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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇬 has bookmarked:

If there’s one thing I’m good at, it’s being annoyed by stupidity.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has copied:

I lied, I’m jealous. I hope every girl who looks at you gets clipped by a meteor.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has viewed:

Girls Just Want To Have Naan

Someone from 🇦🇱 has copied:

I wish I could join, but I’m busy plotting revenge because my kids laughed when I showed them I can shake it better than Shakira.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has bookmarked:

A big part of aging is accumulating keys and not knowing what they’re for.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has viewed:

I have this epiphany every night that I need to turn it up a notch.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has copied:

Getting an entry-level job before the release of ChatGPT in 2022 was like taking the last chopper out of Vietnam. Few realize this yet.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has viewed:

I love how bananas just take over the whole smoothie. You can never dim her light.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has downloaded:

Being old is basically trying to figure out what part of the body the noise is coming from, and why.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has bookmarked:

That’s me in the corner, that’s me in the spotlight, begging for my cat’s attention.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Jan 19, 2026

3,598

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on YouTube:

Deleting the paragraph you wrote and texting back “ok” is a different type of self-control.

Spreading quickly via Slack:

Can’t. I’m busy taking this Buzzfeed quiz to find out what kind of potato I am.

Breaking via Pinterest:

I would go out of my mind, but I can’t find the exit.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

How did they get kids to pose for oil paintings? Mine won’t sit still for 4 seconds for a family photo.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

Spotify Wrapped: February was your basketball watermelon loudspeaker phone call hip hop moment.

Spreading quickly via Discord:

It’s funny we got universal near-perfect free translation, and the world didn’t really change at all.

Spotted on Pinterest:

Today I broke my personal record for most consecutive days lived.

Seen just now on Telegram:

True bravery is getting a text from a woman with three questions in it, and only responding to one.

Shared recently on Twitch:

Public urination isn’t a crime if you do it in your pants.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

Everyone thinks they won’t be that couple that goes from ‘everything you do is a turn-on’ to ‘you’re breathing too loud,’ but they will be, oh, they will be.

Yes, liquor store clerk, I do need help. But I decided to come here instead.

3 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Well, when life gives you lemons, trade them for tequila! 🍋🥃 Who needs therapy when you have a liquor store clerk as your personal bartender? 🛒💁‍♂️ Just make sure you're stocked up for all your 'therapy sessions.' 😉"

alcohol, clerk, context, decision, help, here, humor, i, liquor, need, store, yes

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Social Media Stars ⭐

22 shares on Snapchat this month:

There should be an opposite of Valentine’s Day where you post Instagram photos of your enemy.

19 shares on Messenger this month:

If you’re happy and you know it, you’re clearly not paying enough attention.

98 shares on Pinterest this month:

When things get hot, they expand, so I’m just getting warmer, not gaining weight.

47 shares on Messenger this month:

When life gives you lemons, take the lemons. They were a gift. Maybe life thought you liked lemons. Did you think about that? No, you’re always thinking about yourself.

14 shares on YouTube this month:

Sure, you can invite more people to the plans we made 2 months ago. The more, the merrier. Also, I’m not going now.

18 shares on Discord this month:

I decided to be me and now we have a problem.

85 shares on TikTok this month:

No time like now to start “flossing regularly” before tomorrow’s dental appointment.

86 shares on Reddit this month:

My superpower is giving you the middle finger using my eyes only.

94 shares on WeChat this month:

Marry someone the same size as you to avoid decades of annoyance adjusting the seats and mirrors in the car.

85 shares on Telegram this month:

Not to brag, but I don’t fight with people on the internet.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

16 folks are currently checking 👀

“At your big age” is one of my favorite insults.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

I was telling my sister that I’ve been going to the gym recently, and my nephew said, “You should go inside when you get there,” and I don’t think I’ll ever recover from that.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

The best part of Thanksgiving is being with family and friends, and a vast array of pies.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

When science finally locates the center of the universe, some people will be surprised to learn they’re not it.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

I noticed my mouse problem is back an I yelled at my cats for being lazy and not doing their job, like I was in a Tom and Jerry cartoon.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

I know I just ate a snack, but I could really use a snack.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Bottle of Worcestershire sauce tipped over in my fridge. The mess is unpronounceable.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

To get my cat to eat, I tell him about all the hungry cats in Catfrica.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

If I’m ever the problem, you’re the reason.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

French fries are like the lifeboats on the Titanic. They never give you enough.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 19, 2026

Users Online

3,680

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇦 has viewed:

I switched from coffee to orange juice and told my doctor I felt better. He said it’s the vitamin C and natural sugars, but I think it’s the vodka.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has copied:

People who take naps are the real heroes. It takes courage to wake up twice in one day.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has shared:

You have hopes and dreams. I have nopes and screams.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has downloaded:

My New Year’s resolution is to procrastinate. I’Il start tomorrow.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has bookmarked:

I talk to one guy, and he wants to break my heart. I talk to five guys, and they all wanna take me seriously.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has shared:

A large group of people is called an “eww, no thank you”

Someone from 🇯🇲 has viewed:

I love Fleetwood Mac, but “thunder only happens when it’s raining” is just not true.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has shared:

If I was the inventor of healing, I would have made it linear, I can tell you that much.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has downloaded:

It’s normal that my retirement plan is 100% contingent on me finding buried treasure at some point, right?

Someone from 🇻🇺 has downloaded:

Meds have done more for me than any man ever could.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Slack:

When I was young I fixed my parents’ computer and now that I’m older I fix computers for my kids. Are we the only generation that knows how computers work?

Freshly posted on WeChat:

I’m not drunk enough for this Teams meeting.

Broadcasted on Reddit:

I was walking near a construction site today and heard the foreman yell, “You’re doing a good job!” I know that was meant for me.

Seen just now on Threads:

Wondering when these skinny jeans are gonna kick in.

Live now on YouTube:

Every email sent to me should end with ‘but if your tummy is hurting, don’t worry about it.’

Seen just now on Instagram:

I’m retired. I was tired yesterday and I’m tired again today.

Making waves on Reddit:

Every time I see a dog with its head out a window, I know it’s having a better day than I am.

Just shared via TikTok:

Hey man, just wanted to reach out and say I loved how much you drank at my wedding last night.

Spotted on Snapchat:

I listen to a lot of white noise, so I get really excited when it rains or someone turns on a fan. It’s like seeing my favorite band live.

Trending via Messenger:

For the record, I use a turntable.

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