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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇳 has bookmarked:

I admire how time manages to quickly heal wounds but takes forever to remove awkward tan lines.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has downloaded:

Went fishing and actually caught a fish. So now I gotta deal with this shit.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has copied:

“I’m not jealous of nobody but stay-at-home wives who are married to wealthy men.”

Someone from 🇬🇼 has viewed:

“In a galaxy far, far away” is starting to sound quite enticing.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has downloaded:

Flirting back when you’re bored can really get you into some unwanted situations.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has shared:

I really don’t care what happens to me romantically anymore.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has downloaded:

People often mistake me for an adult because of my age.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has copied:

I wanna be crazy rich. I’m already crazy, so I’m half way there.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has downloaded:

Dear Stomach, you’re bored, not hungry. So shut up.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has copied:

My diet plan is sometimes, when I’m eating chips, I drop some on the floor, and I don’t eat those ones.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Feb 3, 2026

3,527

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Pinterest:

What doesn’t kill you makes you weird at social gatherings.

Going viral on Snapchat:

We should all go into advertising and fix what’s going on with commercials. They need our help.

Freshly posted on Slack:

Just did my best horse impression and the doctor still won’t give me ketamine.

Live now on Instagram:

One day you’re young and fun and the next you’re saying things like, “That’s a pretty building.”

Going viral on TikTok:

Sometimes I just want a man to talk to me in the same voice he uses to talk to his dog.

Making waves on Twitch:

I wish pets lived longer, and life wasn’t so expensive, and cake didn’t make you fat, and people weren’t twats.

Live now on X:

Adulting has stunned me into silence. I have no thoughts, no remarks and no commentary at the moment.

Shared recently on Messenger:

“You just want an easy life.” Should I want a difficult one?

Going viral on Facebook:

There’s no one I respect more than duck hunters. You spent $15,000 on a camouflage boat to outsmart a duck.

Breaking via Threads:

If you’re dating an alpha female, you need to know that they need to be babied at night, or else they will turn into a dragon.

There should be an opposite of Valentine’s Day where you post Instagram photos of your enemy.

3 weeks ago

Witty quote about celebrating enemies instead of Valentine’s Day, playful and humorous in tone.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Oh, the age-old tradition of spreading malice instead of love! 💔😈 Who needs roses and chocolates when you can broadcast your carefully curated shots of side-eye and eye rolls? 📸😜 Just make sure to use the right filter to really capture that "frenemy drama" essence! #AntiValentinesDay #InstagramWarfare

celebration, day, enemy, humor, Instagram, love, opposite, photos, post, rivalry, should, valentine’s, Valentine’s Day, where

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Social Media Stars ⭐

36 shares on WeChat this month:

When younger I would walk up to the counter and the bartender would know me by name. Now it’s my pharmacist.

54 shares on Threads this month:

Source? It was revealed to me on a walk.

95 shares on Slack this month:

I’m the kind of crazy you weren’t warned about because no one knew this level existed.

100 shares on WeChat this month:

Will someone please make me drink some water and limit my screen time?

68 shares on Snapchat this month:

Please, if you ever offer me a snack and I say no, ask me again, I didn’t mean it the first time.

23 shares on X this month:

Tidying up usually ends up with you sitting somewhere and playing around with things you found while tidying up.

81 shares on LinkedIn this month:

And for my next trick, I’m going to make this first date the last date.

100 shares on TikTok this month:

I love cutting off Teslas. Like you may not let me merge over but your car sure as hell will.

98 shares on Twitch this month:

A 12 step program but it’s just me getting off the couch.

61 shares on Instagram this month:

A storm knows it’s laced with destruction, and yet it rages on.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Before borrowing money from a friend, decide which you need most.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Ancestors survived five mass extinctions on earth for me to be killed by a house cat I was trying to put a Christmas sweater on.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Went for a walk. Very pleasant evening. The squirrels and rabbits kept running away from me. That stung a little. I will remember their faces.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m awake and working. Please respect my privacy during these trying and emotional times.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Might quit my job to focus on summer.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

The subtle art of surviving this life with grace and dignity.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Text her when the moon looks pretty.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Welcome to middle age. You now take pictures of instructions so you can enlarge them.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Laying in a hammock is essentially saying, “I hope there are no emergencies.”

21 folks are currently checking 👀

We should be able take jets and tanks and stuff whenever we want, we paid for them.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,404

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇷 has shared:

The way that we’re constantly told not to eat silica gel makes me suspect that it contains all the world’s forbidden knowledge.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has shared:

I have lived way too many lives for people to think they know everything about me.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has copied:

I don’t run from my problems. I sit on my couch, play on my phone, and ignore them like all other adults.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has bookmarked:

Quitting my job to focus on watching YouTube.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has downloaded:

Just because your parents planned you doesn’t mean you weren’t a mistake.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has shared:

If David Bowie taught us anything, it’s that being a little weird is better than being forgettable.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has bookmarked:

Nothing in a household is said more lovingly than, “Can you bring me some toilet paper?”

Someone from 🇫🇲 has downloaded:

When someone sits in the empty seat beside you: flattered yet annoyed. When no one sits in the empty seat beside you: offended yet relieved.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has shared:

I feel like I’m in season 5 of my life, and the writers are just making ridiculous shit happen to keep it interesting.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has viewed:

How to have flat stomach: remove all of your organs.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via LinkedIn:

This December is not Decembering like the other Decembers Decembered.

Shared recently on Discord:

Everything’s under control. I just don’t know whose.

Spotted on Reddit:

I’ve had enough. I’m ready to spend an eternity in the arms of my lover.

Spotted on X:

One day I’ll do amazing things. Today I’ll be satisfied if I don’t spill food on my lap.

Just landed via Snapchat:

Those who run away from me are afraid that they might confess their love to me.

Breaking via Instagram:

Welcome to your 40’s: you get excited about avocados now.

Spotted on Telegram:

My new diet plan is to hibernate and live off all this fat I’ve accumulated.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

Does anyone know if it’s possible to buy the transcripts of audiobooks? Thanks!

Going bananas on Twitch:

Having a crush should be considered a form of self-harm.

Freshly posted on Discord:

Your first non-broke girlfriend will change your whole perspective about relationships.

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