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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇪 has bookmarked:

The collective noun for a group of reply guys is an audacity.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has copied:

I’ll see you in court (at the marriage registry) (I love you)

Someone from 🇧🇬 has downloaded:

Went to the toilet today without my cell phone. There are 245 tiles.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has viewed:

Always do sober what you said you’d do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has bookmarked:

Last Christmas, I gave you my heart, but the very next day, Guantanamo Bay.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has copied:

I am “any text received after 9pm will be answered at 6am” years old.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has copied:

They’re putting me through the penny flattening machine at the zoo.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has bookmarked:

I never finish what I start. I have a black belt in partial arts.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has shared:

Don’t even bother contacting me on the Ouija Board after I die. I barely answer my texts now.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has bookmarked:

Quitting my job to pursue my true passion: not having a job.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

766 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,928

Funny Quotes Topics

13,900

Funny Quotes Images

10,928

Updated

31 minutes ago

Users Online

3,445

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Pinterest:

I’m sick of the Microsoft Authenticator. Like, who would be logging in to do my work?

Shared recently on Reddit:

How did they get kids to pose for oil paintings? Mine won’t sit still for 4 seconds for a family photo.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

I dropped and broke my phone today. Hurt more than childbirth!

Just landed via Facebook:

Don’t suffer in silence. Make it everyone’s problem.

Spotted on Telegram:

Don’t ever get excited if your kid likes a new food. They won’t like it tomorrow.

Trending via X:

A real smartphone would know when to shut up.

Just shared via Reddit:

Just once I’d like my dog to give me a treat.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

A little sign under the doorbell that says, “think twice, adventurer.”

Freshly posted on TikTok:

I am convinced that some of you are failed experiments that gained sentience and escaped from a lab.

Going viral on X:

Your Starbucks order leads me to believe that you’re very difficult to deal with.

Weekends are a scam, you spend one day exhausted and the other day anxious. Like, what the hell was that?

Weekends are a scam, you spend one day exhausted and the other day anxious. Like, what the hell was that?
Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Ah, weekends – the ultimate con job! One day you're exhausted from the week's hustle, and the next you're anxiously dreading Monday's return 🤯 It's like being stuck in a time loop of tiredness and dread, with a sprinkle of 'What in the world just happened?' confusion thrown in for good measure! 😂 #WeekendScamAlert"

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

766 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,928

Funny Quotes Topics

13,900

Funny Quotes Images

10,928

Updated

31 minutes ago

Users Online

3,434

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇱 has bookmarked:

I avoid drama by being unpopular.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has bookmarked:

Unknown numbers will call me, then expect me to talk first. Welcome to the breathing competition.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has downloaded:

Shout out to all you people out there who get asked if you’re okay a lot even though that’s the only facial expression you have.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has downloaded:

IKEA products should be cheaper, I’m doing all the work here. It’s like ordering takeout food and still having to cook it when it arrives.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has downloaded:

The downside of common sense is, having to deal with those that lack it.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has downloaded:

My new coffee table book, “Accidental Screenshots,” is available for pre-order now.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has copied:

Be the one that gets asked to remove the hockey mask, during a conference call, on Friday the 13th.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has viewed:

Somebody just told me I was living the dream, I can assure you I have never dreamt of this shit right here.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has viewed:

Our dog snores so loud, we had to rename him Grandpa.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has copied:

The grass is only greener on the other side because of all the bullshit on it.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on YouTube:

Matcha. Dubai chocolate. Jealousy. Green is back in a big way, and likely due to deforestation.

Shared recently on YouTube:

How can I be expected to get out of bed when I don’t want to?

Breaking via Slack:

Wow, this was a really long day of playing on my phone.

Reported on Snapchat:

It sucks when you have to stand on an escalator for 30 minutes because of a power cut.

Just shared via Telegram:

The pizza delivery guys say “see you tomorrow” to everyone, right?

Just landed via X:

I don’t need to grow a thick skin. The world needs to grow fewer thorns.

Spotted on Facebook:

Stay an extra hour in the office and no one cares. Arrive a few minutes late and everyone loses their minds.

Live now on WeChat:

When you are stressed you eat ice cream, cake, chocolate and sweets, because stressed spelled backwards is desserts.

Spotted on Discord:

Halloween is the only day you can ghost someone and blame it on being festive.

Trending via TikTok:

Cover letters are so embarrassing. Why am I writing a love letter to this shitty company?

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