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Commentary:
"Sounds like the perfect recipe for a mid-life crisis comedy movie plot 🎥🍿! Too young, too poor, and too…fluffy to be a stripper- now that's what we call life's sweet irony! Let's just keep on truckin' and see where the chips fall! 💃🏼💸🍰 #LifeGoals"

age, fat, humor, life, money, move, move on, poor, quit, retire, too, young

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

For this Halloween I’ve trained my eyebrows to leap off my face and destroy those who’ve angered me.

2 months ago

anger, costume, destroy, eyebrows, face, Halloween, humor, me, spooky, training
Bands who can’t afford a smoke machine should hire my wife to cook at their concert.

5 months ago

afford, band, bands, concert, cook, hire, humor, machine, should, smoke, smoke machine, wife
I’m the product of too much television and zero supervision.

1 month ago

entertainment, humor, irony, leisure, much, product, self-deprecating, supervision, television, too, zero
I call my period Shark week. I want to eat everything, I’m snapping at people, I feel huge, people are scared of me, and there is blood everywhere.

1 month ago

blood, call, cravings, eat, emotions, everything, everywhere, feel, huge, humor, i, me, menstruation, people, period, scared, shark, Shark week, snapping, want, week
Dentist appointments are so weird. “Hi, nice to meet you, could you root around in my mouth for a bit?”

1 month ago

appointments, around, awkward, bit, dentist, humor, meet, mouth, nice, root, weird
The most avoided species of shark is the Loan.

1 month ago

avoidance, finance, humor, joke, loan, shark, specy

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

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Someone from 🇱🇨 has bookmarked:

Don’t blame a clown for acting like a clown. Ask yourself why you keep going to the circus.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has downloaded:

If we get invaded by space aliens, I am immediately defecting to the alien side. Sorry.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has downloaded:

Studies show that 100% of all parents think alcohol tastes much better after spending the day with children.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has bookmarked:

You are never too old to achieve your dreams. Prince Charles had to wait 73 years.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has bookmarked:

Once you book a trip, it becomes hard to focus on life.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has downloaded:

It is very hard to set aside the time to do your taxes when you are really busy doing other things like eating a snack or looking around the room.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has bookmarked:

Fitness influencer: It’s important to listen to your body. Body: You’re old. And you want lasagna.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Instagram:

I’m gonna get my vasectomy done at Home Depot like a real man.

Trending via YouTube:

Living with a dog is 90% following each other around, watching each other go potty, and wondering what the other has in their mouth.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

Every time my neighbors start moaning, I pause my music to rate the performance.

Spotted on Pinterest:

I wonder if people that fall asleep right away know that we hate them.

Trending via Instagram:

Floating on a rock in space, but yeah – 9 to 5 sounds reasonable.

Making waves on Discord:

Fake laughing at work is exhausting as hell, just leave me alone, bro.

Going viral on Snapchat:

When I was young, I was afraid of the dark. Now, these bills got me afraid of the light.

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Activity Log ✨

Too young to retire, too poor to quit and too fat to strip – so let’s move on.

For this Halloween I’ve trained my eyebrows to leap off my face and destroy those who’ve angered me.

Bands who can’t afford a smoke machine should hire my wife to cook at their concert.

I’m the product of too much television and zero supervision.

I call my period Shark week. I want to eat everything, I’m snapping at people, I feel huge, people are scared of me, and there is blood everywhere.

Dentist appointments are so weird. “Hi, nice to meet you, could you root around in my mouth for a bit?”

The most avoided species of shark is the Loan.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

American Feng Shui is when the grill doesn’t wobble.

If I had a bf, I’d be a gf.

Just got diagnosed with needing a hot chocolate with extra marshmallows.

I do believe in aliens, but do they also believe in me?

Of course babies cry when flying, their entire understanding of planes centers around them being eaten.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

My morning routine is basically just me convincing myself not to go back to bed.

This family has a lot of nerve wearing all these clothes after I just did laundry.

You wake up at 6 a.m. and it’s like you have 48 hours instead of 24.

I feel bad for those that don’t enjoy their own company. I be having a ball by myself.

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Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

I won’t rest until a cure for insomnia is found.

Your favorite little ball of silliness has logged in.

Maybe your dog is barking at my luggage because he doesn’t enjoy his job, officer.

You should never forget where you came from. That’s probably where your keys are.

You should tell different people completely different things about yourself so that they then get into arguments when gossiping about you.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

I swear people go to Starbucks and just say random words. “Lemme get a grande iced mocha no foam quad soy hexagon vortex hypothesis with steamed ice”.

Treat me like a joke and I’ll leave you like it’s funny.

My guardian angel is taking the longest smoking break in recorded history.

Put my too-weak notice in at the gym.

Mothers be doing unnecessary housework and then get mad at you when they’re tired.

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Too young to retire, too poor to quit and too fat to strip – so let’s move on.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

For this Halloween I’ve trained my eyebrows to leap off my face and destroy those who’ve angered me.

Bands who can’t afford a smoke machine should hire my wife to cook at their concert.

I’m the product of too much television and zero supervision.

I call my period Shark week. I want to eat everything, I’m snapping at people, I feel huge, people are scared of me, and there is blood everywhere.

Dentist appointments are so weird. “Hi, nice to meet you, could you root around in my mouth for a bit?”

The most avoided species of shark is the Loan.

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Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

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Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

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