This whole working for a living thing goes on for how long?

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I cheat on my taxes by sleeping with other people’s taxes.

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My real introduction to classical music came from watching Tom & Jerry cartoons as a kid. Also how I got into sadism.

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Cats must think we’re so weird for constantly harvesting their poop.

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My brain is 80% song lyrics.

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Surely, this is the hangover that will teach me my lesson.

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A marriage is about solving problems together, you know, those problems you wouldn’t have if you were single.

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Yabba dabba doo used to be a rad way to start a Saturday.

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I was talking to someone and combined “all good” and “no worries” by saying “all worries”, which was a lot more accurate.

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No one tells you that the older you get, the more often you check your weather app.

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Living in your parent’s house is free because you pay with your soul.