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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇲🇪 has viewed:

People always ask me “Do you believe in God?” and I say of course it’s important to have self-belief.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has bookmarked:

Sweet, but twisted. Does that make me a candy cane?

Someone from 🇰🇳 has downloaded:

Cloud 9 is a very high place to fall from.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has downloaded:

Nice to finally get back that hour they stole earlier this year.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has bookmarked:

I’ll find a cell mate before I’ll ever find a soulmate.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has downloaded:

I already want to take a nap tomorrow.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has shared:

Who called it a biological clock and not an egg timer?

Someone from 🇹🇹 has viewed:

Maybe in another universe, I punched him in the face instead of staying quiet.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has copied:

Well, well, well, if it isn’t the same bill I couldn’t afford to pay in a different color.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has bookmarked:

Of course babies cry when flying, their entire understanding of planes centers around them being eaten.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2316 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,478

Funny Quotes Topics

15,183

Funny Quotes Images

12,478

22 minutes ago

3,448

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on TikTok:

No matter how small you make that “unsubscribe” link, I’ll still find it.

Trending via WeChat:

So many people say they love their Roomba, but you never see them set it free.

Breaking via Messenger:

Several of my internal organs hurt, but I’m 100% sure it’s not my body trying to tell me something.

Going viral on Messenger:

Someone told me I’ve gained weight. I told them it was for a part in a movie. I’ve never acted in my life. Until that moment.

Just landed via Slack:

Even on the coldest of days, there’s such peace found in the warm embrace of a hot pizza.

Just landed via TikTok:

‘Blinded by the Light’ is really just a song about turning the bathroom light on in the middle of the night.

Going viral on Twitch:

My husband cleaned the kitchen for the first time in years. He’s in the living room, dressed in a suit, waiting for the award ceremony to commence.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

Don’t blame a clown for acting like a clown. Ask yourself why you keep going to the circus.

Going viral on Discord:

So, if I take out a reverse mortgage on my house does that mean I’ll own a bank after 30 years?

Broadcasted on X:

If I say “First of all,” run away, because I have prepared research, data, charts and I will totally prove you wrong.

Welcome to your 40s. “I’m too old for this shit” is now your excuse and explanation for everything.

5 months ago

Welcome to your 40s. “I’m too old for this shit” is now your excuse and explanation for everything.

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Commentary:
"Ah, the magical age of 40s where 'I'm too old for this shit' becomes your catchphrase and your superpower. No longer just an excuse, but a way of life! Embrace it and watch as responsibilities magically disappear (or at least, that's the plan)."

40s, age, aging, everything, excuse, explanation, humor, laugh, life, old

Response

Username: ChillWaffle99 Full Name:

Feb 25, 2025

Well, I’m glad to announce I’ve been using the “I’m too old for this shit” line since my mid-20s. Guess it’s official now! It’s my saving grace from unsolicited life scenarios. Bring it on, 40s, I’ve got my go-to excuse locked and loaded! 🎯💁‍♂️😂

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2316 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,478

Funny Quotes Topics

15,183

Funny Quotes Images

12,478

22 minutes ago

3,432

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

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Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇹 has downloaded:

My lawyer dropped his briefcase and nunchuks fell out.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has copied:

You’d think the thing in my house with the most cat hair on it would be my cat.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has copied:

There’s really nothing as pathetic as watching a sad little man argue with Grok in hopes of manipulating the conversation to get an answer he wants.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has downloaded:

I refuse to listen to anyone give commentary on the state of society unless it’s in a TikTok video filmed inside their car.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has bookmarked:

I’ve been blocked, unfollowed, and unfriended, but I’ve never been told I’m bad in bed.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has downloaded:

I think nervous flatulence would be helpful if you were ever kidnapped.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has downloaded:

Girl math is deactivating social media accounts to avoid only one person.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has shared:

So grateful for pillows. My head works hard, it deserves its own bed.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has copied:

They should have a section on the wing of the plane where people can go out for a cigarette.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has downloaded:

Babymaking music but it’s the Benny Hill theme song.

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via WhatsApp:

“You’re a psychopath!” At least I’m on a path, babe, sort your life out.

Reported on Reddit:

That incredible ability of cats to only throw up on carpeted floors.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

Where do I see myself in 5 years? I don’t even know where I am right now.

Shared recently on X:

I love airports because the rules of society don’t apply. Eat a pizza and have a glass of wine at 7 am while in track pants. Nobody cares.

Freshly posted on Slack:

I’m not like other girls. I don’t have a podcast.

Spotted on Snapchat:

Chuck Norris can rub two fires together to get a piece of wood.

Going viral on Twitch:

Do people who do triathlons know that they don’t have to?

Seen just now on Reddit:

Inventing the Grinch: “Santa needs a Wario!”

Spreading quickly via LinkedIn:

Love to come home after a long day’s work and relax with one thousand short-form videos.

Reported on Instagram:

I did some soul searching last night. I’m happy to report I still have one.

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