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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇧 has downloaded:

Nobody stresses a woman out more than a man who isn’t her man yet.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has bookmarked:

Only a fool would use the toothbrush the dentist gives you. You think the dentist would freely hand you the tools that would keep them away?

Someone from 🇧🇪 has bookmarked:

I don’t understand construction. Like, how do they know what to do next?

Someone from 🇹🇬 has viewed:

Women in movies look so beautiful when they sleep. Meanwhile, I’m tossing and turning all night like a forgotten 7-Eleven hot dog.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has bookmarked:

If my fingers don’t motion like scissors snipping when I ask for a haircut at the salon, how will they know what I mean?

Someone from 🇲🇪 has shared:

I use karate strictly as a last resort, after I’ve exhausted fleeing and screaming.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has copied:

Caesar, looking shocked: “Is it bring your knife to work day or something?”

Someone from 🇸🇻 has downloaded:

The rumors of my will to live have been greatly exaggerated.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has shared:

Me, watching porn: they’re just going to let that pizza get cold?

Someone from 🇬🇷 has viewed:

My mom and all her opinions are visiting this weekend.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

234 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,503

Funny Quotes Topics

17,569

Funny Quotes Images

15,503

Jan 6, 2026

3,287

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Discord:

I have 206 bones, 650 muscles and 50 billion cells in my body. It takes time to wake up all of them up in the morning.

Freshly posted on Slack:

Randomly hearing your favorite song is more satisfying than putting it on yourself.

Going viral on Pinterest:

Since I’ve stayed away from most people, I get on much better with people.

Just shared via Messenger:

There’s a great new book on minimalism but I only read the blurb because I believe that’s what the author would want.

Breaking via Slack:

Asian girl at tech company: Wow, everyone here is so friendly.

Spreading quickly via Messenger:

Any day now, there will be a child born and named Labubu.

Going viral on Slack:

A dating app for people who self sabotage called Hinder.

Seen just now on YouTube:

How silly of me to forget that I am the love of my life.

Going viral on Messenger:

Mondays are for pretending. Real work begins on Tuesday.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

“You never reply to messages.” I am just one person, okay? I am understaffed.

What we need is more companies making hot sauce. I need 900 more ways to taste a thing that tastes exactly like all the other ones.

2 months ago

0

What we need is more companies making hot sauce. I need 900 more ways to taste a thing that tastes exactly like all the other ones.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Well, well, well, if it isn't the spiciest take on the condiment game! 🌶️🔥 Looks like someone's burning up with desire for some variety in their life. 900 more ways to taste the same thing? That's one way to turn up the heat on the culinary scene! 🔥🌶️ Who knew hot sauce could bring out the saucy side in all of us? 😉

absurdity, company, criticism, flavor, food, hot, hot sauce, humor, i, making, need, sauce, taste, thing, variety

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Well, at least my cat is supportive of me doing less and laying around more.

0

2 months ago

around, cat, comfort, doing, humor, humor quote, laying, laziness, least, less, me, pet, relaxation, support, well
I really love playing chess with elderly people in the park, but it’s just really hard to find thirty-two of them willing to do it.

0

2 months ago

activity, chess, elderly, elderly person, funny observation, game, hard, humor, i, just, love, observation, park, patience, people, person, playing, social, social activity
Knowledge is like underwear. It is useful to have it, but not necessary to show it off.

0

2 months ago

humor, knowledge, lesson, life, life lesson, modesty, show, show off, underwear, useful, wisdom
Sometimes I wonder if the plot ever gets tired of being twisted.

0

2 months ago

being, ever, humor, humor quote, i, joke, plot, sarcasm, sometimes, storytelling, tired, twist, twisted, witty, wonder
Opposites often not only attract each other, they often also undress each other.

0

2 months ago

attract, attraction, humor, opposites, relationship, undress
Eating watermelon and minding my own business.

0

6 months ago

business, casual, eating, fruit, humor, minding, minding business, own, relaxation, summer, watermelon

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

96 shares on Reddit this month:

I said “cool tattoo” to be nice not because I wanted to hear the 45 minute origin story.

41 shares on Pinterest this month:

I need to find hobbies that don’t include my debit card.

71 shares on Messenger this month:

Most guys probably just have a foot fetish because their first girlfriend was a sock.

53 shares on Discord this month:

Imagine Pinocchio roasting you for 5 mins straight and his nose didn’t move an inch.

34 shares on Slack this month:

I’m so old and have never even met a woman named Jolene. I’d really like to find her, though. She can have my man.

32 shares on Instagram this month:

“Those tattoos will make it harder to get a job!” Okay, well so will my personality.

18 shares on TikTok this month:

Trying to decide what to burn for dinner, so I can order pizza.

78 shares on Messenger this month:

For whom the Fetty Waps.

32 shares on Snapchat this month:

Kids don’t love anything as much as they love arguing with each other.

94 shares on Reddit this month:

I’m at that point in my life where if a car hit me, I’d probably say thank you to the kind stranger.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

8 folks are currently checking 👀

It’s really sad that April Fools is the only day people are appropriately skeptical of stuff they read on the internet.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Humble enough to know I can be replaced, but wise enough to know ain’t nobody else like me.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Nothing has paid off less than learning to do the Macarena.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Sometimes I delay my haircut intentionally to look rugged just to make that glow-up more iconic.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Stopping a complete stranger on the street and saying, “Let’s end this little charade.”

24 folks are currently checking 👀

A plus of getting older is not having to make as much small talk because half the conversation is spent asking the other person to repeat what they just said.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Trying to watch a superhero movie without stressing about the infrastructure damage to the city.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

The worst thing you can do when cleaning your house is “sit down for a minute.”

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Can we normalize arguing with little kids? They’re so rude.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Since there are no other Vulcans on the enterprise and the crew has no comparison, Spock could be and probably is bullshitting them most of the time.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

234 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,503

Funny Quotes Topics

17,569

Funny Quotes Images

15,503

Updated

Jan 6, 2026

Users Online

3,636

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇶 has viewed:

Nothing bores me like twins who don’t look alike, you should’ve just dropped later if you’re not going to participate.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has shared:

For International Women’s Day, I’m going to celebrate by hitting every curb I see.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has shared:

Sorry I’m late. The door said PULL, but I don’t believe everything I read.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has copied:

“You replied so quickly.” God forbid I wait like a dog to hear from you again.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has copied:

I’ll never be badass enough to walk around chewing on a toothpick.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has shared:

Everybody looks sexier when they are happy.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has downloaded:

There’s nothing more satisfying than the little nap you have after hitting snooze on your alarm.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has shared:

You have never experienced true fear until a poster falls off the wall in the middle of the night.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has shared:

Going to the bathroom at night with my flashlight on and a dog next to me feels like I’m gonna solve a mystery.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has shared:

I don’t wish anyone strife in their relationship but I do wish my neighbors would enunciate a little more when they fight so I can hear better.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on WhatsApp:

What many call beauty can just be wiped off 90% of the time.

Going viral on WeChat:

There’s a cougar warning in my neighborhood, but apparently it’s just a big cat. I bought a case of wine coolers for nothing.

Spotted on Threads:

The worst person you know is in therapy right now, being told they need to put themselves first.

Going viral on WeChat:

Senility is the pits. Spent an hour driving around the mall parking lot looking for my car.

Going viral on Facebook:

I’ve used dark mode so much that I’m physically repulsed by white screens now.

Making waves on Telegram:

For Halloween, you should be mine.

Spotted on Slack:

I’m not mad, I just hope your socks slide off in your shoe all day.

Trending via Facebook:

You know the trouble with real life? There’s no danger music.

Making waves on YouTube:

Do you say “Excuse me” to your pet when you walk by them, or are you rude?

Going bananas on Reddit:

When someone asks me what my dream job is, it’s just like “I don’t know dude, I don’t dream about jobs”

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