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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇱 has downloaded:

“You’re so quick to cut someone off!” God forbid a girl actually has self-respect.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has copied:

Sobriety: because my standards got tired of lowering themselves.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has shared:

I’m like the Temu version of a well-functioning adult.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has copied:

Sorry, can’t go out tonight. My bed told me it needs me, and I can’t let it down.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has copied:

My favorite 90s skill: Uninstalling my car stereo and hiding it in my glove box in under 15 seconds.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has copied:

I saw someone wearing a shirt today that said “Eat Pasta Run Fasta,” and I can’t get it out of my head.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has bookmarked:

Unpopular opinion: Landlords should not be able to increase rent unless they’re upgrading the apartment.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has downloaded:

Love that every time I finish a snack I have to wave my hands around to prove to my dog it’s all gone, like I’m cashing him out at a casino or something.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has viewed:

I’m capable of doing a lot of things but listening to people chew their food is not one of them.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has viewed:

Yeah, the planet is dying. The government hates us. The animals are leaving. The aliens aren’t contacting us. We might be alone. It just might be you and me.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

240 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,509

Funny Quotes Topics

17,577

Funny Quotes Images

15,509

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,348

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on Telegram:

Great minds think alike, but so do stupid ones.

Freshly posted on Discord:

If Microsoft Edge is brave enough to ask to be your default browser, you can be brave enough to ask that girl out.

Just landed via Facebook:

I put my pants on just like everybody else: when the police tell me to.

Going viral on Threads:

I’ve started dating myself exclusively but it’s not working out.

Making waves on Discord:

I’ve been blocked, unfollowed, and unfriended, but I’ve never been told I’m bad in bed.

Just landed via Discord:

You know what’s worse than someone’s phone alarm playing the tune over and over? Someone else who starts whistling along.

Trending via Instagram:

I can keep my mouth shut, but you can read the subtitles on my face.

Shared recently on WeChat:

I like waiters. They bring a lot to the table.

Broadcasted on Slack:

It’s important to set an alarm the first day of school, so you remember to pick up the kids.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

A dating app called Unhinged where you agree to meet up and fight each other.

They should invent a body that doesn’t keep the score.

0
They should invent a body that doesn’t keep the score.
Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Imagine a world where your body is like a sneaky ninja, always dodging the calorie count and eluding the bathroom scale 🕺🍔 No more guilt trips for that extra slice of cake! Who do we talk to about making this dream body a reality? 🍰🚫⚖️"

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

71 shares on WeChat this month:

That was a nice hour long Twitter scroll. Feel much worse as always. See you guys tomorrow.

24 shares on Twitch this month:

Finally it’s Friday and I can go out. I’m putting the garbage out and I’ll be right back.

36 shares on Pinterest this month:

My therapist said this to me, and it hit me like a brick: “They’re not your friends if they disagree with you or try to challenge you.”

100 shares on Instagram this month:

Was in a bookshop and asked a worker if he could recommend books to me. He said, ‘Sure, they’re great.’

65 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Grok, is this true? Grok, am I original? Grok, am I the only one? Grok, am I sexual?

92 shares on YouTube this month:

Bag of salad is the boxed wine of vegetables.

15 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Every house is a dream house when you can’t afford one.

43 shares on Discord this month:

When a woman texts you three questions, you should only answer one. She will love that.

41 shares on Pinterest this month:

You should be allowed to leave work early if you are really in love.

26 shares on YouTube this month:

“It’s not that deep!” Well, I have a shovel and I enjoy digging for meaning.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

17 folks are currently checking 👀

The best thing about driving in the snow is staying home.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Unless it’s manic, I don’t want to hear about your Monday.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Netflix will help you finish the name of the movie you’re typing, and then tell you they don’t have it.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

It seems that after checking my bank account, I need to turn to a life of crime.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Due to not wanting to, I will not be.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

They said, “Enjoy your money because life is short.” Now my money is finished, but I’m still alive.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Imagine a refund on all the money you spent on alcohol.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Kid, I have jeans older than you.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Got my dog microchipped, so if he runs away, I can just press a button, and he’ll explode.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

A really good magician could be living in your house and you would never know.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

240 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,509

Funny Quotes Topics

17,577

Funny Quotes Images

15,509

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,554

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇻 has shared:

Writing ‘thanks.’ instead of ‘thanks!’ so you know I’m mad.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has shared:

I’m still waiting for the day my parents will say, “It’s all fake, we are millionaires, this was just to teach you to be humble”.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has downloaded:

Actually, it’s illegal to be upset if you make a date on Halloween and they ghost you.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has downloaded:

I absolutely loooooove getting in the bed. The excitement of finally laying down? Unmatched.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has bookmarked:

If you get injured playing peekaboo, you end up in the ICU.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has viewed:

Always tell people different stories about yourself, so when they talk about you, they’ll argue.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has copied:

People who accuse me of delusions of grandeur, obviously don’t worship me enough.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has bookmarked:

Your eyes water when you yawn because you miss your bed and it makes you sad.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has shared:

I love how “sleeping in” used to mean noon, and now it means 8:30 a.m.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has copied:

Female breasts are nature’s anti-stress balls. The irony is that they are connected to the biggest stress-inducing device.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on X:

The Titanic is a great lesson of why “just the tip” can get you into a whole lot of trouble.

Just shared via WeChat:

They get real weird at the gun store if you walk in crying and asking for “the biggest one”.

Seen just now on Threads:

Back in my day there was so much toilet paper and so much eggs that we gathered at night and threw them at the houses of our enemies.

Trending via TikTok:

The endings of Lost and Game of Thrones each cost me a television.

Seen just now on Slack:

I wish I could invoice people for wasting my time.

Going bananas on Snapchat:

If you can’t handle me at my worst just imagine how I feel.

Freshly posted on X:

If liars’ pants really did catch on fire, watching the news would be a lot more fun.

Just landed via YouTube:

This year has gone by so quick. Christmas is basically tomorrow.

Seen just now on Slack:

Gonna eat birthday cake all day because it’s someone’s birthday out there, and we’re about to celebrate together, stranger.

Just shared via X:

Gravity called. It’s sick of holding me up.

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