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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇪🇨 has viewed:

Seeing my kids getting along, laughing, and peacefully playing together is the best minute of my day.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has shared:

Sorry, can’t go out tonight. My bed told me it needs me, and I can’t let it down.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has shared:

Feminism convinced women they could have it all. Now they’re 40, independent, and crying in a very nice but empty apartment.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has copied:

People who often talk to themselves are more intelligent than others. At least that’s what I tell myself.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has copied:

I don’t understand people who don’t have kids. Imagine having absolutely nobody to blame when you’re late.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has bookmarked:

Is losing your mind a hobby?

Someone from 🇼🇸 has copied:

When you say “You’re going to hate me for this,” you’re making a very large assumption that I don’t hate you already.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has copied:

If I was on Love Island, I wouldn’t be fighting anyone or starting drama. I would just be playing mermaids in the pool the whole time. They’ve got that giant, beautiful pool, and nobody’s using it.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has downloaded:

Grammar is the difference between knowing your shit and knowing you’re shit.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has shared:

All the smart people at the office are worried about being replaced by A.I., but not me. I’m safe until they invent Artificial Stupidity.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2305 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,467

Funny Quotes Topics

15,179

Funny Quotes Images

12,467

2 minutes ago

3,429

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Pinterest:

Perhaps the most universal American experience is your mom being like, “Wasn’t he such a good dentist? He’s in prison now.”

Freshly posted on Slack:

I do block people right away; you’re not going to stress me out on my own phone, with my own internet, and in my own house.

Going viral on Threads:

Feeling morally and spiritually adrift without a Sunday HBO show.

Broadcasted on X:

Nothing has paid off less than learning to do the Macarena.

Trending via Reddit:

And once again my day begins without a red carpet! Guys, I’m really disappointed in you.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

Oh, sorry, I can’t right now. I’m imagining some things and worrying about them.

Going viral on Reddit:

Ironic that the two ơ’s in “cooperate” insist on having their own separate sounds.

Making waves on Reddit:

People who live in glass houses shouldn’t change clothes.

Spotted on Reddit:

Interviewer: “What did you learn from your previous job?” Me: “That I need a new job.”

Trending via Slack:

Look, ice cream has eggs in it, therefore it is a breakfast food.

Sometimes I want to go back in time and punch myself in the face.

Jan 20, 2025

Sometimes I want to go back in time and punch myself in the face.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Ah yes, the classic case of past self vs current self showdown! 🕰️🥊 It's never a dull moment when you're your own worst enemy in a time-travel crisis. Just remember, if you do end up punching yourself, don't be surprised if you get a sassy comeback from future you! 😆👊 #TimeTravelTroubles"

back, face, humor, i, past, punch, reflection, regret, self, time, time travel, travel, want

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

New Funny Quotes

Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2305 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,467

Funny Quotes Topics

15,179

Funny Quotes Images

12,467

2 minutes ago

3,459

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇭🇺 has bookmarked:

The first thing you learn to draw in art school is money from your parents bank account.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has downloaded:

Nothing more dangerous than an ignorant man who thinks he is a genius.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has copied:

Quitting my job to pursue my true passion: not working.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has shared:

What, and I cannot stress this enough, day is it.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has shared:

I’m not being smart, I’m just a skilled trained professional in pointing out the obvious.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has shared:

Our house is so messy that if we ever disappeared, the police would have no idea if there were “signs of a struggle”.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has shared:

I read somewhere that playing white noise helps you sleep better, but I didn’t find country music helpful at all.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has downloaded:

Welcome to adulthood: 9pm is midnight now.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has bookmarked:

People who can fall asleep quickly freak me out… I mean, don’t they have thoughts?

Someone from 🇹🇼 has viewed:

Humming & dancing while I plop my meds into my weekly pill counter like the happy little nutcase I am.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Messenger:

30s: Oh look, a dance floor! 50s: Oh look, a couch!

Just landed via Facebook:

If a girl sends you selfies and you don’t compliment her, she should be allowed to electrocute you.

Broadcasted on Messenger:

The role I play at family gatherings is that of the cousin that doesn’t show up anymore.

Broadcasted on Twitch:

Once again, I was not nominated for an Oscar this morning for acting my way through life.

Seen just now on YouTube:

Odd people reviewing a dessert: It’s not too sweet which is what I like.

Seen just now on X:

A month in Italy has halved my will to work and doubled my desire for money.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

I accidentally relaxed too much, and now I don’t have enough anxiety to get stuff done.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

Asked my therapist who their therapist was and went to see them. Asked them the same thing until I got to the final boss therapist and defeated them with my trainwreck of a life.

Making waves on Reddit:

People really be like, “I would never do that to you,” and then do it with a remix.

Trending via Twitch:

I was walking near a construction site today and heard the foreman yell, “You’re doing a good job!” I know that was meant for me.

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