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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from πŸ‡ΉπŸ‡¬ has copied:

You’re so vain. You probably think me being in this tree outside your house is about you.

Someone from πŸ‡©πŸ‡― has copied:

You know what I never see anymore are those old alcoholics with the weird noses.

Someone from πŸ‡ΉπŸ‡» has shared:

All my favorite activities involve a mattress.

Someone from πŸ‡³πŸ‡΅ has viewed:

My nutritionist told me wine doesn’t count as a fruit source so now I need to find a different nutritionist.

Someone from πŸ‡ΊπŸ‡Έ has bookmarked:

The goal is never Gucci bags. It’s acres of land.

Someone from πŸ‡²πŸ‡³ has bookmarked:

I lied, I’m jealous. I hope every girl who looks at you gets clipped by a meteor.

Someone from πŸ‡¬πŸ‡¦ has bookmarked:

Getting older just means that you have to start eating all the sad foods.

Someone from πŸ‡¦πŸ‡² has copied:

Is this art or trash?

Someone from πŸ‡¨πŸ‡« has copied:

How you conduct yourself when using plastic wrap is the real you.

Someone from πŸ‡¨πŸ‡» has shared:

I just realized boobytrap backwards spells partyboob.

Funny Quotes Data πŸ€“

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,308

Social Media Log πŸ’«

Trending via YouTube:

I remember when Britain used to be so rich, you’d be embarrassed to go into a Lidl or Aldi.

Just landed via X:

My ex texted me saying, “Hey, I miss you,” so I replied, “Sorry, I have zero bars β€” the past doesn’t have good reception.”

Spotted on Messenger:

Accidentally clicked a post about UFOs, and now my Facebook algorithm thinks I’m a much different person.

Shared recently on Reddit:

Having a kid is so fun when you’re childish, like yeah, it’s my turn with the slime, boo.

Just shared via Discord:

Why would I get married when it’s a well-known fact that only 50% of all marriages end in divorce?

Seen just now on Reddit:

Sometimes, I feel like my brain is still running on Windows 95.

Just landed via Slack:

Don’t let anyone tell you, you can’t do something. Show them you can’t.

Shared recently on YouTube:

They should invent a β€œstay signed in” checkbox that isn’t meaningless.

Broadcasted on Telegram:

I may not understand women, but cheeseburgers have never sent me mixed signals, and for that they’ll always have my heart.

Seen just now on X:

If my TV’s so smart then why doesn’t it slap me when I turn on the news?

The 5 seconds in the morning, when I don’t yet know who I am, is the best time of the day.

Playful quote about morning confusion and self-discovery, celebrating humorous introspection.
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Commentary:
"Ah, the blissful 5 seconds of morning amnesia – when you can pretend to be anyone you want before reality hits πŸŒ…πŸ˜‚ Embrace the mystery and make the most of those fleeting moments of identity crisis!"

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Keep the laugh going πŸ˜‚

Trending Funny Quotes πŸ‘‡

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Social Media Stars ⭐

99 shares on Pinterest this month:

Sex so good, my left hand is making my right hand a sandwich.

69 shares on WeChat this month:

I want someone to look at me the way I look at a travel booking website.

53 shares on Facebook this month:

Bringing a fitted sheet to a knife fight.

20 shares on TikTok this month:

Why go to the art museum when I can just stare at you?

15 shares on X this month:

Her heart is a combination of wildflowers and wildfires, delicate, yet so fierce.

53 shares on LinkedIn this month:

If you scroll Twitter long enough, you too can burn calories by shaking your head.

10 shares on Instagram this month:

I concern myself with the opinions of sheep because they are cute.

99 shares on Threads this month:

Throwing “whereupon” into a few work emails today to keep it fun.

96 shares on WhatsApp this month:

If my neighbors would just talk a little louder I could follow along with their conversation, but no. Rude.

85 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Damn, how much daylight are they trying to save? It’s dark as hell.

Trending Topics πŸ“

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes πŸ’₯

16 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Girl math is avoiding shipping costs by buying more.

17 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Life is what happens in between trips to the fridge.

18 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Prison pen pal doesn’t want us to write each other anymore. Finds my life too depressing.

14 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

The folks who write fragrance commercials must be like β€œI had the weirdest dream, Imma put it on TV.”

9 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Hey! (with the intention of going back to sleep)

6 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

There are days when trying to control your class is like trying to hug a tornado.

24 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Life is just a series of obstacles preventing you from reading your book.

20 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Twitter is the only place you argue with CEOs and heads of states while sleeping in the kitchen.

17 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Just once I’d like to hear a doctor say, β€œYour guess is as good as mine.”

11 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

I finally got 8 hours of sleep. Took me four days, but whatever.

Funny Quotes Data πŸ€“

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,430

Activity Log ✨

Someone from πŸ‡²πŸ‡³ has copied:

No, you’re not a “prompt engineer,” you’re a sloperator.

Someone from πŸ‡²πŸ‡­ has bookmarked:

I woke up deciding to incorporate the parkour lifestyle into my daily life then reconsidered as I fell over again putting my jeans on.

Someone from πŸ‡¦πŸ‡΄ has shared:

I can’t believe Halloween was 10 pounds ago.

Someone from πŸ‡―πŸ‡΅ has bookmarked:

Are oranges called oranges because they are orange, or is the color orange called orange because an orange is orange?

Someone from πŸ‡»πŸ‡³ has shared:

Your pronouns should be get/help.

Someone from πŸ‡¬πŸ‡¦ has bookmarked:

AI could never steal company time the way I do.

Someone from πŸ‡§πŸ‡Ύ has viewed:

When the devil couldn’t reach me, he made my brain my biggest enemy.

Someone from πŸ‡·πŸ‡Έ has bookmarked:

I’m trying to shower you with affection. It doesn’t matter how I got into your bathroom.

Someone from πŸ‡ΈπŸ‡² has shared:

Caught the bouquet at the funeral.

Someone from πŸ‡²πŸ‡¦ has viewed:

Might mess around and reply to all work emails with “make me”.

Social Media Log πŸ’«

Breaking via Instagram:

Whoever first said, β€œI’m in a pickle,” must have had the weirdest day.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

Ever been in the car with someone who drives so fast that you press your imaginary brakes on the passenger side?

Going viral on Slack:

Dentist appointments are so weird. β€œHi, nice to meet you, could you root around in my mouth for a bit?”

Freshly posted on Threads:

I think more people would actually heal from their trauma if they got revenge.

Just landed via Telegram:

My favorite color is sunshine.

Live now on Reddit:

Do people with lip filler know that they look like that?

Just shared via Telegram:

What are some beginner pieces of information for somebody just getting into knowledge?

Seen just now on X:

My Indian name would be “Stares at Phone All Day.”

Trending via X:

My phone charger is lying in another room. HELP.

Going bananas on Facebook:

Hiring a mortician to do my makeup while I sleep.

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