The idiot’s diet is just biting your tongue.

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Thanks for your email! Unfortunately, I have filled my pockets with stones and am making my way to the sea.

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Everyone’s “the nicest guy ever” until the cops are in their backyard digging up several bodies.

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No, I’m not stressed. I just constantly grind my teeth and clench my jaw for fun.

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I autograph every hotel Bible I find with “Best wishes, JC”.

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Goodnight to the men who know one woman is enough. The rest can die.

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This gratitude journal looks a lot like a grocery list.

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The day they handed out patience, I left because it was taking too long.