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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇪 has viewed:

Boys say that girls are dramatic, but have you ever plucked a man’s eyebrow? They act like they’ve been shot.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has shared:

If you’re sleep-deprived and type the symptoms into Google, you’re as good as dead.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has downloaded:

How to have flat stomach: remove all of your organs.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has viewed:

I miss when men had big hair, louder feelings, and leaned over cars to declare their love.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has bookmarked:

I got Botox, and I asked the doctor, “How many years younger will this make me look?” and he was like, “Zero. You’ll just look like the other girls your age who have also gotten Botox.”

Someone from 🇳🇵 has copied:

Diet Coke so crisp I moaned.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has copied:

Our childhood photos might be ugly but those smiles were definitely not fake.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has downloaded:

Don’t break someone’s heart, they have only one. Break their bones, they have 206 of them.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has bookmarked:

Bold of you to assume I have the energy to even climb a hill to die on.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has downloaded:

The umbrella was going to be called brella, but the inventor hesitated.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

241 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,510

Funny Quotes Topics

17,577

Funny Quotes Images

15,510

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,670

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Facebook:

Well, it took several decades, but I might have finally run out of things to say.

Spotted on Discord:

Shout out to all the experts on the web who know everything there is to know about absolutely everything.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

When you drink red wine from a cup, it looks like fruit tea and you are also admired by others for your healthy lifestyle.

Broadcasted on Discord:

All strapless bras need to be taken off the shelves. A total recall. We do not have the technology yet.

Making waves on Threads:

Please don’t match my crazy. One of us has to be rational here, and it’s definitely not going to be me.

Just landed via TikTok:

Singing in the shower is all fun and games until you get shampoo in your mouth. Then it’s a soap opera!

Just landed via WhatsApp:

Nothing hurts more than someone not getting your joke.

Broadcasted on Slack:

Hopefully it won’t be as bad as it already is.

Spreading quickly via WhatsApp:

Whenever Im in trouble, I think, what would Jesus do? Then I pretend to be dead and disappear for 3 days.

Broadcasted on Reddit:

Getting the house to yourself for a night is basically winning the lottery.

Twitter when Franz Ferdinand got shot would have been the best day ever.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Imagine the #WWI memes and puns 🤣 The assassination that broke the internet before it was even a thing! #HistoryGoneViral 📱💥"

assassination, best, best day, day, ever, ferdinand, franz, Franz Ferdinand, history, humor, irony, media, meme, shot, social, social media, Twitter

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I took my kids to the zoo when they were small, I wonder how they are getting on now.

0

2 months ago

activity, family, fun, fun activity, getting, i, kids, memory, nostalgia, parenting, small, wonder, zoo
I already know how it will end. One of my children will unplug my life support to charge their phone.

0

2 months ago

charge, children, end, family, humor, i, irony, know, life, life support, phone, support, technology, unplug
I like you because we hate the same people.

0

2 months ago

bonding, common, common ground, friendship, ground, hate, humor, i, people, relationship, same
Got fired on my first day working at the drugstore for calling my new coworkers ‘my pharmily’.

0

2 months ago

calling, coworkers, day, drugstore, fired, first day, humor, joke, new, pharmily, pun, working, workplace
The only constant in my life are the accidental screenshots of my lock screen.

0

2 months ago

accidental, constant, humor, life, lock, lock screen, screen, screenshot, technology
I put the dance in “Good riddance!”

0

2 months ago

dance, expression, farewell, fun, good, good riddance, humor, i, put, riddance

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

47 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Bluesky honestly feels like a miracle where you take the most annoying people in the world and stick them in a broken elevator together.

21 shares on TikTok this month:

Me liking your post is the equivalent of an angel kissing your forehead.

36 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I drive like I’m immortal.

48 shares on WeChat this month:

Sorry, I’m late. I sat on my bed in a towel for 45 minutes, staring at the wall.

42 shares on Instagram this month:

Blocking him isn’t enough. I want his favorite sports team to finish last every year for now and forever.

47 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Are you stupid, sand? You could just lay here forever on this beautiful beach, but no, you have to try with all you’ve got, to get into my shoes.

31 shares on Snapchat this month:

If the shampoo and the conditioner finish at the same time, one of them faked it.

79 shares on Facebook this month:

They should let you spend one night in a house before you buy/rent it, just to make sure it’s haunted.

96 shares on WeChat this month:

I hate when I lose things at work, like pens, papers, sanity and dreams.

45 shares on X this month:

Me leaving the house: I hope I don’t see anyone.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇶🇦 has bookmarked:

My wife screamed “you haven’t listened to a single word I’ve said, have you?!” I was taken aback, what a weird way to start a conversation.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has copied:

Hardly a day goes by without me being reminded that an academic degree has nothing to do with intelligence.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has shared:

I love eating fast food and getting big and fat. It’s amazing.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has copied:

I was in a good mood until I realized not only was it not Friday it wasn’t even Thursday.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has viewed:

You can reach me by butterfly.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has copied:

Go ahead and get some sleep, everyone. I’ll stay up and handle the overthinking.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has downloaded:

I stop myself at least twice a day from posting a status that would make everyone grab popcorn.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has shared:

Requesting the Pink Panther theme song at karaoke and just standing on the stage motionless the entire time.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has shared:

That depressing moment when you pull up to work and the building is not engulfed in flames.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has viewed:

I really want to be nice, but annoying people just won’t let me.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Snapchat:

I identify as Michael Jackson, so my pronouns are “he/hee.”

Going bananas on Instagram:

What’s the best job for someone who cries very easily and cannot handle any criticism?

Spotted on LinkedIn:

For whom the doom scrolls!

Just landed via WeChat:

My goal is to do one thing each day that could prevent me from being elected to political office.

Shared recently on WeChat:

My therapist said I should face my fears. So I turned my phone back on.

Going viral on X:

Perfume and jewelry are two things you can never go wrong with gifting me.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

Why do they call it a garage sale instead of a garbage sale?

Trending via TikTok:

There should be a “Take Your Friend to Work Day,” so we can actually see what our friends do all day and meet the characters from all their work stories.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

Not to brag, but I just stood up without making a sound. Don’t be jealous.

Breaking via YouTube:

The mattress in the guest room was perfectly fine until I had to sleep on it once.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Twitter when Franz Ferdinand got shot would have been the best day ever.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

I took my kids to the zoo when they were small, I wonder how they are getting on now.

I already know how it will end. One of my children will unplug my life support to charge their phone.

I like you because we hate the same people.

Got fired on my first day working at the drugstore for calling my new coworkers ‘my pharmily’.

The only constant in my life are the accidental screenshots of my lock screen.

I put the dance in “Good riddance!”

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨