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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log โœจ

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฉ๐Ÿ‡ฏ has shared:

The ideal man is always thinking of several cool things at once (throwing a football really far, a truck with big wheels, giving a lot of high fives).

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡จ๐Ÿ‡ท has viewed:

Venn diagrams. You either love โ€˜em or you hate โ€˜em. Or youโ€™re somewhere in the middle.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ง๐Ÿ‡น has shared:

I keep forgetting iโ€™m at the age where people will tell me theyโ€™re pregnant and my reaction is supposed to be positive.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡น๐Ÿ‡ฑ has copied:

Hey, you wanna come to a wedding with me? You could be the groom.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡น๐Ÿ‡ฟ has bookmarked:

My kids will never appreciate the amount of extroverting the introvert me does for them.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ธ๐Ÿ‡ฆ has copied:

Shorts should be half the price of pants.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฑ๐Ÿ‡ง has bookmarked:

I hate liars, but what I hate more is when they think Iโ€™m an idiot and wonโ€™t find out the truth.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ช๐Ÿ‡น has viewed:

I wonder how long you could drive in a roundabout before a cop would be like, hey, you can’t do that anymore.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฐ๐Ÿ‡ท has copied:

Donโ€™t be fooled by what your kids will eat at someone elseโ€™s house.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฆ๐Ÿ‡ด has shared:

“In a galaxy far, far away” is starting to sound quite enticing.

Funny Quotes Data ๐Ÿค“

New Funny Quotes

296 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,565

Funny Quotes Topics

17,623

Funny Quotes Images

15,565

Updated

Jan 11, 2026

Users Online

3,269

Social Media Log ๐Ÿ’ซ

Just shared via Instagram:

I like my women like I like my glasses: thick, transparent, and uneven.

Breaking via Reddit:

I enjoy long walks up and down my stairs trying to remember what I was supposed to be doing.

Seen just now on X:

America is like that TV show that’s been on for too long, and the writers don’t know what to do, so they just make anything happen.

Making waves on Reddit:

I wish I could put an AirTag on my sanity.

Live now on WhatsApp:

Dating is just wondering why someone is single and then slowly figuring it out.

Trending via TikTok:

Haggis – the meal you have to stomach twice.

Broadcasted on Snapchat:

Lazy is such an ugly word. I prefer the term selective participation.

Trending via Telegram:

I’m the kind of introvert who dodges phone calls but sends paragraphs in texts.

Going viral on Threads:

Dating is the process of meeting someone until you find out what’s wrong with them.

Live now on Slack:

Doggystyle, so we can both look at the river.

The main problem is that far too many people have far too easy access to podcast equipment.

The main problem is that far too many people have far too easy access to podcast equipment.
Download image โ†“

Commentary:
Looks like there's a podcast microphone in one hand and a questionable opinion in the other ๐ŸŽ™๏ธ๐Ÿ™ˆ Who knew that an abundance of podcast gear would lead to a surplus of hot takes? ๐Ÿ”ฅ Maybe it's time for a mandatory filter for those recording booths! ๐Ÿค”๐ŸŽง #PodcastPandemonium

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Welcome to Wordgag! ๐Ÿ˜‰โœŒ๏ธ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ’ฅ

Social Media Stars โญ

49 shares on Instagram this month:

Going to a concert with a tomato in each hand just to make the band nervous.

81 shares on Instagram this month:

I need to find hobbies that don’t include my debit card.

59 shares on Telegram this month:

The point of life is going to a good restaurant and getting two cocktails with dinner. Thatโ€™s it.

21 shares on Slack this month:

I don’t need anger management, you just need to stop making me angry!

51 shares on Twitch this month:

Anyone know which wine pairs well with societal collapse?

58 shares on Snapchat this month:

If people continue to behave so badly, I will donate my organs to an animal shelter.

36 shares on X this month:

When someone loses something, I like to ask helpful questions like ‘Where did you last see it?’ and ‘Where did you put it?’ and ‘Where is it?’

32 shares on Reddit this month:

The first five days after the weekend are always the hardest.

67 shares on Snapchat this month:

What we need is more companies making hot sauce. I need 900 more ways to taste a thing that tastes exactly like all the other ones.

19 shares on X this month:

Having a crush on a girl makes you think things like, yes, let me make more money.

Trending Topics ๐Ÿ“

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes ๐Ÿ’ฅ

14 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

Avocado toast at a cafe: $10. Avocado toast from Uber Eats: $25. Avocado toast made at home: $550 (my labor is worth $115 a minute).

14 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

I donโ€™t drink coffee all the time. I take breaks in between to make another one.

5 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

My last husbandโ€™s name is Don. I just added an E to it and walked away.

7 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

Opening this app is like lighting a cigarette.

13 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

Referring to normal shoes as non-bowling shoes.

18 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

I was dropped as an adult.

15 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

What a time to be alive, it’s like the collapse of Rome, but with memes.

11 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

I grew up in a kinder, gentler age. We pitied our fools.

7 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

Maybe this is the Windows software update that changes everything for me.

6 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

If you ever think English is not a weird language just remember that read and lead rhyme and read and lead rhyme. But read and lead don’t rhyme, and neither do read and lead.

Funny Quotes Data ๐Ÿค“

New Funny Quotes

296 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,565

Funny Quotes Topics

17,623

Funny Quotes Images

15,565

Updated

Jan 11, 2026

Users Online

3,711

Activity Log โœจ

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฉ๐Ÿ‡ฏ has copied:

No, I am not refreshed from my long weekend. I was reminded that I am not meant to work, but I am trapped in The Machine.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡น๐Ÿ‡ฌ has bookmarked:

Monday: The only day when you can wear the same outfit from the day before without anyone noticing.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ง๐Ÿ‡น has bookmarked:

Flying bugs can basically go anywhere they want, but still choose to fly right into your face.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡บ๐Ÿ‡ฟ has copied:

I prefer my weighted blanket in human form.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡น๐Ÿ‡ท has bookmarked:

I swear every time I look up from my phone, it’s a different holiday.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฒ๐Ÿ‡ช has shared:

Dating these days is like trusting a crackhead to come back with your change.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ธ๐Ÿ‡ฒ has downloaded:

Hmm, that’s a bit too harsh. Let me put “lol” at the end of it.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฌ๐Ÿ‡ช has downloaded:

I’m so jealous of people who know how to shut up. I shut up, and subtitles come out my face.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ต๐Ÿ‡ฆ has copied:

My toxic trait is that I give my friends mental health advice when I belong in an asylum.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฒ๐Ÿ‡ฌ has shared:

Dating again after you break up with a long-term partner is like dying in a video game and ending up back at the start to do it all again, except with less health.

Social Media Log ๐Ÿ’ซ

Going viral on Threads:

Laxatives help you live up to your full pooptential.

Spreading quickly via Pinterest:

Just got hired at Five Guys as the guy who punches the burger before they put it in the bag.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

Let’s just call ourselves divorced now and skip the stressful, expensive bit in the middle.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

Fake laughing with customers is actually a job skill.

Freshly posted on Threads:

Life is so boring when you don’t have a package on the way.

Making waves on WeChat:

I hate overhead lighting – trying to mimic the holy sun should be considered sinful. The lamp is much better, mimicking the hearths of our forebears.

Live now on WhatsApp:

When they make a Hate Island, somebody link me.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

โ€œYou never reply to messages.โ€ I am just one person, okay? I am understaffed.

Seen just now on Instagram:

When Iโ€™m not posting or returning messages, just know that Iโ€™m probably out doing superhero shit.

Seen just now on Threads:

No amount of daylight can save us.

ยฉ 2026. All rights reserved.

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