The 5 seconds in the morning, when I don’t yet know who I am, is the best time of the day.

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Boys are disgusting. Can’t believe I like these things.

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Vaping: When you feel like smoking but don’t want to look cool.

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If you’re curious what the priciest item in a store is just bring a kid along because they’ll definitely find then break it.

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Met a microbiologist once. They’re a lot bigger than I imagined.

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That awkward moment when you try something on in a shop but you don’t know if you can get it off again.

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Deleting tweets like a writer who burns his manuscripts.

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When a man gets married he has a moral obligation to scare his wife when he sneezes.

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Whoever said money can’t buy happiness simply didn’t know where to go shopping.

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The smaller the woman, the bigger the attitude. It’s science.

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Even on the coldest of days, there’s such peace found in the warm embrace of a hot pizza.