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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇿 has viewed:

If I don’t duck my head when I drive into the parking garage, what’s gonna keep my car from hitting the ceiling?

Someone from 🇨🇫 has downloaded:

Noam Chomsky is a crazy name, like you sound hungry as f***.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has shared:

I lied. There’s no sex. Can you help me put this fitted sheet on my mattress?

Someone from 🇧🇫 has downloaded:

They invented the word metallic, because irony was already taken.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has downloaded:

Perhaps an evening in the meditation cage will soothe you.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has copied:

Adult friendships are difficult. The people I get on best with never want to leave the house either.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has copied:

Uninstalling Instagram can increase your IQ by 10%.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has copied:

The worst part about working from home is that your real husband is also your work husband.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has downloaded:

My favorite dinner is the one made by someone else.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has bookmarked:

Hyphenated. Non-hyphenated. The irony.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2246 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,408

Funny Quotes Topics

15,116

Funny Quotes Images

12,408

Updated

1 hour ago

Users Online

3,453

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via Discord:

I found my first grey pubic hair today, but I didn’t freak out; unlike everyone else in the Zoom meeting.

Just landed via X:

Those eyes ain’t gonna roll itself, let me help you.

Breaking via Facebook:

The only thing I love more than an open mind is an open bar.

Spreading quickly via Reddit:

It’s called a Caesar Salad because you stab it a bunch of times when you eat it.

Going viral on Pinterest:

I’m never single for too long, you gotta catch me while you can.

Just shared via Snapchat:

A college education is one of the few things a person is willing to pay for and not get.

Just landed via WeChat:

Now that the nights are getting cooler again, spiders often hide in your bed in search of warmth. Sleep well!

Breaking via Snapchat:

A real smartphone would know when to shut up.

Seen just now on Twitch:

Long distance relationships can work if the four of you all truly trust each other.

Broadcasted on Twitch:

Before we all die from nuclear war or a global climate crisis, can we get a little alien invasion as a treat.

Trying is the first step toward failure.

Trying is the first step toward failure.
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Commentary:
Ah, yes, the classic wisdom of Homer Simpson. Remember, if at first you don't succeed, try, try again… until you fail gloriously and have a good story to tell at parties!

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2246 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,408

Funny Quotes Topics

15,116

Funny Quotes Images

12,408

Updated

1 hour ago

Users Online

3,452

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇶🇦 has bookmarked:

The dude who invented the autocorrect has died. Restaurant in piece.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has viewed:

The only thing that has grown faster than rents in recent years is the overtime we have to work to pay them.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has shared:

Killing with kindness is a murder by compliments.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has downloaded:

Mayor of a small town is such a wild job. It’s like being the president of a country where you went to high school with the whole population.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has shared:

Just bought 4 pounds of cherries like I’m in some math problem.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has copied:

I laugh at my own jokes because I am my target audience. Y’all just happen to be there.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has shared:

Sometimes I feel useless, but then I remember I breathe out carbon dioxide for plants.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has copied:

Asbestos? I’m doing asbestos I can.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has bookmarked:

Surround yourself with people who google the menu of the restaurant beforehand.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has shared:

Your nose is in the middle of your face because it is the scenter.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Pinterest:

If life has taught me one thing, it’s that I need more money.

Breaking via YouTube:

I treat people the way I want to be treated by not leaving the house.

Going viral on Snapchat:

My real introduction to classical music came from watching Tom & Jerry cartoons as a kid. Also how I got into sadism.

Breaking via Messenger:

Can we start the weekend again? I wasn’t ready.

Breaking via WhatsApp:

I would only enjoy the Met Gala if at the end of that runway they all walked into a volcano.

Breaking via WhatsApp:

When your kid asks you where the other parent is, they’re really saying that they’d like to speak with the manager.

Just shared via Telegram:

Using a condom and still pulling out, call that two-factor authentication.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

It was a complicated 17-hour surgery, but they finally managed to separate the art from the artist.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

If anyone wants a more cost effective energy provider, I can supply endless energy on tap from my absolutely not tired child at bedtime.

Just landed via Slack:

It’s crazy that you don’t really argue with a baby for the first year of its life and then you have to argue with the baby every day.

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