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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇭 has copied:

I no longer dislike Mondays, I’m mature now… I dislike the whole week.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has shared:

I wasn’t sure why the doctor prescribed LSD for my constipation, until I saw a dragon and shit myself.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has viewed:

Remember when a series of unfortunate events was a book and not your life?

Someone from 🇼🇸 has bookmarked:

Working your entire life so you can ‘enjoy’ a couple of years when you’re close to death is the biggest scam of all time.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has bookmarked:

The only thing preventing me from moving to Finland is the language barrier and a job.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has shared:

Spending 5 minutes looking up every word I want to use in a sentence to make sure I can define it in case they ask.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has downloaded:

Being bi means you say both yay and bruh.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has viewed:

If you don’t believe aliens walk amongst us, who else could write such unnatural dialogue in pharmaceutical commercials?

Someone from 🇹🇴 has downloaded:

Me liking your post is the equivalent of an angel kissing your forehead.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has downloaded:

Immediately de-escalating an international conflict by posting an angry looking selfie with the caption “Come on, guys.”

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,648

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Pinterest:

If anyone wants a more cost effective energy provider, I can supply endless energy on tap from my absolutely not tired child at bedtime.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

Yes, money alone does not make you happy. It has to be yours too.

Trending via WhatsApp:

If someone drunk texts you, appreciate it. They’ve thought of you when they can barely think straight.

Going viral on Snapchat:

The real reason for global warming is that today’s young people are nowhere near as cool as we were back then.

Spreading quickly via Facebook:

Just seen the cost of funerals and no wonder people are living longer.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

If your girlfriend doesn’t go a little psycho on you from time to time, then she’s not in love with you, sweetie.

Just landed via Slack:

Why isn’t there a mosquito that sucks fat?

Trending via Messenger:

For introverts, the worst kind of head-on collision is running directly into the person we’re avoiding at the grocery store.

Shared recently on Telegram:

Mindfulness is out. We’re doing drugs again.

Trending via Facebook:

Me, gently telling my kids that I ate the rest of the ice cream: Your dad ate the rest of the ice cream.

Sorry, but if you’re walking slower than me on the sidewalk, you’re my enemy. Walking faster than me? Also my enemy. Now if you’re walking at the same speed as me… hmm, yeah, I’m thinking enemy.

Clever, humorous text about sidewalk speed and friendly enemies.
Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Watch out, folks! The speed demon has spoken! Enemies at every pace 🚶‍♂️⚔️ At this rate, the only safe path is to moonwalk on the sidewalk 🌟🕺 #EnemyEverywhere #NeedForSpeed"

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Keep the laugh going 😂

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Social Media Stars ⭐

66 shares on LinkedIn this month:

It’s really important to stay hydrated at work, so you can take as many 10-minute-long bathroom breaks as possible.

25 shares on Instagram this month:

It’s been too long since I partook in shenanigans.

61 shares on WeChat this month:

Sometimes the whole point of going out is to then really savor coming back home.

63 shares on X this month:

If liars’ pants really did catch on fire, watching the news would be a lot more fun.

89 shares on X this month:

I went to clean bathroom and I’m 99% sure my kids shoot their toothpaste out of a cannon.

90 shares on Pinterest this month:

Me: This is a hard escape room. Manager: You’re at work.

56 shares on WhatsApp this month:

If you’re cremated after you die, you can be put into an hourglass and continue to participate in family game night.

35 shares on Slack this month:

My mom asked me to hand out invitations for my brother’s surprise birthday party, and that’s when I realized he was the favorite twin.

100 shares on Facebook this month:

They should invent someone who holds me.

53 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Come on, karma, do your job.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

20 folks are currently checking 👀

My optimism doesn’t come out of thin air. A flask is involved.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Why can’t men admit when they doze off? What’s wrong with them?

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Dating me is super easy. I text you at 8; you reply at 8:00:01.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Me: trying to rest. Earthquake: Let’s make that a no.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

The first time I heard “big naturals,” I thought it referred to major outdoor landmarks such as the Grand Canyon or the Great Barrier Reef.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Married life: Telling your partner the same sentence 7 days in a row, only for him to say, “You definitely never told me that!”

5 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t want flying cars, I want the ability to start again from my last save point.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m addicted to placebos.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

I love it when strangers smile at me and I smile back, and we have that nice stranger smiling moment.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Girl math is ten thousand spoons when all you need is a knife.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,728

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇧 has copied:

Amazing if accurate: bleeding money.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has copied:

“I” before “E,” except when your foreign neighbor Keith receives eight counterfeit beige sleighs from weird, feisty, caffeinated weightlifters.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has downloaded:

They need to invent a job for people who aren’t good at anything nor motivated nor social.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has copied:

Tonight I will make history, by turning off incognito mode.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has copied:

“I’m at the age where, if I use the wrong pillow at night, it hurts to turn my head the next day.”

Someone from 🇰🇳 has copied:

My running speed is very slow because the Discman wasn’t allowed to shake in the past.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has viewed:

Sorry I zoned out during your story… my brain was offering me multiple side quests and overthinking opportunities.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has bookmarked:

A really good magician could be living in your house and you would never know.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has bookmarked:

My mind not only wanders, sometimes it leaves completely!

Someone from 🇦🇸 has viewed:

How to write complaints: “Dear customer service, first of all, you should know that I am typing this with my middle finger.”

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via LinkedIn:

Teens be like, “I wanted to do that until you asked me to.”

Trending via YouTube:

Every frozen pizza is a canvas that needs an artist’s touch.

Making waves on Slack:

A quick shoutout to all of the sidewalks out there… Thanks for keeping me off the streets.

Live now on LinkedIn:

My doctor just diagnosed me with anxiety and constipation. Now I’m worried shitless.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

Your honor, my client wasn’t trying to stab the victim. He was checking to see if he was cake.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

“I’m either extremely productive or staring at the wall like I’m in a Victorian painting.”

Just landed via Telegram:

The goth urge to live in a haunted Victorian estate and be feared by the townspeople.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

If someone steals your joke, you have to file a LOLsuit.

Making waves on Telegram:

It’s like my therapist always says, that’ll be $175.

Spotted on Instagram:

If I could be in two places at once, I’d be in bed twice.

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