Where do I see myself in 5 years? I don’t even know where I am right now.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has downloaded:

Airlines be like: “Oh, wow. Oh, God. We didn’t think everyone would bring a bag!”

Someone from 🇭🇹 has downloaded:

If you see me out running, you should run too, because something is definitely chasing me.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has downloaded:

My boss wants me to train some other employees so it’s pretty obvious he has no idea I am completely incompetent.

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The first 120 hours after the weekend are always the worst.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has bookmarked:

Get a puppy if you are in the market for a best friend who gets you up early so she can bite you excitedly.

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No more relationships for me, the last one was an embarrassment to my gangsta.

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Just emerged from my Y2K bunker. Everybody okay?

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I hate when people tell me I need to “get out of my comfort zone,” like I don’t even have a comfort zone; I am literally always uncomfortable.

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Sleeping is nice, because you’re not actually dead and you’re not awake, so its a win-win situation.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has copied:

Another beautiful day without using sin, tan and cos.