, today, work
I love how all the movies about teenagers have to be set in the 90s or earlier otherwise we’d just be watching kids on their phones for two hours.

0

2 months ago

90s, culture, earlier, entertainment, hours, humor, i, just, kids, love, movy, nostalgia, phones, set, technology, teenager, watching, youth
Saying “You’re tearing this family apart” whenever someone argues with me.

0

1 month ago

apart, argument, conflict, drama, exaggeration, family, humor, me, saying, someone, tearing, whenever

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

70 shares on Messenger this month:

We have decided to sell the house. How long do you think it will take for our landlord to find out?

47 shares on Telegram this month:

Spewing nonsense online is the most fun a depressed person is allowed to have in these twisted times.

60 shares on Instagram this month:

Tuah Kill a Hawkingbird

25 shares on Reddit this month:

There’s nothing worse than being in public and you touch something that shouldn’t be sticky and it is.

89 shares on Discord this month:

I bought some coconut shampoo today. I got halfway home before I thought, “I don’t even have a coconut!”

60 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Are you really a personal trainer or do you just want to wear shorts to work every day?

68 shares on Slack this month:

Dracula had it right, sleep all day, live alone in a castle and explode into a thousand bats to get out of social situations.

61 shares on LinkedIn this month:

My favorite thing to do is nothing.

82 shares on Pinterest this month:

“You changed!” Yeah, I thought three days in the same outfit was kinda pushing it.

41 shares on Messenger this month:

I hate how what would have been a parody is now reality.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇲 has bookmarked:

I need an Apple Watch that tracks when my patience runs out.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has viewed:

I truly wonder what it sounded like when Medusa washed her hair at night.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has copied:

Chuck Norris can rub two fires together to get a piece of wood.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has shared:

Getting tipsy at a dimly lit restaurant with good conversation would heal me right now.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has copied:

They need to increase life expectancy so I can squeeze in another mid-life crisis.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has copied:

The sexiest thing a man can do is have a problem-solving mentality.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has copied:

Used dark mode so much that I became physically repulsed when I see a white screen.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has downloaded:

Carefully choosing which wine to pair with a McRib.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has copied:

I’m not exaggerating when I say, if I ever clogged a toilet at work, I would immediately quit, change my name, and then move to a different city.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has downloaded:

The state of my house can best be described as “there seems to have been a struggle”.

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via Pinterest:

Welcome to your 40’s. You now have to second guess your age as you can’t believe you’re that old.

Going bananas on Reddit:

I hate being in that mood where nothing’s really wrong but nothing feels right either.

Just shared via Reddit:

The government always waits until the last minute to prevent a shutdown, much like my approach to paying taxes.

Broadcasted on LinkedIn:

The nice thing about egotists is that they don’t talk about other people.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

I’m really hoping money falls from the sky this week, or else I’m doomed.

Spreading quickly via Instagram:

Whoever invented the “skip intro” button really understood humans.

Shared recently on Telegram:

Sunday is my favorite day where I pretend I’m going to do something productive.

Shared recently on Slack:

Microsoft Teams needs to add a “spank” reaction for when I want to reprimand my employees during a video call.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

Roses are red. Pizza sauce is too. I ordered a large. And none of it’s for you.

Shared recently on Messenger:

Our parents just don’t know how far we rode them bikes when we were younger.

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Activity Log ✨

Please don’t take illegal substances. Or at least, don’t take MY illegal substances.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

My talents are so hidden that I can’t even find them.

Two sheep walk into a baaaaa.

I’m perfectly approachable as long as you’re carrying a plate of nachos.

Sorry, boss, I can’t come in to work today, I’m gonna be playing outside.

I love how all the movies about teenagers have to be set in the 90s or earlier otherwise we’d just be watching kids on their phones for two hours.

Saying “You’re tearing this family apart” whenever someone argues with me.

Social Media Stars ⭐

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