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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇼 has copied:

The rule should be: if you can smell the cookout, you’re invited to the cookout.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has viewed:

I smoke weed for my mental health and your personal safety.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has downloaded:

If there is a God and He “loves” us, then explain snakes.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has copied:

My house was clean yesterday. Sorry, you missed it.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has downloaded:

Oh, I have Christmas spirit. The question is: Do I mix it with coke or do I drink it neat?

Someone from 🇸🇧 has shared:

I just sneezed next to my computer and the anti-virus popped up.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has copied:

What a time to be alive! (Derogatory)

Someone from 🇨🇲 has viewed:

Lord, they down here giving us bills every month after you already paid the price.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has downloaded:

Me and my boys are broke, so we take turns taking pictures of one iced matcha.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has copied:

Kids should get the last name of whichever parent has more followers.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2405 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,567

Funny Quotes Topics

15,241

Funny Quotes Images

12,567

53 minutes ago

3,460

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Threads:

I didn’t just turn into a grouchy old woman overnight. It took years of people letting me down, pissing me off, and dealing with idiots to get this good at it.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

In my 20’s: might hit the club tonight. In my 40’s: might go to the grocery store to listen to some bangers.

Broadcasted on Snapchat:

There’s no post-breakup healing process for girls. You just wake up one day and be like, “Ew,” and you’re free.

Making waves on WeChat:

The secret to being able to buy whatever you want is not wanting much.

Seen just now on X:

Eating nothing but beer for a month and calling that Oktoberfast.

Spotted on Discord:

The next time someone texts me “we need to talk,” I’ll reply, “Yes, we really need to talk,” so that I won’t be the only one stressing.

Just landed via X:

People who shower at night are bold enough to assume tomorrow’s even happening.

Shared recently on Threads:

Befuddlingly, a palm tree won’t fit in your hand.

Going viral on X:

You ran a half marathon? That’s really cool, I’ve almost finished a bunch of things, too.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

All this overthinking, and I still make the worst decisions.

They say the human body is 60% water, but after extensive observation of my husband and son, I’d like to submit a revision to the data. Those two are at least 50% wind.

Jan 20, 2025

They say the human body is 60% water, but after extensive observation of my husband and son, I’d like to submit a revision to the data. Those two are at least 50% wind.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"According to scientific research, the human body is 60% water… 🌊💧 Or at least it was until my husband and son came into the picture! After careful monitoring, I propose a new finding: they are at least 50% hot air and wind! 💨🤣 #FamilyScience #Windbags"

50, body, family, human, humor, husband, observation, son, water, wind

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2405 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,567

Funny Quotes Topics

15,241

Funny Quotes Images

12,567

53 minutes ago

3,452

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇨 has copied:

There should be a good 10 hours in between waking up and having to interact with people.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has bookmarked:

Imagine if every time you ate a grape you’d hear a soft voice whisper “that was my son…”

Someone from 🇱🇸 has copied:

I love ordering things online because when they arrive it’s like a present from me to me.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has viewed:

I haven’t even gone to bed yet and I already can’t wait to get home from work tomorrow.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has copied:

Sometimes your ankle takes a vacation while you’re walking.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has viewed:

When life closes a door, just open it again. It’s a door, that’s how they work.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has copied:

When life gives you lemons, squirt someone in the eye.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has copied:

Don’t check on your introverted friends this time of year. They’re probably turning their lights off and pretending they’re not home.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has downloaded:

Sending messages is easy. Living with them forever is the hard part.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has downloaded:

If you haven’t tried blindfold archery, you should give it a go. You don’t know what you’re missing.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Twitch:

Kissing while both wearing baseball caps is so hard. How do baseball players do it?

Spotted on Instagram:

My daughter’s morning alarm is less to wake her up, and more to warn the rest of us.

Just shared via X:

I voted for the candidate on the last yard sign I saw before pulling in. Slow children at play will lead us into the future.

Trending via Facebook:

I was dismayed to hear the story of Rumpelstiltskin. I had no idea he was like that outside of work.

Making waves on Slack:

Nothing more humiliating than sending a text message with a picture and the picture doesn’t send for ages and now you’ve said something sooo odd out of context.

Shared recently on Threads:

You know it’s a fancy restaurant when you have to point at what you want on the menu because you can’t pronounce the name.

Going viral on Telegram:

Me before grocery shopping: only healthy foods, no impulse buys, I can do this. Me during grocery shopping: they make chocolate filled marshmallows?

Just shared via Slack:

Why go to the art museum when I can just stare at you?

Going viral on LinkedIn:

Money does not buy happiness, but it’s better to cry in a sports car than on a bicycle.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

I used to eat my feelings but now it’s so expensive, I might as well go to therapy.

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