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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇫🇷 has shared:

Men’s jeans have bigger pockets to help them carry all their audacity.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has viewed:

My ex thinks I’m with someone else, someone else thinks I’m with my ex, everyone wonders where I am. Here I am. Just enjoying my own life.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has bookmarked:

I’m not always a couch potato. For instance, right now I’m a chair potato, and later I’ll be a bed potato.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has bookmarked:

I’ve been commissioned to kiss you on the lips. I need to get this done by tonight.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has shared:

Technology has really helped me waste my time efficiently.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has downloaded:

Unless it’s manic, I don’t want to hear about your Monday.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has bookmarked:

Who called them cat allergies and not meowlergies?

Someone from 🇲🇼 has bookmarked:

You ever notice how fans of the worst music always focus on the meanings of the songs instead of the actual music?

Someone from 🇩🇿 has viewed:

When the grocery store moves the aisles around, you should be able to call the cops.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has copied:

Have you noticed? When the relationship is new, the guy is never busy.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

427 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,696

Funny Quotes Topics

17,713

Funny Quotes Images

15,696

Jan 13, 2026

3,404

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Facebook:

For your own sanity, always take mixed signals as a no.

Going bananas on Instagram:

Being friends with introverts is hard sometimes. Did they die? Are they just recharging? Are they Batman now? The suspense is killing me.

Seen just now on Reddit:

A good rule to remember for life is that when it comes to plastic surgery and sushi, never be attracted by a bargain.

Seen just now on TikTok:

Spotify Wrapped isn’t enough, I want an Excel spreadsheet of my listening habits.

Spreading quickly via TikTok:

Bought an eggplant, imma grow my own eggs.

Just landed via Twitch:

I’ve never seen a Cybertruck with anyone in the passenger seat.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

Apple want $3,500 for their Vision Pro. No thanks. I can look like a dork for free.

Trending via YouTube:

Sometimes I don’t worry about things at all and other times I am awake.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

I’m sorry I lied to you. I only did it for material gain. And to cause you psychological harm. And to prove I’m smarter than you.

Trending via Pinterest:

They should make the last foot of dental floss red so you know when you’re about to run out.

The adult version of “head, shoulders, knees and toes” is “wallet, glasses, keys and phone.”

2 months ago

The adult version of “head, shoulders, knees and toes” is “wallet, glasses, keys and phone.”

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Ah, the adult version of the classic tune – "wallet, glasses, keys and phone" – where forgetfulness meets responsibility in a not-so-catchy melody! 🎶🤓🔑📱 It's the new jam for grown-ups everywhere, making sure we're always prepared and slightly disorganized at the same time. 😅 #AdultingInStyle

adult, daily, daily life, glasses, head, humor, keys, knees, life, phone, priorities, responsibility, version, wallet

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Gentle parenting is making sure your kids can’t hear what you say when you’re peeling a mango.

2 months ago

activity, family, gentle, gentle parenting, hear, humor, kids, kids activity, making, mango, parenting, parenting humor, peeling, say, sure
Last night’s dream could have been an email.

6 months ago

communication, dream, email, humor, last, night, nights, sleep, technology
Everyone you know is fighting battles you don’t know about, except for my neighbor who just can not shut up about his battles.

2 months ago

awareness, battle, battles, communication, everyone, except, fighting, humor, just, know, neighbor, shut, silence, struggles, talking
We can do things two ways. My way or the right way.

2 months ago

choice, decision, funny quip, humor, quip, right, right way, suggestion, things, ways
Went on a date with a guy who didn’t ask me any questions about myself, so it’s on him when he finds out about my husband.

2 months ago

ask, awkward, awkward moment, conversation, date, dating, finds, guy, humor, husband, irony, me, moment, myself, questions, relationship
Eating healthy requires a second job.

2 months ago

diet, eating, healthy, healthy eating, humor, job, lifestyle, money, second, work

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

52 shares on Messenger this month:

Toddlers: the brutally honest roommates nobody asked for!

19 shares on Instagram this month:

We got our carpet cleaned today, so I’m just waiting for the dog to throw up.

94 shares on Pinterest this month:

What substance do I have to abuse to stop yearning?

49 shares on Discord this month:

The sole purpose of your child’s middle name… is so they know when they’re really in trouble.

67 shares on Twitch this month:

Nobody told me that when you get a husband the ears are sold separately.

78 shares on TikTok this month:

Let me help you turn that software into hardware.

51 shares on TikTok this month:

Going to have a hobbit boi summer (throw a huge birthday party for myself, then mysteriously vanish right after insulting everyone).

99 shares on YouTube this month:

Is it cool if I come into your life and just never leave, like a stray cat?

21 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I’m so high at Home Depot right now, and I have to ask where the hose at. And I know I’mma laugh when I do.

43 shares on LinkedIn this month:

You have to stay up as needlessly late as possible to make the next day as horrible and hard as possible.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

13 folks are currently checking 👀

“Why would I lie to you?” I don’t know, maybe because you’re a liar.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

I want Wolverine claws. Not for violence or anything. I want them for easing my way through reality. Like opening an Amazon package.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

I wonder how long you could drive in a roundabout before a cop would be like, hey, you can’t do that anymore.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

In a parallel universe, there’s a happy me.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

On average, my daily actions demonstrate I’m probably good at something else.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

I miss the good ol’ days until I remember things like having to get out of my chair and smack the TV to get a clearer picture.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

A DM? Flirt on the timeline like a real man.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m always best at the things I shouldn’t do.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

You know the trouble with real life? There’s no danger music.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Are you my appendix? Cause you seem kind of useless to me.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

427 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,696

Funny Quotes Topics

17,713

Funny Quotes Images

15,696

Updated

Jan 13, 2026

Users Online

3,527

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇪🇪 has downloaded:

There are a 100 billions nerves in the human body, and there are people who have the ability to irritate all of them.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has downloaded:

Pronouncing hyperbole like guacamole.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has bookmarked:

Coworkers are funny. You could see a guy every day for 5 years then he quits and you never see or even think about him again.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has copied:

We seriously need to bring back courting. What the hell is ‘wyd tonight?’ Arrive on a horse and bring flowers like a man.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has downloaded:

I will always be hotter than everyone who hates me.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has downloaded:

Today I learned that up to half of the worker ants in a colony are only pretending to work, just looking busy so they don’t get tasked with anything. I respect ants so much more.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has shared:

Welcome to adulthood: you’re always sleepy unless you’re trying to get to sleep.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has viewed:

I be skipping everyone’s stories but watch mine like 20 times.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has shared:

Cataclysmic events, such as your fingers on my skin.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has viewed:

If reports from this daisy are accurate, she loves me not.

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on Snapchat:

I’m so lucky people can’t hear what I’m thinking.

Making waves on Snapchat:

If you have a Roomba, but don’t dress it up in little outfits, then what are you even doing?

Going viral on Pinterest:

I wonder if babies know that we are more terrified of them than they are of us.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

I just found out it takes 5 sheep to make one wool sweater. I didn’t even know they knew how to knit.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

I bet the guy who named the sperm whale wasn’t allowed to name things anymore after that.

Breaking via YouTube:

I hate it when I turn on the car in the morning and the music starts blasting… It’s like, woah, I’m not the same person I was last night.

Spreading quickly via Slack:

I’m multitasking: I can listen, ignore and forget at the same time.

Seen just now on Facebook:

You never forget your first kiss. Or your first meeting with HR.

Trending via Snapchat:

The enemy of my enemy is my friend. But I’m my own worst enemy, so I guess I’m also my best friend.

Spreading quickly via WeChat:

Washing your face and water going down your elbow is so sickening.

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