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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇴 has bookmarked:

Who’s up thinking about the crushing weight of existence?

Someone from 🇬🇪 has viewed:

It’s a paradox that your nose is running and your feet smell.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has shared:

I need to stop drinking so much. Did I say drinking? I meant thinking. I definitely need to drink more.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has copied:

Not to brag but I don’t even need alcohol to make really bad decisions.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has copied:

If the zombie apocalypse happens we’re double screwed because there are millions on record as having no brain.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has downloaded:

If a company’s hiring sign says, “Come grow with us,” you’re about to do the job of 3-5 people.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has bookmarked:

Not to brag but I don’t need alcohol to do something stupid.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has bookmarked:

I’ve reached the age where people talk loudly and slowly to me.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has downloaded:

I only have one wish in life… For all my dreams to come true.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has copied:

Before you call me an idiot consider this: I know!

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

764 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,926

Funny Quotes Topics

13,898

Funny Quotes Images

10,926

17 minutes ago

3,434

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Threads:

Shouldn’t it have been called the ‘not answering machine’?

Trending via YouTube:

Got out of jury duty yesterday by confessing to the crime.

Just shared via Twitch:

…and so ends another week of me not becoming unexpectedly rich.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Kids these days don’t know the shame of having to explain yo-yo injuries.

Going viral on WeChat:

You can’t get a good night’s sleep anymore because of woke.

Reported on Snapchat:

Restaurant toilets are dangerous! So many of my dates have gone to use them and vanished.

Trending via X:

One of my greatest strengths is appearing busy so people don’t try to speak to me.

Shared recently on Discord:

At bedtime, I ceremonially move the claw clip from my hair to the bag of chips, signifying the end of the day.

Trending via Discord:

Third wheeling with two girls who are best friends is so much worse than third wheeling a couple.

Seen just now on X:

I just cleaned the house top to bottom, so now I’m gonna need everybody to stop living here.

Weekends are a scam, you spend one day exhausted and the other day anxious. Like, what the hell was that?

5 months ago

Weekends are a scam, you spend one day exhausted and the other day anxious. Like, what the hell was that?

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Ah, weekends – the ultimate con job! One day you're exhausted from the week's hustle, and the next you're anxiously dreading Monday's return 🤯 It's like being stuck in a time loop of tiredness and dread, with a sprinkle of 'What in the world just happened?' confusion thrown in for good measure! 😂 #WeekendScamAlert"

anxious, day, exhausted, hell, humor, irony, reality, scam, spend, stress, weekend

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

New Funny Quotes

Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

764 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,926

Funny Quotes Topics

13,898

Funny Quotes Images

10,926

17 minutes ago

3,433

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇫🇷 has downloaded:

Thoughts more intrusive than a 90s sitcom neighbor.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has downloaded:

If you ever find yourself mad at me, put a cape on so you can be super mad.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has shared:

Sorry I was late, I was waiting for my CVS receipt to finish printing.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has viewed:

I was hoping to age like a fine wine, but I sort of feel more like an avocado.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has bookmarked:

Eating wings is the opposite of flying.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has downloaded:

Our parents just don’t know how far we rode the bikes when we were young.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has downloaded:

I googled my symptoms and it turns out I just need this election to be over.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has bookmarked:

My neighbor said he heard me having sex today but it was just me standing in front of my air conditioner.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has viewed:

Please solve a murder to prove you’re not a bot.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has shared:

Studies show that 100% of all parents think alcohol tastes much better after spending the day with children.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Threads:

And is your “sparkling personality” in the room with us now?

Making waves on X:

The sexual tension between me and disappearing without an explanation.

Shared recently on Threads:

Me before grocery shopping: only healthy foods, no impulse buys, I can do this. Me during grocery shopping: they make chocolate filled marshmallows?

Making waves on X:

Like shark attacks on humans, it’s actually extremely rare. The majority of antique, porcelain headed dolls aren’t interested in murdering people.

Freshly posted on Discord:

This too shall pass… It may pass like a kidney stone, but it will pass.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

Sometimes life is like a cowshed. You step from one turd into the next.

Making waves on WeChat:

I can’t wait to hit my 80s & run for Congress.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

I don’t know which aunty needs to hear this, but focus on your own child.

Breaking via Pinterest:

You ever look at yourself on the self-checkout camera and think, “wow, I better write my will.”

Live now on WhatsApp:

I don’t have red flags, I have fun facts.

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