This Monday could have been an email.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has downloaded:

Imagine a refund on all the money you spent on alcohol.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has viewed:

I think the world is ready for a fat James Bond.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has bookmarked:

You sound unhinged. Let’s go get mugshots.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has shared:

Hey, so this Mercury retrograde is actually really demonic and soul-crippling. Let’s wrap this up by midnight.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has shared:

Them: I haven’t seen you in a long time. Me: You’re welcome.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has shared:

At my next job, I’m gonna lie about having a kid so I can leave the office anytime I want like everyone else with children.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has downloaded:

Blocking someone isn’t enough; I need their PornHub videos to always buffer, just as they’re about to climax.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has bookmarked:

Conflicts may arise but always remember to be the bitter person.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has downloaded:

The absolute injustice of being asked to come and take away the boxes of junk that you’ve been storing at your parents’ house for 20 years.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has viewed:

Don’t flirt with me. I’ll show up at your house and start eating all your snacks.