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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇬 has downloaded:

Adulting has stunned me into silence. I have no thoughts, no remarks and no commentary at the moment.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has bookmarked:

Who called it an undertaker and not a host mortem?

Someone from 🇷🇴 has shared:

A moment of silence for those who hate us but can’t unfriend us because they’re afraid of not knowing what’s happening in our lives.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has shared:

When I was a kid, I thought cicadas were the sound sunshine makes when it’s real hot outside.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has shared:

I really hope my house is haunted and not in need of structural repairs.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has bookmarked:

How many of you also constantly take screenshots of something and then never look at them again?

Someone from 🇹🇷 has shared:

The problem with dating apps is I don’t wanna date someone that would use a dating app.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has shared:

Crazy to think the average Zoomer male just works, watches porn, and plays video games. That’s it. That’s their whole life.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has bookmarked:

Play your cards right and we could be wearing matching fanny packs this summer.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has viewed:

Took a bunch of Ibuprofen to keep my posts from being too inflammatory.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Feb 3, 2026

3,728

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Twitch:

I don’t know why doctors only give stickers to kids? Like, hello, I was also brave today.

Going viral on TikTok:

Good morning. May your day be as beautiful as I am.

Spotted on Slack:

I feel like my greatest accomplishment today has been not saying what I’m thinking out loud.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Can you put some pants on my voodoo doll and pop some money in the pocket, please?

Breaking via Facebook:

I started at the bottom and worked my way down.

Seen just now on Messenger:

When you decorate your whole house for Christmas, what you’re really saying is “I’m not going to dust for at least a month.”

Going bananas on Telegram:

A clever man fills his wife’s closet with so many clothes that no other man can fit in.

Spotted on Telegram:

I love it when strangers smile at me and I smile back, and we have that nice stranger smiling moment.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

Hi, I’m making some changes in my life. If you don’t hear from me, you are one of them.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

I’m so introverted, I only listen to house music.

Too young to retire, too poor to quit and too fat to strip – so let’s move on.

2 weeks ago

Playful quote about life's struggles, blending humor and self-deprecating wit.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Sounds like the perfect recipe for a mid-life crisis comedy movie plot 🎥🍿! Too young, too poor, and too…fluffy to be a stripper- now that's what we call life's sweet irony! Let's just keep on truckin' and see where the chips fall! 💃🏼💸🍰 #LifeGoals"

age, fat, humor, life, money, move, move on, poor, quit, retire, too, young

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Social Media Stars ⭐

91 shares on Telegram this month:

I need a browser plugin that disables Amazon when I’m drinking. Hashtag: don’t drink and Prime.

34 shares on Pinterest this month:

Sunrises are really beautiful, but the timing is rather bad.

20 shares on X this month:

I don’t understand people who say “I don’t know how to thank you.” Like they never heard of money.

84 shares on TikTok this month:

Good morning everyone, who feels like working today? I promise I’ll let you do my job.

66 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I feel like I’m in jail when I’m around unfunny people for too long.

100 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I just saw someone on TikTok say that the reason the world didn’t end in 2012 is because Psy turned the Honmoon gold with Gangnam Style.

31 shares on Slack this month:

It’s been so long since I had sex last, went jogging in flip flops just to remember the sound.

30 shares on Pinterest this month:

I don’t have kids or a dog. What can I bring into a bar that will make everyone mad?

93 shares on LinkedIn this month:

They should invent weekends that are long-lasting.

33 shares on Messenger this month:

My family passed down mood swings and anxiety instead of money or houses.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

14 folks are currently checking 👀

A weekend in a log cabin with a hot tub sounds perfect right now.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Since I started following the wisdom of ancient Chinese philosopher Fuk Yu, my life has been so much better…

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Who develops the algorithm? I want to speak to the manager.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Most of your problems emanate from assuming that you are intelligent. Ease into your stupidity, and be free.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Delete a letter of his name from your contacts every time he makes you upset. When his name’s gone, he’s gone. Hangman that boy.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Flex on strangers by asking them if they remember you.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

A diamond is forever, and so is my teen’s grudge against me for some random stuff every other day.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

I hope some dyslexic people don’t mail Satan instead of Santa.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

I regret to inform you all that I just plan on getting hotter and weirder.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Blocking isn’t enough, I hope your pillow never has a cold side.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,316

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇫 has bookmarked:

Why procrastinate now when you can always procrastinate later?

Someone from 🇸🇾 has bookmarked:

Andrew Tate is what you’d get if Axe body spray gained consciousness.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has viewed:

I don’t want to adult anymore. Don’t even want to be human. I want to be a goat. Jump around randomly, eat what I want, and head-butt anyone who annoys me.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has viewed:

Long story short, I survived.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has downloaded:

I was told to be more optimistic so I’ve decided french fries aren’t bad for me.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has shared:

Have you fallen in love with me yet, or do I need to post more nonsense?

Someone from 🇸🇿 has viewed:

It’s interesting growing up and learning that most adults are not smart. I had my suspicions as a kid, but I didn’t think the situation was this dire.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has viewed:

If I unsubscribe from your email list, I definitely do not need you to send a follow-up email to confirm.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has copied:

My dating era has come to an end. I’d like to thank those who participated.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has shared:

The amount of people who “find God” after doing something evil needs to be studied.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Instagram:

Therapy is basically me saying, “I did a thing,” and my therapist saying, “Yay, good job!”

Just landed via Facebook:

Welcome to middle age. Everything you encounter is either blurry or too loud now.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

“Your password is too weak!” Just wait until you see my impulse control.

Trending via TikTok:

My mom asked me where I’m taking her to eat on Mother’s Day. I told her we have food at home.

Broadcasted on Messenger:

Maybe dogs are smarter than us because they found a way to get fed and housed without having to go to college and get a job.

Spotted on Slack:

It’s like 10,000 steps when all you need is a nap.

Shared recently on Twitch:

Just waiting for my laundry to be done so I can pop it in the dryer and forget about it again.

Trending via Messenger:

Monday is already sending me threatening glances from across the room.

Shared recently on Twitch:

There are 400 billion stars in our galaxy and perhaps two trillion galaxies in total, and I just wonder if Miss Universe fully understands her achievement.

Shared recently on Twitch:

Dogs are man’s best friend because a dog would never blindside you with a group chat.

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