Where do cicadas go when they’re not screaming? I’d like to go there and scream.

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Humanity doesn’t always make a compelling case for its continued existence.

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The toughest part of being a vegan is keeping it to yourself.

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Petition to change the name of rice cakes to something else as they are 100% rice and 0% cake and I’m tired of all the gaslighting.

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If there’s ever an alien invasion, I hope it doesn’t start while I’m asleep. I hate being woken up before my alarm.

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Of all the things to lose why couldn’t it have been my appetite and not my mind.

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Ending my thesis paper with “but who cares what I think?”

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My teenager has really expensive taste for someone who can’t afford to buy their own toothpaste.

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I’ll stop being so lazy when being so lazy stops being so awesome.

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According to the amount of bacon I just cooked. I’m a family of 8.

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Seven wives and no alcohol? No thanks, Mormons.