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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇿 has copied:

My favorite military tradition is asking someone what an acronym means right after they use it, and they don’t know what it means.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has shared:

I made you something special for Mother’s Day, my kid threatened.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has copied:

My big 3? Yapping, napping & snacking!

Someone from 🇳🇴 has shared:

LinkedIn: where you desperately hope that one idiot you had a drink with six years ago can somehow help get you a job.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has viewed:

Totally unrealistic movie title: “The Postman Always Rings Twice”. We all know that these guys only ring once and then leave.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has copied:

I like to swear a lot so that people will keep their kids away from me.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has viewed:

And is this “year-end bonus” in the room with us right now?

Someone from 🇫🇯 has viewed:

I have neither the patience nor the crayons to show you why this is a bad idea.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has shared:

If you gain 4 pounds in one weekend, that just means you’re an overachiever.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has copied:

You know Santa isn’t real because no man over 40 is out past 9PM.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

643 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,236

Funny Quotes Topics

17,359

Funny Quotes Images

15,236

Dec 30, 2025

3,606

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Snapchat:

My career plan? Win the lottery and disappear.

Trending via Slack:

As someone with OCD, I can’t help but respect how Pringles are just like, no, this is the order you must eat them in.

Spotted on Twitch:

When I gain weight, I should get to designate where on my body it goes.

Spotted on Threads:

Sex is great, but have you ever had your alarm go off and then realize you don’t have to get up today?

Shared recently on TikTok:

Cynics are – beneath it all – only idealists with awkwardly high standards.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

Men be like: I would love the opportunity to give you the bare minimum.

Seen just now on YouTube:

Fact: WhatsApp is the most boring app if you’re single.

Trending via WhatsApp:

It’s leg day. No, not at the gym, dummy. I’m shaving them.

Spotted on WeChat:

I told myself I’d behave today. Then I saw my reflection and thought, maybe tomorrow.

Freshly posted on Discord:

I need a long hot meteor shower.

Why is bacon called bacon and cookies called cookies if you cook bacon and bake cookies?

2 months ago

0

Why is bacon called bacon and cookies called cookies if you cook bacon and bake cookies?

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Isn't it amusing how bacon isn't baked, and cookies aren't cooked? 🥓🍪 It's like the culinary world is playing a game of word swap with us! Maybe someone should remind bacon to 'get out of the oven,' and cookies to 'sizzle' in the pan! 😄🍳 #FoodForThought"

bacon, bake, cook, cooky, culinary, food, funny observation, humor, language, observation, wordplay

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Sane is boring.

0

2 months ago

boring, fun, humor, personality, sane
“What do you do for a living?” I do my best.

0

5 months ago

attitude, best, effort, humor, i, job, life, living, work
I asked Tom Hanks for his autograph, but all he wrote was thanks.

0

2 months ago

asked, autograph, celebrity, hanks, humor, i, misunderstanding, signature, thanks, tom, Tom Hanks
Millennials are just 30-40-year-olds who look 20-30 years old and feel 80-90 years old.

0

2 months ago

2030, age, age difference, appearance, difference, feel, feeling, humor, just, millennials, old
Why is everyone so chill about parrots being able to talk? That’s a whole animal. Talking.

0

2 months ago

able, animal, animal behavior, behavior, being, chill, everyone, humor, parrot, talk, talking, whole, why
I’m not lazy, I’m an inactivist.

0

2 months ago

humor, inactivist, irony, lazy, motivation, procrastination

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

72 shares on Twitch this month:

People in my real life annoy me, so I come online to annoy you.

15 shares on WeChat this month:

Ninety percent of my new follows are beautiful women, which tells me one thing: I’ve still got it!

75 shares on Instagram this month:

If it hurts you more than it hurts them, you are holding the taser wrong.

17 shares on YouTube this month:

Welcome to Twitter, where everyone is an expert on everything.

53 shares on TikTok this month:

Professor, set the time machine for right now. I’m trying to be more present.

13 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Not arguing with people anymore, I’m just gonna say “it makes sense that you would think that”.

96 shares on Twitch this month:

A little mystery is the sweetest seduction.

31 shares on Twitch this month:

Men are only nice for 3 weeks, then surprise you with another personality.

25 shares on Instagram this month:

Oh, you’re in a situationship? Are you the one with commitment issues or the one with low self-worth?

84 shares on Instagram this month:

Never in the history of calming down has anyone calmed down after being told to calm down.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

10 folks are currently checking 👀

The female ability to be able to guess exactly which girl it is out of his 740 following.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Babies will literally step on your face just to grab what they want.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Nature just builds 30 foot trees. Without even pulling a permit.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

I hurt my bottom after shaking it at the office party. It was a twerk-place injury.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Instead of cleaning my house, I just watch episodes of hoarders on TV and then I think “Wow, my house looks awesome!”

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Amazing how fast my addiction to my phone is cured the moment I get a phone call.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

If stupidity got us into this mess, then why can’t it get us out?

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Please no more relationships that are supposed to be a lesson. I’m already quite the scholar.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Maybe this is the Windows software update that changes everything for me.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

The note on this boxed wine says ‘Fresh up to 6 weeks after opening’. 6 weeks. Lol.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

643 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,236

Funny Quotes Topics

17,359

Funny Quotes Images

15,236

Updated

Dec 30, 2025

Users Online

3,612

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇳 has copied:

My mom asked me to hand out invitations for my brother’s surprise birthday party, and that’s when I realized he was the favorite twin.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has shared:

Go ahead and use that semi-colon; no one will know you’re doing it wrong.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has shared:

Be a pineapple: stand tall, wear a crown, and be sweet on the inside.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has copied:

Thinking the bodega owner likes you is exactly the same as thinking the stripper likes you.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has downloaded:

Ruining the Olympics for my fiancée by, every time they mention Paris, saying, “that’s where Ratatouille lived”.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has shared:

If the line at the grocery store takes longer than 10 minutes, the candy beside the checkout should be free.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has viewed:

December, give me a sweet ending for this year please.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has copied:

People need to understand the difference between want and need. Like, I want abs, but I need chocolate.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has bookmarked:

Being single: When you don’t have to wait for someone to watch the next Netflix episode.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has bookmarked:

Me as the therapist: “Listen, just take a nap!”

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via TikTok:

Of course, my summer body is ready; it’s the same as my winter body but sweatier.

Seen just now on Telegram:

Insomnia sharpens your math skills because you spend all night calculating how much sleep you’ll get if you’re able to ‘fall asleep right now.’

Making waves on LinkedIn:

Co-worker: You look so unapproachable. Me: Yet, here you are.

Shared recently on Discord:

I think I may need professional help. A chef, a butler and a maid should do it!

Broadcasted on WhatsApp:

Humans are just chaos wrapped in meat, going bananas on caffeine.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

Breakfast in bed: cute in theory, gross in practice.

Breaking via Twitch:

Today’s youth will never experience the pain of spending all their pocket money on a music album. Because of ONE good song!

Shared recently on Facebook:

I’m sorry, I didn’t realize that you’re an expert on my life and how I should live it! Please continue while I take notes.

Shared recently on Telegram:

And is this “year-end bonus” in the room with us right now?

Shared recently on Discord:

Love when job applications ask for my desired salary so I can choose between not being hired and being exploited for my work.

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