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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇸 has shared:

I am staying up till a million o’clock tonight.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has copied:

Sorry, I can’t today. I have to sit in my room and make matters worse.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has viewed:

I don’t even know who’s famous anymore.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has bookmarked:

I just sneezed my wife awake from a nap so any discussion about renewing vows is on hold for a bit.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has copied:

“What’s something you’d tell your younger self?” You can have ice cream for dinner, nobody will stop you.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has bookmarked:

Sex is cool, but have you ever found an academic article that fits your research topic perfectly and supports all of your claims?

Someone from 🇱🇸 has bookmarked:

I hope your day is as nice as my ass.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has copied:

If my toddler doesn’t sleep again tonight, I’m running away into the forest.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has bookmarked:

Awkwardly stares into the abyss in between meetings.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has bookmarked:

I can usually cope with the opinions of others because I don’t listen.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,548

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via WeChat:

There comes a time in everyone’s life when you hear the newest slang, and you decide that you don’t care enough to know what it means.

Spotted on Threads:

“Who does she think she is?” Well, it appears she is someone living her life unconcerned with who you think she is.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

“Are you seeing someone?” Like a hallucination, therapist, or a guy?

Going viral on Slack:

Some people get it. Most people don’t.

Freshly posted on Slack:

Staying in bed all day is my way of saving money.

Trending via Messenger:

I get all the cardio I need by running out of patience.

Just landed via Discord:

Feelings are like children. You don’t want them driving the car, but you shouldn’t stuff them in the trunk either.

Spreading quickly via Reddit:

I’m on this new diet where I don’t consume anything that talks to me before the first coffee.

Trending via YouTube:

Old age is like a glorious, extended long weekend, but you always know Monday’s coming.

Spotted on Reddit:

One day you’re cool and then the next, you realize your favorite pair of pants are sweatpants from the grocery store.

Showers are the best places to lose arguments with yourself.

Witty quote about showers being perfect for losing arguments with yourself, playful and humorous.
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Commentary:
"Who knew that shampoo and deep contemplation could be such fierce opponents in the battle of self-doubt? 🚿🤔 It's hard to stay victorious when your thoughts keep outsmarting you in the bathroom arena!"

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Keep the laugh going 😂

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Social Media Stars ⭐

60 shares on Pinterest this month:

Really looking forward to the day my teenager starts speaking English again.

77 shares on Twitch this month:

My daughter’s new Bluetooth karaoke mic has suddenly and mysteriously disappeared, and we are all just so, so sad that we can’t find it.

75 shares on X this month:

That awkward moment when a zombie looking for brains walks right past you.

45 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Brushing your teeth at night is a hellish chore. Walking from bed to bathroom feels harder than working in the mines all day. I’m getting pissed just thinking about it.

69 shares on Telegram this month:

If I have to look at any more spreadsheets today, you’re gonna have to spread my ashes.

88 shares on Telegram this month:

Some people are living proof that brain failure does not immediately lead to death.

56 shares on Snapchat this month:

Please do not test me. I’ve been saving up my rage like PTO.

97 shares on Facebook this month:

I’m only dead on the outside.

41 shares on TikTok this month:

Death by a thousand stupid questions.

16 shares on TikTok this month:

Just rolled over for a cuddle.. forgot I’m single… fell off the bed.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Relationship status: I’m the only one wearing my hoodies.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

I like that they put all that stuff outside for you to look at when you’re on a walk.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

My sex life is so dead, it has its own tombstone.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

You ever have your knees crack so good that you expect them to glow in the dark. Yeah, me too.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

I like it when you’re reading a comic and you can tell the writer is pissed about what the last writer did to the character.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Hell hath no fury like a toddler who lost the chance to push a button.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Imagine you go bowling by yourself and you go sit down, but it’s your turn again.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Imagine hating me and I’m just over here hating myself.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Women will be like “I know a spot,” and then take you directly to hell.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Let’s just call ourselves divorced now and skip the stressful, expensive bit in the middle.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,440

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇿 has shared:

The problem with “treat yourself” is that I don’t know how to stop. I had a bad day in March, and I’ve been treating myself ever since.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has bookmarked:

There’s nothing I hate more than a failed nap attempt.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has bookmarked:

Dogs come when they’re called; cats take a message and get back to you later.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has copied:

A dating app for people who self sabotage called Hinder.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has viewed:

Traffic is the fault of the guy immediately in front of you.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has copied:

If you ever find yourself as a houseguest for an extended period of time, here is the golden rule for success: invisible by day, charming by night.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has copied:

The Angry Birds assaulted me and made me rip their disgusting bong.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has copied:

I love a touchy-feely man. Like, yes, please keep your hands on me.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has shared:

Looking to sell my DeLorean. Great shape, low mileage. Only driven from time to time.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has bookmarked:

Quitting my job to focus on being in love.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Pinterest:

They should invent a second airport for people who have been in public before.

Trending via YouTube:

Shout out to the people getting $400 hotel rooms on Feb 14th to do the same two positions they do at home.

Going viral on Messenger:

Hey (with the intention of going to sleep).

Going viral on Slack:

Forgetting how to clean the dishes and shooting them with a gun.

Trending via YouTube:

Being a woman is wild. I just cried, cleaned the house, had a snack, had a bath, and now I’m fine.

Seen just now on Twitch:

Of all the ways to be miserable, marriage is the most expensive.

Just landed via Telegram:

The advantage of being an identical twin: you only need one gym contract.

Spotted on Messenger:

I’m so sick of these little 30-minute weekends.

Just landed via Discord:

Not working on myself because I make better content this way.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

I told myself I’d behave today. Then I saw my reflection and thought, maybe tomorrow.

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