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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇻🇪 has bookmarked:

My friend’s kid asked me if I had any games on phone so I let her text my ex.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has viewed:

I don’t want your hoodie, I want your still-beating heart presented to me in a box.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has viewed:

Facial recognition technology, but for me when I’m talking to people I’ve apparently met before.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has shared:

Hi, I’m a social media user, you might know me from such hits as “I’m leaving this stupid place” and “I’m back everybody.”

Someone from 🇵🇼 has bookmarked:

All these galaxies and planets, and we ended up on the one with 40 hour work weeks.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has shared:

Why are plane tickets so expensive? You’re going that way anyway, just give me a ride.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has viewed:

I’m shocked it offended you, I was certain someone was gonna need to explain it to you.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has bookmarked:

Welcome to your 40s, where the hair shows up uninvited and looks pissed to be here.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has viewed:

Having an exorcism, but only because the demon requested it.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has viewed:

My bed is a magical place where I suddenly remember everything I forgot to do.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

241 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,510

Funny Quotes Topics

17,577

Funny Quotes Images

15,510

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,561

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Snapchat:

Bro, did you seriously just forget about Dre?

Going viral on WhatsApp:

There should be a tented fingers emoji. For when you’re feeling ruminative.

Just shared via Telegram:

My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard, and I’m like, cool, can one of you reach the top shelf for me.

Going bananas on Discord:

Stick with me and you’ll go places. None of them good, but still.

Seen just now on Discord:

Jump to recipe is the closest thing we have to teleportation.

Going bananas on LinkedIn:

Airlines when they need to change your flight: here’s a complimentary napkin. Airlines when you need to change your flight: that’ll be $8700.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

People who live in glass houses should be put on a watchlist.

Spotted on Facebook:

I totally get why Leonardo DiCaprio is trying to save the environment for future generations. They could be his girlfriend.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

I could have been the favorite mistress of the Sun King at Versailles, but nooooooooo I had to be born into late stage capitalism.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

Home is where you can look ugly and enjoy it.

This Christmas, get her the gift that’ll last a lifetime. Give her a tortoise.

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This Christmas, get her the gift that’ll last a lifetime. Give her a tortoise.
Download image ↓

Commentary:
🎁🐢 This Christmas, why settle for fleeting joy when you can gift everlasting companionship with a tortoise? 🎄🐢 Sure, it may not fit under the tree, but hey, the gift of a tortoise is a gift that truly keeps on giving… and giving… and giving. 🎁🐢 Who needs diamonds when you can have a shelled friend for life? 😉 #TortoiseLove

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

72 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Today I started gardening. I planted myself in front of the TV and I sat there the entire day.

90 shares on Facebook this month:

Sometimes I think the subway rat is doing better than me. He has a routine, a social circle, and knows where to find the best pizza.

15 shares on Twitch this month:

I don’t argue with my kids anymore. I just vacuum every surface of the living room while they’re trying to watch TV.

24 shares on Messenger this month:

Welcome to your 50s: You’re not attracted to anyone who likes you.

68 shares on Messenger this month:

It’s interesting growing up and learning that most adults are not smart. I had my suspicions as a kid, but I didn’t think the situation was this dire.

73 shares on Facebook this month:

At this point, if a clown invited me into the woods, I would just go.

49 shares on WhatsApp this month:

You will see blonder children than you would ever think possible at expensive ice cream parlours.

71 shares on Slack this month:

I love having plans to cancel.

26 shares on Discord this month:

I googled my symptoms and it turns out I just need this election to be over.

48 shares on Slack this month:

Turns out, sitting on the porch, feeding birds and squirrels, is a pretty good treatment for depression.

Trending Topics 📁

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Hot Jokes 💥

14 folks are currently checking 👀

I didn’t mean to gain weight. It happened by snaccident.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Someone at work is gonna suggest you download Outlook and Teams on your phone, and it’s very important that you don’t listen to them.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Tweeting shouldn’t cost money but it should flip you on your back like a bug for 15 minutes.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

No Botox. I need to furrow my brow when people say dumb things.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Imagine hating me while I’m just over here being lazy and minding my own business.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Age regressing by coughing like a toddler, with my tongue out.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

I get it, sauce, I also thicken over time.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Nowadays an “all-nighter” means I didn’t have to get up to pee.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

“Can you explain the gap in your resume?” I went missing in a national park.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

I need you to put the fun in refund!

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

241 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,510

Funny Quotes Topics

17,577

Funny Quotes Images

15,510

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,466

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇷 has viewed:

I wear black because it’s slimming. Exercise is also slimming, but like I said, I wear black.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has viewed:

My friends wife threatened to leave him over his Star Wars collectibles and I was like “divorce is strong in this one”.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has viewed:

Is my life this bad because I didn’t forward that email to 15 people back in 2007?

Someone from 🇸🇴 has shared:

Did you know if you hold your ear up to a stranger’s leg, you can actually hear them say, ‘What the hell are you doing?’

Someone from 🇧🇹 has downloaded:

It’s so hot that my shadow just went back inside and gave me the finger.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has viewed:

I’m capable of doing a lot of things but listening to people chew their food is not one of them.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has viewed:

Why count sheep when I can count my troubles?

Someone from 🇬🇹 has downloaded:

Broke my work phone. I can’t talk on it anymore. I should have done this a long time ago.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has bookmarked:

Working as a 911 operator but hanging up when someone starts screaming because I’m an empath, and it overwhelms me.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has shared:

Let’s ride this misunderstanding into the sunset.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Threads:

I have never seen a sad person sliding down a water slide.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

Imagine being a bald vampire and every time you walk by a mirror your toupée is just floating.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

Countries are just gangs with paperwork.

Spreading quickly via Slack:

Wait. We’re now turning plants into burgers? Haven’t cows been doing that like, forever.

Seen just now on X:

Sunday is proof that time travel exists, because it was just Friday.

Spotted on Snapchat:

I don’t think humans were put on this earth to know what Salesforce is. It’s unnatural.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

The hottest thing a man can do is exactly what he said he was going to.

Shared recently on Discord:

There’s a rhyming Italian expression for saying “take it or leave it” that goes “o mangi questa minestra o salti dalla finestra”. It means “either eat this soup or throw yourself out the window”.

Making waves on YouTube:

I listen to a lot of white noise, so I get really excited when it rains or someone turns on a fan. It’s like seeing my favorite band live.

Just landed via Snapchat:

90% of parenting is just thinking about when you can lie down again.

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