Trending Funny Quotes 👇

  • Disney set unrealistic standards of how often woodland creatures would help me clean and do laundry if I just sang out my window.
  • Egg nog was invented in Germany back in 1816 when Baron von Heldebrandt reportedly said “Hey guys, let’s get this custard drunk!”
  • There should be a good 10 hours in between waking up and having to interact with people.
  • It’s Sunday. I’ve slept in and ignored church. Somewhere the devil is sitting and clicking on “Like”.
  • I learn from the mistakes of people who took my advice.
  • The only thing longer than the opening ceremony of the Olympics is the opening ceremony of my eyes in the morning.