Whenever my Mother-in-Law’s stories end with “And I turned out OK” I’m looking around like who’s gonna tell her.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has bookmarked:

The only running I do is to chase the ice cream truck.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has viewed:

My goal in life is to not have to commit seppuku.

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If you wait until the last minute to do something, it only takes a minute to do it.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has downloaded:

There is no such thing as fun for the whole family.

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Voice messages. Just call, goddamnit!

Someone from 🇨🇦 has viewed:

Every McDonald’s should have a flag they fly at half mast when the ice cream machine is down.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has viewed:

How long does it take for an apple to turn brown after you cut it? Never mind.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has bookmarked:

Weekends are a scam, you spend one day exhausted and the other day anxious. Like, what the hell was that?

Someone from 🇱🇮 has shared:

Don’t drink to forget me, you’ll end up seeing me double.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has bookmarked:

No, I love darkness at 5pm and the death of a nation.