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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇫🇯 has downloaded:

Imagine the sound a centipede would make if they wore tiny flip flops.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has shared:

Thrifting must be so awesome for big guys and extremely small women.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has copied:

I will never forget when my dad had a guy from Verizon call me in middle school to tell me that I was using more data than Obama and that I need to stop.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has downloaded:

I don’t remember if I took my pills, but I can’t check because I can’t remember where I put my glasses.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has copied:

“Stand up for yourself!” Girl, I have low iron.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has copied:

I once had a psychic girlfriend, she left me before we met.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has downloaded:

My spirit animal is chasing his own tail.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has copied:

It’s funny how everyone who was all about Christmas a week ago is suddenly into New Year’s now.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has viewed:

The art of staying somewhat sane in an insane world.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has copied:

Perfume is key, but deodorant is keyer and showering is keyest.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,305

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on Slack:

We argue about where to go for dinner for so long, it eventually becomes an argument on where to go for breakfast.

Spotted on Twitch:

People who play golf don’t concern me nearly as much as the people who watch it.

Just shared via Discord:

I believe in annoyed at first sight.

Trending via Pinterest:

Why is sugar SO addictive, and broccoli is just like, “I’ll be here when you need me”

Freshly posted on Messenger:

They should make the last foot of dental floss red so you know when you’re about to run out.

Just landed via Slack:

The real reason for global warming is that today’s young people are nowhere near as cool as we were back then.

Spotted on Pinterest:

It’s like 10,000 steps when all you need is a nap.

Making waves on WeChat:

Let’s ruin each other’s sleep schedules and call it romance.

Spotted on Snapchat:

I caught your husband cheating on you at an Alanis concert, and thought you, you, you oughta know.

Breaking via Twitch:

You can eat cheesecake for breakfast if you want to. No one can stop you. The police can’t even stop you.

So far, no one has seriously tried to bribe me, which is a shame because I am extremely corrupt. Maybe I need a position with more power.

Witty quote about corruption and power with a humorous, playful tone.
Download image ↓

Commentary:
"No bribes yet? Maybe it's time to up your corruption game and aim for that power position! 💰💼😂 #CorruptAndWilling"

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Keep the laugh going 😂

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Random Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

64 shares on Discord this month:

Twitter is like a mental hospital where everyone thinks they are the only sane person and everyone else is crazy.

18 shares on X this month:

I asked my dad what his favorite joke was. He said, “I can’t pick a favorite. I love you and your sister equally!”

44 shares on X this month:

A marriage is about solving problems together, you know, those problems you wouldn’t have if you were single.

46 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Adulthood is about being able to eat cookies for breakfast, but not doing it because you already ate all the cookies.

48 shares on WeChat this month:

I am such a fun person and so easy to get along with as long as the layout I have secretly imagined for the entire day goes exactly as I planned it without variation or interruption.

77 shares on X this month:

My mayor is Muslim, my bagels are Jewish, my Dior is Christian.

60 shares on YouTube this month:

Starting to think I’m single because of everyone else’s shortcomings.

78 shares on Slack this month:

I had 99 problems but getting divorced solved 98 of them.

69 shares on Snapchat this month:

You ever have one of those days that require the use of both of your middle fingers?

33 shares on Reddit this month:

Waiting for the websites to start offering pizza instead of just cookies.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

17 folks are currently checking 👀

There are always new uncomplimentary angles to view yourself from. Keep contorting!

24 folks are currently checking 👀

In a turn of unexpected events, I need to learn karate by tomorrow morning.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Daylight savings is just a made up holiday to sell more daylight.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Aliens are gonna be super confused when they show up threatening to overthrow our leaders and we’re all stoked and offer to help.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

The T in depression stands for the therapy places that are immediately available.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Preparing for my beach vacation by watching Jaws.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Perfume is key, but deodorant is keyer and showering is keyest.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

People are too casual about the fact that parrots can talk.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

I need like twelve incomes for this lifestyle I have in my head.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

If we’re not meant to have midnight snacks, why is there a light in the fridge.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,465

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇴 has bookmarked:

I love canceling plans. I didn’t want to go in the first place. I just wanted to be invited.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has downloaded:

I hated rats even before my girlfriend left me for one.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has viewed:

You should get one IG story in addition to your one phone call when you’re arrested.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has shared:

No one ever talks about the 6th love language (being annoying).

Someone from 🇼🇸 has shared:

The way I forget stuff at my age, I just know it is over for me after 50.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has downloaded:

Don’t forget, you are someone’s weird colleague.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has viewed:

If she has Bukowski on her nightstand, she will devour you.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has bookmarked:

Please hesitate to get in touch with me.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has shared:

If I text you an accordion emoji, it means you better start acting accordingly.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has viewed:

I was in Paris with a boyfriend once and he lit a candle in Notre Dame in order to ask God to raise the price of Bitcoin.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Threads:

By the time my CVS receipt finished printing, I was eligible for another prescription refill.

Going viral on Snapchat:

Really love how dancing alone in your room can literally save your life.

Trending via WhatsApp:

If Keith Richards survived the ’70s, the ’80s, and 1.2 million Marlboros, I can probably survive anything.

Seen just now on Slack:

Asked a German woman why Germany produced so many legendary physicists / mathematicians, and her response was basically, “Have you considered educating people who aren’t rich?”

Broadcasted on X:

Stick with me and you’ll go places. None of them good, but still.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

I started at the bottom and worked my way down.

Going bananas on Slack:

I will unfriend, uncousin, unco-worker, unfollow, unfamily any draining soul real quick.

Just shared via Slack:

Follow your dreams – ideally in a field that will still require humans when you graduate.

Trending via Messenger:

Grandparents were right. Sitting in a chair, doing nothing, and staring at nature is incredible.

Going bananas on Telegram:

I’m scared to go to an art museum, because what if they decide to keep me?

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