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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇯 has viewed:

I’m a strong, independent woman, but like, against my will.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has viewed:

I tried a onesome before, but I started catching feelings.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has downloaded:

If trees offered Wi-Fi, we would plant more of them. Too bad they only produce this oxygen thing.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has copied:

If you can’t handle me at my weirdest, then leave, because it gets weirder.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has shared:

I just found out it takes 5 sheep to make one wool sweater. I didn’t even know they knew how to knit.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has shared:

Caught my husband staring at me again. He’s probably weighing his pros and cons.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has shared:

Being a sleepy girl with a busy life is so hard.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has bookmarked:

The weather forecast should include the percentage of answers blowing in the wind.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has viewed:

I’ve spent 80% of my adult life resetting my password.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has bookmarked:

Getting an extra 20 minutes in the day when someone cancels a meeting is like finding a penny on the ground. Not gonna use it for anything, but wow, am I excited.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,369

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via LinkedIn:

The other day, I got the crazy idea to see if I could still do a cartwheel. I can’t.

Just landed via X:

I’m only staying up until midnight on New Year’s to watch that bloody year die.

Just shared via Twitch:

How about hold me as tight as you’re holding onto that grudge?

Just landed via Facebook:

Ever since I was a little girl, I have loved staying up really late, hanging out with myself, and thinking about stuff and things.

Breaking via Telegram:

Withholding sex from you people isn’t working.

Just shared via Slack:

People tell me to just be myself like that would be a good thing.

Just shared via Twitch:

A massage is not enough, I need to be rolled through a pasta machine.

Going viral on Instagram:

I am cool with January lasting forever because rent is due February 1.

Spotted on Slack:

Some people exercise every day. Right now, I’m watching a show I don’t like because the remote fell on the floor.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

Girl math is crying for two hours and then realizing it wasn’t that deep.

The question of whether an employer values its employees is sometimes answered by the toilet paper.

0
The question of whether an employer values its employees is sometimes answered by the toilet paper.
Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Ah, the age-old litmus test for employee appreciation – the humble toilet paper! 🚽💸 If you find yourself unravelling single-ply sandpaper in the workplace restroom, it might be time to update your resume pronto! 😂📝 Remember folks, happy employees = soft, plush TP! 🌟🧻 #EmployerAppreciation"

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

100 shares on Twitch this month:

Called in, “If we’re living in a simulation, just simulate that I’m in the office today.”

29 shares on Discord this month:

To the person who stole my place in the queue. I’m after you now.

46 shares on Twitch this month:

Work can be tiring at times, and you might feel like quitting. But remember those plane tickets.

27 shares on Telegram this month:

The people who are $30 trillion in debt are giving you a credit score.

73 shares on WeChat this month:

I get so embarrassed for no reason after posting on social media, like, why am I showing my life?

52 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Called in, “Hey, macarena!” this morning.

54 shares on Threads this month:

I’m currently on a really effective diet called “I only have twenty dollars until payday”.

75 shares on TikTok this month:

Can we normalize arguing with little kids? They’re so rude.

55 shares on Reddit this month:

I no longer need an alarm clock because I’m over 40 and have a bladder.

37 shares on X this month:

I hate it when I’m cleaning the house and suddenly find a bowl of ice cream in my lap and my soap opera on.

Trending Topics 📁

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Hot Jokes 💥

10 folks are currently checking 👀

How do I get my glasses prescription placed in my windshield?

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Quitting my job to pursue my true passion: not having a job.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

I have a photographic memory, but I’ve run out of film.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Just shaved my whole body for Santa.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

I wish I could get a bouquet of mozzarella sticks.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Deleting dating apps because I want to meet someone the old fashioned way (he and his donkey rescue me from a tower guarded by a dragon).

15 folks are currently checking 👀

I always bring luggage when visiting my mom because I know she’ll send me on a guilt trip.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

There are approximately 1,010,300 words in the English language, but I could never string enough words together to properly express how much I want to hit you with a chair.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

If I go quiet, it’s because I am plotting my escape or your demise.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

My doubters will become my grouters when I remodel the bathroom of success.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,654

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇳 has viewed:

I like how people say “travel safely” like I’m the one flying the plane.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has viewed:

Everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about. Make it worse by saying they look tired.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has viewed:

No one warned me that being an adult was mostly just hurrying up to get somewhere you don’t want to go in the first place.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has shared:

“I’m getting tired of everything being 100 dollars and 100 degrees.”

Someone from 🇵🇦 has bookmarked:

It’s really hard to come back after a poorly executed high five.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has viewed:

Christmas lights: the only thing bright around here besides my personality.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has viewed:

You think you’ve seen gold diggers, until you see a male friend group where only one of them made it.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has bookmarked:

Inventing the Grinch: “Santa needs a Wario!”

Someone from 🇹🇳 has viewed:

To cut the long story short, I have spent all my money.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has viewed:

First World War. Kind of nervous.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Instagram:

This quote is invisible. Only people who masturbate a lot can read it.

Trending via Facebook:

Asking women for sex just to end the conversation.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

All I’m saying is that porn gives us an unrealistic expectation of how quickly the electrician shows up.

Breaking via WeChat:

The worst part of online shopping is having to get up and get your card out of your wallet.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

If I delete a tweet, I should disappear with it.

Just landed via Slack:

Are oranges called oranges because they are orange, or is the color orange called orange because an orange is orange?

Shared recently on Discord:

When life gives you lemons, squirt someone in the eye.

Seen just now on TikTok:

Relationship so bad you start relating to Taylor Swift songs.

Spotted on Twitch:

The one thing I’ve never had in my car’s glove box is a pair of gloves.

Trending via Slack:

Can we normalize arguing with little kids? They’re so rude.

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