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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇪 has downloaded:

A micromanager is someone you pay to watch your top talent walk away.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has viewed:

Where do I see myself in 5 years? I don’t even know where I am right now.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has viewed:

Sadly, I do my best proofreading after I hit “send.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has shared:

Just be good and kind to your children. Not only are they the future of the world, they’re the ones who can sign you into a home.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has downloaded:

Can anyone recommend some basic intrusive thoughts for someone looking to get into anxiety?

Someone from 🇳🇵 has downloaded:

McDonald’s is finally promoting good health by making their food unaffordable.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has shared:

Starting to think I’m single because of everyone else’s shortcomings.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has bookmarked:

After a vacation, I usually return to work with a fresh, reenergized hatred for my job.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has downloaded:

I’m never single for too long, you gotta catch me while you can.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has copied:

I’d be really slim if it wasn’t for birthdays, anniversaries, Easter, Christmas, Mother’s Day, weekends and me.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

831 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,993

Funny Quotes Topics

13,936

Funny Quotes Images

10,993

5 hours ago

3,430

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Snapchat:

Remember: The first step to recovery is addiction.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

Don’t ask me why, but the older you get, the more you love coffee.

Just shared via WeChat:

*Pointing at a mothers shrieking baby* Is this guy bothering you?

Reported on Messenger:

Need to clean the fridge, so I’m going to do the responsible thing and drink wine instead.

Just landed via Instagram:

No, I won’t be attending your seance, I barely want to talk to the living.

Going viral on Messenger:

I was born to be wild, but only until around 9pm or so.

Just landed via X:

I handed in my exam blank so that the teacher has more time to celebrate Christmas with her family.

Just landed via YouTube:

Dear LOL, thanks for being there when I have nothing else to say.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

Please no more relationships that are supposed to be a lesson. I’m already quite the scholar.

Spotted on Threads:

By the time I meet the right person, I’ll probably be the wrong person.

The adult version of “head, shoulders, knees and toes” is “wallet, glasses, keys and phone.”

6 months ago

The adult version of “head, shoulders, knees and toes” is “wallet, glasses, keys and phone.”

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Commentary:
Ah, the adult version of the classic tune – "wallet, glasses, keys and phone" – where forgetfulness meets responsibility in a not-so-catchy melody! 🎶🤓🔑📱 It's the new jam for grown-ups everywhere, making sure we're always prepared and slightly disorganized at the same time. 😅 #AdultingInStyle

adult, daily, daily life, glasses, head, humor, keys, knees, life, phone, priorities, responsibility, version, wallet

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

831 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,993

Funny Quotes Topics

13,936

Funny Quotes Images

10,993

5 hours ago

3,448

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇯 has bookmarked:

If I was lying down and someone came up and gave me tons of kisses and smooshed my face, I’d love it. I don’t know what my cat’s problem is.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has copied:

If hot showers aren’t good for you then why do I emerge from them bright red like a beautiful ruby?

Someone from 🇱🇮 has bookmarked:

Jury duty is a wild concept. Whenever the government wants, they can just be like “Call off work, bestie, we need you to solve a murder. Here’s fifteen dollars.”

Someone from 🇨🇩 has downloaded:

The real advantage of being self-employed is that you don’t have to go to a Christmas party.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has shared:

Due to personal reasons, I’ve decided to become your problem.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has bookmarked:

Marriages are like pancakes. Sometimes you gotta throw the first one out.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has shared:

I’d never pick the lesser of two evils because that means they’re not even good at being evil either.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has copied:

Learn from the mistakes of others, you can never live long enough to make them all yourself.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has downloaded:

Flossed the day before a dentist appointment like I was cramming for a history test.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has copied:

Gaslighting myself into thinking I’m in a good mood.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on TikTok:

The easiest way to bundle your home and auto insurance is to live in your car.

Shared recently on Reddit:

All right everyone, line up alphabetically according to your height.

Going viral on Discord:

I’m sorry I don’t take orders. I barely take suggestions.

Spotted on Twitch:

Got the zoomies at work, and now HR is chasing me around with a butterfly net.

Going viral on WeChat:

Whenever a study shows excessive screen time causes brain damage I’m like “yeah, me know”.

Reported on Discord:

I don’t push people away, I just do the Macarena.

Seen just now on X:

You never know how strong you are until someone’s story runs more than 5 minutes long.

Broadcasted on Telegram:

Whoever was the first to shorten “Richard” down to “Dick” must have really hated that guy.

Freshly posted on Threads:

Worst part about not buying snacks so you won’t eat snacks is not having snacks when you need a lil snack.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

Everybody has a girlfriend and a boyfriend, and I’m over here like “I love food”.

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