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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇧 has bookmarked:

I like to swear a lot so that people will keep their kids away from me.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has downloaded:

If you have an old house, but you haven’t got a ghost, you should complain to the estate agent.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has bookmarked:

My husband pissed me off so I wrapped his remote and put it under the tree.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has bookmarked:

Mental state: just googled “When will the sun explode.”

Someone from 🇲🇨 has copied:

Yeah, I have a drinking problem. It’s called dehydration.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has shared:

You get your hands on a real serious pair of scissors and wonder what the hell they were doing with the regular ones.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has copied:

This Monday is Mondaying like it’s never Mondayed before.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has shared:

Jesus died for your sins. If you don’t sin then he died for nothing!

Someone from 🇵🇾 has viewed:

“I’m sure it’ll turn up” – Translation: I’m bored of helping you look.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has downloaded:

I’ve decided to become an organ donor. When I die, I want an elephant to get a new trunk.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,284

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on TikTok:

Honestly, I don’t even play an active role in my life any more. Things just happen and I’m like “I guess this is what we’re doing now.”

Trending via LinkedIn:

The word abbreviation sure is long for what it means.

Making waves on Facebook:

Chores give kids a sense of responsibility while teaching relevant life skills such as procrastination.

Freshly posted on Slack:

I have officially reached the age where I am bothered by lights being on, doors left open, loud noises, and people.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

One day you’re young and carefree and the next you sneeze too hard and hurt your neck.

Spreading quickly via Reddit:

I never argue, I just explain why I’m right.

Trending via Facebook:

Sneaking up behind people and marrying them.

Spreading quickly via Facebook:

A wise man once said: “Yes, darling. You’re right.”

Breaking via Snapchat:

Honey, get in the car. We have to go to the store because we’re retarded, and it’s Christmas Eve.

Trending via Messenger:

I dreamt this night that I had died and when I woke up, a piece of me was actually already stiff.

The fun thing about Airbnb is that you get to clean someone else’s house on your vacation.

Witty quote about vacation chores, highlighting humor in Airbnb's cleaning twist.
Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Ah, the joy of living the dream; scrubbing toilets instead of sipping cocktails by the beach 🧼🏠🍹 Who needs a spa day when you can have an Airbnb adventure? 💁‍♂️💅 #VacationGoals"

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Keep the laugh going 😂

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Social Media Stars ⭐

78 shares on Snapchat this month:

I’ve been ghosted enough to add paranormal investigator to my resume.

39 shares on Threads this month:

Summer is the time when it’s too hot to do what it was too cold to do in winter.

65 shares on Slack this month:

Tidying up usually ends up with you sitting somewhere and playing around with things you found while tidying up.

34 shares on Telegram this month:

Smart people are like huskies. If you don’t give them an interesting problem, they become an interesting problem.

73 shares on Pinterest this month:

I miss getting my misinformation from less places.

99 shares on Facebook this month:

The agony of thinking you’re finished doing the dishes, only to turn around and, to your horror, the pot.

96 shares on Discord this month:

Doing all of this just to die in the end! LMAO!

53 shares on YouTube this month:

Y’all shivering in this cold cause them Shein jackets made outta paper towels.

74 shares on Messenger this month:

Wanted to report a YouTube video, but there is no option for “Cringe”, so I just picked “Terrorism”.

28 shares on Messenger this month:

I’m often mistaken for an adult because of my age.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Technically mixed martial arts can include tickle fighting.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

90% of the things I worry about never happen. Worrying works.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Quitting my job to pursue my true passion: not having a job.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Never say never. Unless someone asks you when you want to go camping. Then the right answer is always “Never.”

20 folks are currently checking 👀

A beaver is an otter that has studied architecture.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

When I get to work, I always hide first, because a good worker is always hard to find.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Ask a man what a good woman is, and watch him describe a slave.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

I just sneezed next to my computer and the anti-virus popped up.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Y’all ever postpone an outfit? Like, nah, let me save this for a better day? Same.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

When life gives you lemons, squirt someone in the eye.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,299

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇹 has bookmarked:

Apologies for the delays. The suitcase smashing machine has broken down, so we’re having to smash suitcases by hand.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has bookmarked:

It’s been my experience that people seem a lot nicer before we get married.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has copied:

There’s a weird kind of grief that comes with late August, and I can’t explain it.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has viewed:

Why is it cute when a baby falls asleep clutching a bottle. Yet, when I do it, it’s “concerning”?

Someone from 🇦🇩 has copied:

Why do men stay in the car for minutes after arriving home?

Someone from 🇹🇻 has copied:

When society eventually breaks down and we are left to rebuild civilization, I hope there are people who still know how to make cheese.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has bookmarked:

Every day, I’m gaslit into oblivion by beautiful women, and then I go to sleep.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has downloaded:

I remember when the only in-flight movie choices were either you watched or you didn’t.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has bookmarked:

Social media needs to crash for like a year so society can recalibrate.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has copied:

Tequila won’t fix your life, but it’s worth a shot.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Facebook:

Is stir-fry the only dish where the instructions are in the name?

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

The human body is incredible. It’s like, “Oh, you’re stressed and sad? Here, enjoy this acne.”

Shared recently on Facebook:

I may forget what I opened the fridge for but I remember every time anyone has ever wronged me.

Just landed via WeChat:

My favorite emails are the ones that say your order has shipped.

Seen just now on Instagram:

An electric car is just another electric chair.

Spreading quickly via Telegram:

“Lmao” has survived and even thrived over the years, but its cousin “rofl” has faded into indignity. The cruelty of fate.

Trending via YouTube:

Ever since I began sharing dad jokes, my followers have doubled in sighs.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

For me, math class is like watching a foreign movie without subtitles.

Going viral on Twitch:

The secret to a clean home? Never let your husband or children in.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

All quiet on the frontal lobe.

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