Commentary:
Ah, the good old swing jumping days! 🎠💨 Who knew our knees were once as fresh as a brand new pair of sneakers? 👟😂 They've definitely seen better days now! #ThrowbackThursday #KidAtHeart
New funny quotes β¨

I don’t wanna be dramatic but the work week continuously restarting is literally ruining my life.
Commentary:
"Does anyone else feel personally victimized by Monday's relentless return? 🙄 Let's petition to replace it with a second Sunday, who's with me? 🙌 #MondaySlander"
Related Funny Quotes 🤝
- Accidentally became important at work and it’s ruining my life.
- Not to be dramatic, but learning how to read has ruined my life.
- Middle children as adults still trying to get attention because the oldest is being dramatic and the younger child is getting away with everything.
- I don’t need your flipping advice, I am capable of ruining my life on my own.
- Every girl is defined by their one lost love. And by that I mean the one fast food item that was discontinued without warning, subsequently ruining their life.
Commentary:
📰🛍️ "Breaking News: Local woman baffles wallets and dazzles delivery men with yet another mind-boggling unnecessary online purchase! 💁♀️💸 Who needs a practical reason to shop when you can just stun everyone with your fabulousness instead? Stay tuned for more updates on this fashionable and financially fearless phenomenon!"
Related Funny Quotes 🤝
- Breaking news is really breaking me.
- The local casino is hosting a speed dating event. Just what every woman needs, a new boyfriend with a gambling problem.
- Breaking News: Jenny on Facebook is having salad for dinner tonight.
- Breaking news: you’re way less interesting than you think you are.
- Good news: I only ate one slice of pizza. Bad news: I did that four times in a row.

Old people be like βno elbows on the table, itβs rudeβ then say something racist.
Commentary:
Old people be like "no elbows on the table, it's rude" 🧐… and then proceed to drop a racially charged comment like it's some kind of tea party game of bingo 🙄🤷♂️. Oh, the joys of generational quirks and contradictions! #JustOldPeopleThings 🤣
Related Funny Quotes 🤝
- The difference between the kids table and the adults table during holiday dinners is that there is much more screaming, crying, and arguing at the adults table.
- It’s generally a good idea to start punching and throwing elbows immediately upon waking up because there may be enemies nearby.
- I purposely overcook my holiday turkeys so I don’t have to hear anyone at the table say, “moist.”
- The real miracle is how Jesus managed to book a table for twenty-six people on the night before the Easter holiday, and then only half them showed up.
- My funeral better have a bloody merch table.
Commentary:
"Ready to tackle Monday like a boss, even if it means holding on to that thread for dear life! 🤣💪 Bring it on, week, we'll keep hanging in there like the resilient champs we are! 🙌 #MondayMotivation"
Related Funny Quotes 🤝
- Super excited about a brand new week of faking it.
- Super excited about a brand new year full of questionable life choices.
- Super excited about a brand new day of ignoring my problems.
- Soccer: I love when they hold up the sign and a brand new, beautiful boy takes the place of a dirty, sweaty, ruined one.
- I love when I get an email from a brand saying “we miss you!” with no coupon attached. Babe, a lot of people miss me, let’s be competitive here.
Commentary:
Hiring managers beware: this job seeker is ready to tackle any task… as long as it doesn't involve crafting a dreaded cover letter! 📝🙅♂️ Who's got time for eloquent prose when there are memes to be browsed and snacks to be eaten, am I right? 😂 Stay tuned for the next episode of "Avoiding Cover Letters: A Memoir."
Related Funny Quotes 🤝
- Cover letters are so embarrassing. Why am I writing a love letter to this shitty company?
- Having to write cover letters is so dumb. Do you really believe my dream ever since I was a little girl was to work for you? No. It was to ride a pony on a funky space rainbow. Grow up.
- AI is trained on what we write, so if we want to save our jobs we should all write really badly for a while. I’ve been doing my bit for years.
- I did not attend his funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.
- I’ve already sent Santa a short letter this week to say hello. Not that he thinks I only get in touch if I want something.

Need to clean the fridge, so Iβm going to do the responsible thing and drink wine instead.
Commentary:
"Priorities, people! 🍷 Why clean when you can have a thrilling grape adventure? The fridge can wait, but wine can't – it's getting old! 😂🍇 #WineOverResponsibilities"
Related Funny Quotes 🤝
- The fact that I have a lot of wine in the house proves that I don’t drink much. Otherwise the wine would be gone.
- Wine must breathe. I always hear that wine needs to breathe. I want to drink it and not revive it.
- I like to play this fun game while I clean out the fridge called what is this, how long has it been in here and how do I kill it?
- Of course the laundry has to be done, but the wine doesn’t drink itself either.
- Always keep a bottle of wine in the fridge for special occasions. Like Wednesday.
Commentary:
"Here we observe the elusive human in its natural habitat, exhibiting its most impressive skill: snoozing 💤. A true master of the 'art of napping,' our subject remains in a state of deep slumber, undisturbed by the chaos of the outside world. Truly a captivating spectacle to behold! 🌟 #SleepGoals"
Related Funny Quotes 🤝
- Menstruation is bizarre. It’s like something David Lynch would have came up with.
- Before sleeping, most people will imagine stuff they want to happen. Like sleeping.
- Welcome to your 40s: you get tired from sleeping now.
- True luxury is sleeping until you wake up by yourself.
- Sleeping in now means waking up without the alarm clock, but still at the same time.

I donβt know who needs to hear this but youβre not dying, itβs just Monday.
Commentary:
Hey there, friend! 🌟 Just a gentle reminder that Monday blues are temporary – you've got this! 💪 Remember, it's not the end of the world, it's just the start of the week! 😁 Keep calm and Monday on! 🚀 #MondayMotivation
Related Funny Quotes 🤝
- I don’t know who needs to hear this right now, but it’s time to fold the laundry that’s been lying around since last Sunday.
- I don’t know who needs to hear this, but no one in the world is judging you as much as you’re judging yourself. People online: Hold my beer.
- Wine must breathe. I always hear that wine needs to breathe. I want to drink it and not revive it.
- Just once I’d like to wake up, turn on the news, and hear “Monday has been cancelled,” and then go back to sleep.
- When I see chocolate, I hear two voices inside me. One says: “Eat it!”. The other says: “Did you hear that? You’re supposed to eat it!”

βMale loneliness epidemicβ and itβs just karma and the consequences of their actions.
Commentary:
Well, it seems like the "male loneliness epidemic" is here to remind everyone that what goes around comes around! 🤷♂️ Maybe they should have thought twice before ghosting, huh? Looks like Karma's got a great sense of humor too! 😂 #LonelyButNotAlone
Related Funny Quotes 🤝
- Proudly doing my part to cause the male loneliness epidemic.
- “I have a date with destiny.” Yeah well, I’m in a long-term relationship with the consequences of my actions.
- I don’t know about you guys, but when I have to make a decision I analyze the situation, evaluate the risk, take measures to limit the consequences and then I completely screw up.
- My kid is turning out just like me. Well played, karma. Well-played.
- My life advice is always the same. Wait for karma, but take up kickboxing, just in case.
Commentary:
"Embrace your quirks like a boss and strut your weirdness with pride! 🌟 Own that awkward dance move or bizarre hobby – confidence is the key to standing out in a world full of wannabes! 🤪💃 #WeirdAndProud"
Related Funny Quotes 🤝
- I used to think that the older you get, the wiser and more self-confident you become. I now know that you just get tired more quickly.
- You can talk about any topic for 30 mins if you’re a confident liar.
- Some people get weird as they get older. Not me, though. I’ve always been weird.
- Weirdos gonna weird.
- Stop normalizing things, we’ll run out of the weird shit.