When you’re young, weekends are for fun. When you’re older, they’re for recovery.

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I don’t need to grow a thick skin. The world needs to grow fewer thorns.

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Why do men have birthdays? It’s not like they’re growing up.

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If chickens knew how good they tasted, they would understand.

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In banana years, I am bread.

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I’d like to thank the municipal snow plow for recreating the wall from Game of Thrones at the end of my driveway.

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Why a bug would spend such a long fraction of its short life immobile on my ceiling beats me.

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It’s a good friend who, when you want the truth, knows what truth you want.

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Doing all of this just to die in the end! LMAO!

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There are more bots on here than in Star Wars.