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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇱 has shared:

When I write “I hope this email finds you well” I’m referring to the email’s skills in tracking you down.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has viewed:

I really miss kissing. I hope next year favors my lips.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has shared:

No, they’re not “symptoms of depressions.” They’re Blue’s Clues.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has bookmarked:

Do the people who make chairs know what humans look like, or nah?

Someone from 🇲🇻 has copied:

I’m as single as a one Dollar bill, and I don’t need any change.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has viewed:

Social media is mental suicide.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has viewed:

Me, telling my kids we’re leaving in 30 minutes: We’re leaving in 5 minutes.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has shared:

Why do women complain about size but moan when fingered?

Someone from 🇮🇳 has copied:

Nice tots you got there. Be a shame if someone tatered em.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has viewed:

Teens are like, “My homework isn’t done, but check out this presentation I made on why I need Instagram.”

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

237 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,506

Funny Quotes Topics

17,571

Funny Quotes Images

15,506

Jan 6, 2026

3,708

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Facebook:

Love is not pushing them down the stairs when you have the opportunity.

Just shared via WeChat:

The breathing exercises from the birth preparation course are only needed once the child has reached puberty.

Trending via X:

You ever notice how fans of the worst music always focus on the meanings of the songs instead of the actual music?

Seen just now on X:

You may find my attraction to Goofy weird, but I don’t give a hyuck.

Just shared via Threads:

Hot girl in her 20s: It’s so weird, but I keep getting lucky, and everything works out in my favor.

Just landed via Facebook:

I applied for a job and got it, and now I really have to go there. Crap!

Going viral on LinkedIn:

Thank God for headphones and day dreaming.

Going bananas on YouTube:

Ripped a tag off my leggings and did not realize it was load-bearing.

Going bananas on Messenger:

I like to minimize the disappointment by being myself right from the start.

Just shared via YouTube:

Have come to the devastating realization that I am an over-nodder on video calls.

Weekends are a scam, you spend one day exhausted and the other day anxious. Like, what the hell was that?

2 months ago

0

Weekends are a scam, you spend one day exhausted and the other day anxious. Like, what the hell was that?

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Ah, weekends – the ultimate con job! One day you're exhausted from the week's hustle, and the next you're anxiously dreading Monday's return 🤯 It's like being stuck in a time loop of tiredness and dread, with a sprinkle of 'What in the world just happened?' confusion thrown in for good measure! 😂 #WeekendScamAlert"

anxious, day, exhausted, hell, humor, irony, reality, scam, spend, stress, weekend

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Sorry I can’t have a pleasant, safe and affordable life, my government said no.

0

2 months ago

affordable, commentary, government, humor, i, irony, life, pleasant, safe, social, social commentary, sorry
I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.

0

2 months ago

afford, children, expectations, family, financial, humor, i, living, move, parenting, things, want
Anyone know if we got the meek inheriting the Earth today?

0

2 months ago

Earth, humor, inheriting, irony, know, meek, question, today
Not sure who needs to hear this, but make your bloody bed.

0

2 months ago

advice, bed, chores, daily, daily habit, discipline, habit, hear, humor, morning, morning routine, motivation, needs, productivity, routine, sure
I’m perfectly approachable as long as you’re carrying a plate of nachos.

0

2 months ago

approachable, carrying, food, humor, interaction, joke, nachos, perfectly, plate, snack, social, social interaction
Alcohol: When you want to run away from your problems without moving.

0

2 months ago

alcohol, away, coping, drinking, escape, fun, humor, moving, problems, relaxation, run, want

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

37 shares on Messenger this month:

Police cars should play ice cream truck music when they’re pulling you over for something minor.

51 shares on Slack this month:

Oh, sorry, I can’t right now. I’m imagining some things and worrying about them.

52 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I don’t like the person I become when my boss tells me I should be working while at work.

61 shares on Instagram this month:

It’s so beautiful to see people just give up at work this time of year. I’m getting emails that do not include any complete sentences.

63 shares on X this month:

No one my age is single because they’re all unhappily married.

59 shares on Twitch this month:

I’m like a semicolon, most people don’t know what to do with me.

37 shares on LinkedIn this month:

They need to increase life expectancy so I can squeeze in another mid-life crisis.

19 shares on YouTube this month:

We keep a potato masher in a drawer because sometimes it’s fun to not be able to open that drawer.

47 shares on Threads this month:

He’s a 10, but it’s the pain scale.

59 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Just let your girlfriend be crazy, like who cares, bro.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

11 folks are currently checking 👀

When I say, “I have to be someplace,” what I mean is, “I want to go home.”

24 folks are currently checking 👀

With my staggering 91% survival rate, you’d be a fool to hire another dog sitter.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Ribbed condoms don’t even taste like ribs.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Have you noticed? When the relationship is new, the guy is never busy.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

If I’m ever murdered, feel comfort in knowing I ran my mouth until the bitter end.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Breaking up is fine, but logging me out of your Netflix is crazy.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Hey boy, are you my period? Because you’re annoying as hell but I still wanna see you regularly.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

To-do list: bite the hand that feeds me, put all my eggs in one basket, kill two birds with one stone, let the cat out of the bag, think inside the box, burn bridges, walk on thin ice, play with fire.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Because of my looks, everyone only wants one thing from me, that I leave them alone.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

One of my favorite parts of grocery shopping is when somebody else does it for me.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

237 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,506

Funny Quotes Topics

17,571

Funny Quotes Images

15,506

Updated

Jan 6, 2026

Users Online

3,364

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇿🇼 has bookmarked:

As parents we have to make sacrifices all the time. Today, I had to eat my kid’s ice cream because she couldn’t finish it.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has bookmarked:

“You’re an athlete,” I whisper to myself, as I begin my third attempt to get out of the couch.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has copied:

A burrito is just a sleeping bag for beans.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has bookmarked:

Stretching isn’t enough. I need to be able to disassemble my body like Legos.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has copied:

The more you embrace your crazy side, the more fun life becomes.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has copied:

Woke up feeling not too shabby for a 60-year-old. The only problem is I’m still in my 40s.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has downloaded:

My hobbies include sleeping and feeling like I’ve never slept.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has bookmarked:

Why is everyone against sugar? Who stood beside you when things went wrong and you were sad? It wasn’t lettuce, for sure.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has copied:

Spotify Wrapped isn’t enough, I want an Excel spreadsheet of my listening habits.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has downloaded:

Social anxiety so bad I wonder if I’m welcome at places I was invited to.

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via WhatsApp:

Make your salad taste better by putting it between bread, meat, cheese, and Big Mac sauce.

Live now on Facebook:

That little pocket on jeans is the perfect size for the money I have left over after I pay all my bills.

Spotted on Instagram:

If you really wanna piss someone off when introducing them, make little finger quotation marks in the air when announcing their job title.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

Some days you’re the bat, some days you’re the ball.

Spotted on Instagram:

We are all just prisoners here of our phone device.

Shared recently on Threads:

We should be able to go to the bar and drink to watch Love Island, like men do with sports.

Breaking via WeChat:

Every year, just in time for Christmas, when it’s freezing cold, the Coca Cola truck shows up. Now, in this freaking heat, it’s nowhere to be seen.

Spreading quickly via Slack:

Hey (with the intention of making you forget everyone who came before me).

Spotted on Reddit:

My brain has too many tabs open and one of them is playing music I can’t find.

Just landed via Instagram:

I know I’m almost 40 because I had a few drinks last night and woke up this morning thinking: Oh no I bought so many socks online last night.

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