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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇪 has copied:

Girls be like, “I know a spot,” then sacrifice you under the full moon.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has viewed:

I just paid my taxes. The roads should be fixed any day now.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has viewed:

The cashier said, “Have a good day,” but she doesn’t mean it.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has downloaded:

With great power comes a great electricity bill.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has bookmarked:

I don’t want to alarm anyone, but my doctor says I have an irreversible terminal condition called aging.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has copied:

Remember when you were a kid, you slept on the couch and without saying anything you found yourself in your bed. Now you sleep in your bed and if you say anything, you end up on the couch.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has shared:

Instead of writing letters, let’s wait a week before texting each other back so it still feels like it.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has bookmarked:

Your future doctor is using ChatGPT to pass med school so you better start eating healthy.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has bookmarked:

I’m always happy when I come home from shopping and the note on the table reminds me of what I wanted to buy.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has downloaded:

Don’t talk to me unless you are a ham sandwich.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

766 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,928

Funny Quotes Topics

13,900

Funny Quotes Images

10,928

42 minutes ago

3,441

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via WhatsApp:

I love my bodyguard. I would take a bullet for him.

Spotted on TikTok:

Slowly descending into madness. Anyone want anything?

Seen just now on TikTok:

I replaced my old flat pillow that hurt my neck with a new fat fluffy pillow that hurts my neck.

Seen just now on Reddit:

Adulting is when you realize that all you need is a home, stable income and a peaceful partner.

Just landed via Discord:

My favorite part of Spring is its rolls.

Spotted on Discord:

If you’re not in my circle of trust, you’re probably in my triangle of suspicion or rhombus of doubt.

Seen just now on Telegram:

When I die, throw me on Mount Everest so it looks like I was trying to do something.

Shared recently on Threads:

You think you’re raising your kids right, and then one of them decides to be a fan of your football team’s arch rival.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

Men be like “I would do anything for you” and then do nothing.

Shared recently on Reddit:

You think you’ve seen gold diggers, until you see a male friend group where only one of them made it.

The concept of warding off vampires with crosses is so interesting to me. I wonder if it applies to any other religion or if they’re allergic to just Catholicism.

6 months ago

The concept of warding off vampires with crosses is so interesting to me. I wonder if it applies to any other religion or if they’re allergic to just Catholicism.

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Commentary:
Haha, it's like vampires have some serious beef with Catholics and their holy accessories! Maybe they break out in hives at the sight of a menorah or sneeze uncontrollably near a crescent moon 🧛‍♂️🧛‍♀️🧷🔯🌙 Just imagine a vampire fleeing in terror from a bunch of garlic-infused mugs at a Hindu temple 😂🧄🕉️ Just another day

allergy, Catholicism, concept, crosses, humor, i, interesting, just, me, religion, vampires, wonder

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

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Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

766 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,928

Funny Quotes Topics

13,900

Funny Quotes Images

10,928

42 minutes ago

3,423

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇿 has copied:

Every retail employee should get to hit one customer a year and there is no way for customers to tell if they’ve used it yet.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has downloaded:

I’m forced to conclude that not liking my posts is a you problem.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has viewed:

I’ll marry the person who can go to a family event with me and still like me afterward.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has viewed:

Who called it an undertaker and not a host mortem?

Someone from 🇱🇸 has downloaded:

I have friends in high places (birds).

Someone from 🇧🇪 has viewed:

Sometimes I read a text and think, “What a psycho.” And then I press send.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has shared:

We need a true crime show called Downtown Stabby.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has viewed:

I would only enjoy the Met Gala if at the end of that runway they all walked into a volcano.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has downloaded:

The longer I stay home, the more homeless I look.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has bookmarked:

When the doorbell rings, I always go to the door with my jacket on. Depending on who it is, I either just want to leave or have just come home.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on X:

Relationship status: my last pickpocket had really gentle hands.

Just shared via Threads:

Sorry I’m late. The door said PULL, but I don’t believe everything I read.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

Love it when you say or do some common sense thing and the other person has “file not found” written all over their face.

Just shared via Reddit:

Extrovert self made too many plans and now introvert self is pissed.

Just landed via TikTok:

The concept of a courtroom sketch artist is so funny to me. Here’s our little murder doodler.

Going viral on Discord:

Not to brag, but I can trip over things that aren’t even there!

Trending via Pinterest:

The hairdresser asking me what special plans I have for the day like this wasn’t it.

Trending via Instagram:

You look like you can go as yourself for Halloween.

Going viral on X:

Live, laugh, lie to the doctor about how many drinks you have per week.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

Seen an ambulance at the hospital. I hope the doctors are okay.

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