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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇳🇵 has copied:

Happy return of “yes of course it’s bedtime, see how dark it is outside” to all parents who celebrate.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has viewed:

Just realised if I have a kid, they’re likely to see the year 2100… WTF?

Someone from 🇪🇨 has downloaded:

Music just makes living on this earth a little bit more bearable.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has downloaded:

I disagree with my politics.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has bookmarked:

Sick and tired of these 30 mins weekends.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has bookmarked:

I don’t have kids or a dog. What can I bring into a bar that will make everyone mad?

Someone from 🇧🇳 has downloaded:

I don’t understand why bugs come inside when they have a whole outside to themselves.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has downloaded:

Mercury retrograde: because adulting is hard, and sometimes you just need a celestial excuse.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has copied:

Are you really a personal trainer or do you just want to wear shorts to work every day?

Someone from 🇮🇳 has downloaded:

It’s crazy people waste their time with hobbies and family when there are strangers on the internet who need to be argued with.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

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17,766

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15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,345

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Instagram:

Which one of you shrunk all of my jeans?

Live now on Slack:

Horrifying if literal: my girlfriend is a gym rat.

Trending via Reddit:

I would describe my personal style as whatever is on top of the pile of clothes on the floor.

Trending via WhatsApp:

There is no bigger lie than “fun for the whole family”.

Making waves on YouTube:

Spent 20 minutes training ChatGPT to write the perfect anniversary note for my wife, so don’t try to tell me I’m not romantic.

Just landed via Discord:

I don’t drink alcohol. I like suffering raw.

Just shared via YouTube:

Me to cat: quit looking at me like I’m an ingredient.

Going bananas on X:

Welcome to your 40s, you now respond to every younger person telling you their age with “Jesus Christ”.

Live now on Messenger:

Deeply unfair of people to assume I have my life together just because I’m boring.

Shared recently on Reddit:

Mice after a breakup be like “we are not on squeaking terms”.

Twitter when Franz Ferdinand got shot would have been the best day ever.

4 weeks ago

Funny text imagining Twitter's reaction to Franz Ferdinand's assassination as a perfect day.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Imagine the #WWI memes and puns 🤣 The assassination that broke the internet before it was even a thing! #HistoryGoneViral 📱💥"

assassination, best, best day, day, ever, ferdinand, franz, Franz Ferdinand, history, humor, irony, media, meme, shot, social, social media, Twitter

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58 shares on WhatsApp this month:

If I sing “Hello” and you think of “Lionel Richie” and not “Adele,” then you can probably predict the weather with one of your knees.

70 shares on Discord this month:

I start each day assuming it will be horrible and go from there.

85 shares on WeChat this month:

The first Humans saw the sun go up and then back down, and so they decided to call it a day.

59 shares on WeChat this month:

In the 80s, you could literally shrink your kids with a shrink-ray, and your wife wouldn’t divorce you. I’m pretty sure I saw a documentary film about it.

67 shares on Discord this month:

God ate when he created sleep, what a beautiful concept.

64 shares on WeChat this month:

Just shaved my whole body for Santa.

39 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Ribbed condoms don’t even taste like ribs.

97 shares on LinkedIn this month:

One of the most amazing things in nature is that the basketball hoop is the perfect size to fit a basketball through.

10 shares on Twitch this month:

Stop using ChatGPT. I can feed you misinformation too and I’m also beautiful and funny sometimes.

36 shares on Snapchat this month:

I hate when people ask me, “What did you do today?” Like, buddy, listen, I woke up at noon and then it was five p.m., okay? I don’t know.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇬 has shared:

If you’re tired of “food” and want to try something a bit more sophisticated, may I recommend “cuisine”?

Someone from 🇧🇭 has downloaded:

We should be able to go to the bar and drink to watch Love Island, like men do with sports.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has shared:

Sex is like tacos. I wish I were having some now.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has shared:

I think my boss is delusional; he keeps shaking his head and calls me Jesus Christ.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has bookmarked:

Instead of meeting any new people, I would much rather un-meet the ones I already know.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has copied:

Love to go to hipster restaurants and eat half a grilled cheese off an old license plate.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has bookmarked:

At what point in not being able to sleep do I throw the towel in and have a beer, since maybe that will help?

Someone from 🇱🇧 has viewed:

Establish dominance by dropping your panties first.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has copied:

Changing my relationship status from “Single” to “I give up.”

Someone from 🇲🇭 has viewed:

I have now learned the moonwalk. It’s visually the coolest way to get fresh dog poop off the soles of your shoes.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Pinterest:

He thinks I’m so smart because I read books. Baby, they is FAWKING in these books.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

Coding: Where incessantly talking to yourself seems completely normal and debugging is like being a detective in a movie where you are both the detective and the perpetrator.

Seen just now on Threads:

If you don’t realize that you’re a werewolf, then you’re actually an unawarewolf.

Just landed via Discord:

The meeting of the Anonymous Pessimists was canceled. It wouldn’t have helped anyway.

Making waves on YouTube:

Sex before marriage is a sin unless you do it doggy style, because all dogs go to heaven. Follow me for more biblical loopholes.

Trending via Instagram:

Getting tired without doing anything is an art form.

Live now on Twitch:

Technically I’m still young, but according to my back pain I’m actually 69.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

In search of someone who loves me as much as I love my snooze button.

Just shared via Threads:

Have I made bad decisions when I was drunk? Sure. But have the sober ones been any better? Not really.

Broadcasted on Discord:

I don’t need to touch grass, I need to touch one million dollars cash.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Twitter when Franz Ferdinand got shot would have been the best day ever.

I bought a “How to Be Spontaneous” course… it starts in six months.

Revenge is a dish best served by cutting a sandwich horizontally instead of diagonally.

Men tell you “I know a place” and bring you to the brink of madness.

Missed garbage day today, if you’re looking for a bad boy that doesn’t play by the rules.

Millennials are just 30-40-year-olds who look 20-30 years old and feel 80-90 years old.

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Twitter when Franz Ferdinand got shot would have been the best day ever.

Keep the laugh going 😂

I bought a “How to Be Spontaneous” course… it starts in six months.

Revenge is a dish best served by cutting a sandwich horizontally instead of diagonally.

Men tell you “I know a place” and bring you to the brink of madness.

Missed garbage day today, if you’re looking for a bad boy that doesn’t play by the rules.

Porn is free, so why are you in my DMs?

Millennials are just 30-40-year-olds who look 20-30 years old and feel 80-90 years old.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨