Trending Funny Quotes 👇

  • Just read the Ten Commandments for the first time and you can’t do shit with your neighbor.
  • The only thing you can count on with some people is that you can’t count on them.
  • Now that I’m in my mid-forties, I think I’ll take up parkour.
  • If you’re alone on Thanksgiving, venmo me $25 and I’ll call and ask you when are you gonna get a “real” job and give me grandchildren.
  • Harmonicas are basically for people who like to hear music while they spit.
  • I get most of my exercise these days from shaking my head in disbelief.