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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇳 has shared:

If I were an organ, I’d fail.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has bookmarked:

Men have nice skin because they stress out everyone but themselves.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has copied:

January feels like a schizophrenic episode.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has downloaded:

I don’t understand the phrase “You can’t have your cake and eat it” because if I have cake, what the hell else am I supposed to do with it.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has shared:

I don’t understand people who say “I don’t know how to thank you.” Like they never heard of money.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has viewed:

I will selflessly protect my family from a life of diabetes by eating all the sweets myself.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has copied:

My plan is to die young as late as possible.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has viewed:

Cynics are – beneath it all – only idealists with awkwardly high standards.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has downloaded:

Parents will give you a lecture about fake friends and then get scammed by their own siblings.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has downloaded:

Girls don’t actually shop. We just walk round touching the clothes saying ‘this is cute’.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Jan 2, 2026

3,445

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Pinterest:

Gang initiations from the Midwest be like “you have to eat the entire potato salad.”

Trending via Snapchat:

Only in America can a kid wear $150 shoes, sip a $8 coffee, and post from a $1,200 phone about being oppressed and claiming capitalism has failed them.

Seen just now on Messenger:

Gambling is all about getting something for nothing and spending thousands of dollars trying to do it.

Shared recently on Reddit:

We all got a little Barbie in us (the microplastics).

Making waves on Pinterest:

When life gives you lemons maybe think to yourself, “that’s really quite remarkable given how far I live from a climate capable of growing citrus.”

Shared recently on Facebook:

I can’t work under these festive conditions.

Spotted on Snapchat:

I hope I find $10,000 on the floor later.

Broadcasted on Slack:

Balloons are so weird. “Happy birthday, here’s a plastic sack of my breath.”

Breaking via TikTok:

You ever want someone so bad it pisses you off a little.

Trending via Messenger:

Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.

Welcome to your 40s. “I’m too old for this shit” is now your excuse and explanation for everything.

2 months ago

0

Welcome to your 40s. “I’m too old for this shit” is now your excuse and explanation for everything.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Ah, the magical age of 40s where 'I'm too old for this shit' becomes your catchphrase and your superpower. No longer just an excuse, but a way of life! Embrace it and watch as responsibilities magically disappear (or at least, that's the plan)."

40s, age, aging, everything, excuse, explanation, humor, laugh, life, old

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Help, I accidentally used dark humor with normal people, and now they’re concerned for my mental health.

0

3 days ago

accidental, accidental humor, accidentally, awkwardness, concern, dark, dark humor, health, help, humor, i, mental, mental health, normal, normal people, people, social, social awkwardness, used
The Velvet Underground probably wouldn’t have been so influential if I was at their shows with a giant magnet and pulled their guitars out of their hands.

0

1 month ago

band, concert, giant, giant magnet, guitar, hands, humor, i, influence, magnet, music, shows, The Velvet Underground, underground, velvet
I’m so smart, I got rid of cable and now I only have $638 in monthly streaming services.

0

2 months ago

cable, humor, i, money, monthly, only, rid, services, smart, streaming
Coworker: Where are you going after work? Me: Away from you.

0

2 months ago

after, after work, away, banter, comedy, coworker, going, humor, joke, me, office, office banter, playful, sarcasm, where, witty, work, workplace
The time I spend, just thinking about food, is kind of embarrassing.

0

2 months ago

craving, eating, embarrassing, embarrassment, food, humor, i, just, kind, spend, thinking, time
The most expensive clothing you’ll ever wear is a hospital gown.

0

2 months ago

clothing, ever, expensive, expensive clothing, fashion, gown, healthcare, hospital, hospital gown, humor, irony, medical, most, wear

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

100 shares on Reddit this month:

You can always tell it’s Monday because nobody’s smiling.

43 shares on Reddit this month:

Getting to the age where I’m like, “Oh, hopefully I’ll be dead by then.”

96 shares on YouTube this month:

Special Offer: Save 100% when you don’t buy anything.

22 shares on Twitch this month:

I can’t stand when people need constant validation online. Like, comment, and retweet if you agree.

86 shares on WhatsApp this month:

My fondest childhood memory is being able to sleep through the entire night and waking up rested.

50 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I’m sorry I roasted you, I was trying to flirt.

24 shares on Threads this month:

“So, what are your hobbies?” Oh, I can’t afford any.

37 shares on WeChat this month:

Don’t be part of the problem. Be all of it.

43 shares on Instagram this month:

Liquor store clerk: “Do you need help?” Me: “Yes, but I decided to come here instead.”

25 shares on WeChat this month:

WhatsApp shouldn’t just display “seen”, but also “lies” and “also writes with other girls”!

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Calling the police when someone unfollows.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

I finally became a butterfly, and everyone’s already asking what’s next.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Sometimes I watch people do their jobs, and I’m like, damn, you might benefit from a little imposter syndrome, actually.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

When you wish you could tell someone that won’t stop talking “Okay, we’re out of time today”, just like a therapist.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

All cars should have a rubber bumper all the way around so we can hit each other.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Autocorrect has become our worst enema.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Mayor of a small town is such a wild job. It’s like being the president of a country where you went to high school with the whole population.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

If you aren’t sleeping with me, then you’re sleeping against me.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Descibe your boobs only using a picture of them.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Quitting my job to focus more on my desire not to work anymore.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,510

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇱 has downloaded:

Hopefully it won’t be as bad as it already is.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has bookmarked:

Imagine if social media closed every day at 6pm like a shop.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has bookmarked:

“Stalking”. God forbid I have access to public information and know how to utilize my resources.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has bookmarked:

Marriage! Because your shitty day doesn’t have to end at work.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has copied:

Right before rock bottom, you’ll have a city builder game on your phone.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has shared:

Flirting when bored can really get you into some unwanted situations.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has bookmarked:

I’ll rewind a movie, get on my phone, and miss the same part.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has shared:

Your Honor, that doesn’t sound like me.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has copied:

Hell hath no fury like a sports bra being applied to a just showered but not 100% dry body.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has downloaded:

I have a great poker face because I have no idea what’s going on.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Messenger:

This wouldn’t happen to me if I were a huge dragon.

Trending via Pinterest:

I think if you ask Kanye for a million at the right time, he’ll give it to you.

Live now on YouTube:

The older I get, the more I understand why witches lived alone in the woods.

Spotted on Twitch:

Does anyone have the number of the witch from Snow White? I need a few apples.

Just landed via Instagram:

Me, telling my kids we’re leaving in 30 minutes: We’re leaving in 5 minutes.

Making waves on Slack:

Mice after a breakup be like “we are not on squeaking terms”.

Freshly posted on X:

Marriage is scary, what if he doesn’t want our house to look like my Pinterest board.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

Nobody can ragebait as successfully as your own mother can.

Just landed via Facebook:

My guardian angel is taking the longest smoking break in recorded history.

Just shared via Instagram:

Money is always a motive for murder. Stay broke.

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