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Despite removing all the stains, I still lost my job as a church window cleaner.

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Sometimes I say “huh,” then answer the question before you can repeat your question.

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I may be ugly, but I used to be uglier.

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I like my men like I like my coffee. Not that hot but still making me anxious.

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Never trust a wet fart.

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Coughing has finally overtaken speaking Arabic as the most taboo thing to do in an airport.

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Why would I spend money on the zoo when I can watch my colleagues for free?

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I remember when my boss asked me who is the stupid one, me or him? And I told him everyone knows he doesnโ€™t hire stupid people.

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When is this robot army coming to take my job?

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I’m dying for some sweets and the only thing sweet in the house is me.

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Twitter when Franz Ferdinand got shot would have been the best day ever.

Twitter when Franz Ferdinand got shot would have been the best day ever.

Commentary:
"Imagine the #WWI memes and puns ๐Ÿคฃ The assassination that broke the internet before it was even a thing! #HistoryGoneViral ๐Ÿ“ฑ๐Ÿ’ฅ"



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