Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇼 has shared:

When I worked as a restaurant critic, I wrote under a nom nom nom de plume.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has downloaded:

Not to brag, but I’m on hold and my call is important to them.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has bookmarked:

All my favorite activities involve a mattress.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has downloaded:

I wish my wife’s sighs came with subtitles.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has shared:

Doesn’t matter if the chicken or the egg came first. Still a weird thing to just appear.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has copied:

On a scale of quack to quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack, what do you think of my duck-based numbering system?

Someone from 🇧🇫 has shared:

Watching Unsolved Mysteries and getting mad when they don’t solve the mystery at the end.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has downloaded:

A long time ago, being crazy meant something. Nowadays, everybody is crazy.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has viewed:

You can’t keep running away from your problems, you’re getting older and your kids are getting faster.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has bookmarked:

They probably killed the first few people whose eyes turned red in a photograph before they realized it wasn’t any demon stuff.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

21 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,290

Funny Quotes Topics

17,410

Funny Quotes Images

15,290

Jan 2, 2026

3,508

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on Instagram:

Asking the pharmacy if they have a secret menu.

Making waves on Telegram:

My kids will never appreciate the amount of extroverting the introvert me does for them.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

They should invent a day where I don’t wonder why.

Spreading quickly via X:

Pretty sure they’re naming prescription drugs by just grabbing random Scrabble tiles. “Oh hey, Qdilrox sounds good.”

Just shared via Snapchat:

I’m multitasking: I can listen, ignore and forget at the same time.

Spotted on WeChat:

Thinking of telling my extra weight that I love it so that it can leave me too.

Spotted on Telegram:

Does anyone know the password to my work computer? Or how to do my job?

Live now on Threads:

When God closes a door, he opens a window. Unfortunately, we are in a submarine.

Spotted on Twitch:

If you have nothing nice to say, I promise you that I’ll have something even worse to say back.

Breaking via Instagram:

Your soulmate wouldn’t do you like that, by the way.

The eyes are the windows to the soul. A mustache is the front garden, and the mouth is that big pothole the council should do something about.

2 months ago

0

The eyes are the windows to the soul. A mustache is the front garden, and the mouth is that big pothole the council should do something about.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Ah, the eyes shining bright like glittering windows to the soul 💫… but oh my! That robust mustache proclaiming 'welcome to the front garden' 🌳… and that big pothole of a mouth crying out for some city council intervention 🚧! A charming mix of character traits indeed! 😄"

big, council, eyes, front, garden, humor, mouth, mustache, pothole, should, something, soul, Windows

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Whoever said “team work makes the dream work” needs to explain that to my many personalities.

0

2 months ago

collaboration, dream, dream work, explain, humor, individuality, joking, needs, personality, self, team, team work, work
My playlist so bipolar. We either in love, depressed, or gang members.

0

2 months ago

bipolar, depression, emotions, gang, love, music, playlist
If you’re reading this, drink some water. You’re not a cactus.

0

3 months ago

cactus, drink, drink water, health, hydration, reading, reminder, water
Cute how I complain that my kids are spoiled when I’m the one who spoils them.

0

3 weeks ago

complain, cute, humor, i, irony, kid, kids, parent, spoil, spoiled
I used to love going out with people. Now I weigh the pros and cons of human interaction, like it’s a business decision.

0

5 months ago

business, business decision, cons, decision, decision making, going, human, human interaction, humor, i, interaction, introversion, love, making, people, pros, pros and cons, socializing, used, weigh
It’s amazing how cats can ignore you with both ears.

0

2 months ago

amazing, attitude, both, cat, cats, ears, humor, ignore, ignoring, pet

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

93 shares on X this month:

Putting my Christmas tree up today. Big day for my cats.

84 shares on Pinterest this month:

I’m not well rested. Sleeping Beauty was well rested.

51 shares on Snapchat this month:

I read classics because my FOMO is making me want to understand every reference ever.

75 shares on WhatsApp this month:

My love language is being sent money.

34 shares on WhatsApp this month:

If the office is always a little cold, you might be working for the lizard people.

48 shares on Instagram this month:

My chess strategy is eating one of your pieces every time you look away.

75 shares on Slack this month:

Remember when the most annoying thing about Twitter was trying to think of a shorter word.

41 shares on Instagram this month:

The word synergy sounds like a mix of the words sin and energy. Like, to be debauched but to do it with flair and zest.

64 shares on Telegram this month:

I hope we get the nice AI that enslaves us and makes us their pets and not the bad AI that enslaves us to mine lithium or something.

12 shares on X this month:

Relationships are actually easy when you’re not dating a lying weirdo.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

11 folks are currently checking 👀

The note on this boxed wine says ‘Fresh up to 6 weeks after opening’. 6 weeks. Lol.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

In America we have marijuana. In France they have oui’d.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

It’s crazy I need a certificate to prove I was born when you can literally just look at me.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

I love how this generation broke the previous misconception that “people with tattoos can’t get good jobs” and now we all agree that “people with and without tattoos can’t get good jobs”.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m not just a pretty face, I’m also a massive disappointment to my family.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

I need a horror movie where a kidnapper abducts a possessed child and finds out.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

If you’re looking for a quiet place to talk to yourself, my DMs are open.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

If politicians can text my cell phone asking for money, I should be able to text them directly with policy suggestions.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Pepsi & Coca-Cola can’t even be in the same restaurant… and we want world peace.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Noise cancelling headphones but for when the noises are coming from inside your head.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

21 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,290

Funny Quotes Topics

17,410

Funny Quotes Images

15,290

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,383

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇰 has viewed:

Sorry for zoning out, bro. It’s just, I’ve been having a bad day for several years.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has viewed:

I often got called “an old soul” and such like by adults when I was a child. I think this was a kind way of saying I was a sad little freak.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has copied:

Boys say that girls are dramatic, but have you ever plucked a man’s eyebrow? They act like they’ve been shot.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has bookmarked:

Are there cheat codes for parenting teenagers? This level is really hard.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has viewed:

I had a million opportunities to waste money this year, and I took them all. In fact, even when there wasn’t an opportunity, I created one.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has downloaded:

You should be allowed to go home early from work if you miss your dog a lot.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has copied:

Please have a seat and witness my self-destruction firsthand.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has copied:

You gotta wonder why they just don’t make all bread garlic bread.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has downloaded:

No matter how much Polynesian food you eat, you always want Samoa.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has viewed:

Attempted to exercise this morning. Didn’t work out.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on YouTube:

Dating apps? No thanks, if I wanted to talk to someone for hours and accomplish nothing, I’d contact tech support.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

Workplace Wrapped: you had 60k minutes of meetings this year that could’ve been an email.

Going viral on Slack:

I’d post more pics, but I don’t want y’all falling in love all at once.

Going viral on Instagram:

As a kid, I was worried about randomly disappearing into the Bermuda Triangle forever. As an adult, I’m wondering how I can actually make that happen.

Going viral on Instagram:

Cops wake up Christmas morning excited as hell to ignore their family and go sit on the highway with a radar gun for 10 hours.

Spotted on Discord:

Dollar Tree need to just go ahead and change the name to Tree of Unexpected Prices.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

Of all the things to lose why couldn’t it have been my appetite and not my mind.

Just shared via Threads:

Due to personal reasons, I will be screaming into a pillow.

Just landed via X:

The sweet spot is just enough pain to know you’re alive, but not quite enough to wish you were dead.

Spotted on X:

Do married people watch Gen Z dating and feel like they caught the last chopper out of Nam?

© 2025. All rights reserved.

Made with ❤️ in Sydney ☀️🌴