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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇹 has bookmarked:

The next James Bond should be weird. Like he wears a train conductor’s hat and is afraid of balloons.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has downloaded:

My bank account and I are no longer on speaking terms.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has copied:

I like liking Instagram stories because I like pressing buttons.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has shared:

Middle-aged math is going out drinking and feeling half your age then waking up the next morning feeling twice your age.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has copied:

My opinion of the American education system is largely based on how many nuggets I get when I order a ten piece.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has copied:

Does anyone know where I can get my shit together?

Someone from 🇼🇸 has bookmarked:

“People you may know” and it’s someone I would set on fire.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has bookmarked:

Sorry I’m late, I got here as soon as I wanted to.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has bookmarked:

If you ever need nothing, I’m here for you.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has copied:

I respect the moon because it controls three of our most precious entities: oceans, wolves & women.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2038 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,200

Funny Quotes Topics

14,954

Funny Quotes Images

12,200

25 seconds ago

3,444

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on Twitch:

I logged on to Amazon and they said that they have run out of things that I don’t need.

Spotted on Slack:

I’m stuck between “I need to save money” and “You only live once.”

Making waves on Snapchat:

My career plan? Win the lottery and disappear.

Broadcasted on Snapchat:

If someone asks why you’re so pale, simply reply, completely shocked, “You can see me?”

Seen just now on WeChat:

Me, at the intervention: “Ah look, all the reasons I drink gathered in one place.”

Making waves on Slack:

I feel like people just come to the airport to cough.

Broadcasted on LinkedIn:

I was having a great time until I remembered that I was ugly.

Broadcasted on Threads:

The best way for me to stick to my diet is to go straight back to sleep after breakfast.

Freshly posted on Threads:

I just come here for the free life advice and inspirational quotes from people who’s lives are complete train wrecks.

Making waves on YouTube:

I woke up this morning and my hair looked like a Beatles lyric. Here, there, and everywhere.

The question of whether an employer values its employees is sometimes answered by the toilet paper.

6 months ago

The question of whether an employer values its employees is sometimes answered by the toilet paper.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Ah, the age-old litmus test for employee appreciation – the humble toilet paper! 🚽💸 If you find yourself unravelling single-ply sandpaper in the workplace restroom, it might be time to update your resume pronto! 😂📝 Remember folks, happy employees = soft, plush TP! 🌟🧻 #EmployerAppreciation"

employees, employer, humor, paper, question, relationship, toilet, toilet paper, value, workplace

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2038 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,200

Funny Quotes Topics

14,954

Funny Quotes Images

12,200

25 seconds ago

3,428

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇴 has copied:

Waiting patiently for the alien invasion.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has shared:

Ugh, those red and blue flashing lights are interfering with my driving and scrolling.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has bookmarked:

Welcome to the internet, where people are confidently wrong all the time.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has viewed:

I ate my exam paper. Which means that pretty soon I’ll pass the test.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has shared:

Some of us better hope Santa doesn’t check social media, because if he does, all we’re getting for Christmas is therapy.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has bookmarked:

My signature move is to tell men that I can’t hear them because I have my headphones in when I quite visibly don’t have headphones in.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has viewed:

Now I know why my dad used to wake up at 4AM and just sit at the kitchen table for an hour.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has downloaded:

Is it just me, or does anybody else get excited about cancelling plans?

Someone from 🇰🇲 has copied:

I rode around the block on my bike for the first time in years and now I understand why Lance Armstrong took performance enhancing drugs.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has copied:

I get it dogs, I wish I could also bark at strangers approaching my house.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Can’t, holding a grudge.

Making waves on TikTok:

For Halloween, I’m going as an emotional roller coaster.

Spotted on Twitch:

Going to a wedding really reminds me of the important things in life. Like cake.

Spreading quickly via Snapchat:

38% of being a dad is sitting in a car, looking at your watch, and waiting for everybody else to come out.

Spreading quickly via Slack:

Have I made bad decisions when I was drunk? Sure. But have the sober ones been any better? Not really.

Spotted on Snapchat:

I don’t need the web for attention, I jog in a wedding dress.

Just landed via TikTok:

Just saw my evil doppelganger speed away in a DeLorean. I’m sure it’s fine.

Just landed via Pinterest:

I had a Russian Uber driver the other day. His name was Pikup Andropov.

Going viral on YouTube:

First caveman to see fire: Well, this is a buncha bullshit that no one needs (stomps it out) and I predict that’s the last I’ll ever see of that.

Going viral on Messenger:

We were never supposed to have this much access to stupid people’s thoughts, beliefs, and opinions.

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