Trendy Funny Quotes

  • Considering that doctors are never on time, they should tell you to come a half hour late, not early.
  • Imagine how scary sharks would be if they wore necklaces made out of our teeth.
  • Me, when someone’s obsessed with me: Yikes! Me, when someone’s not obsessed with me: WTF?
  • I see stand-up comedy as a stepping stone to television. A few more paid gigs and I’ll be able to afford a television.
  • I’m sorry, but when you call me ‘batshit crazy’ it’s almost starting to sound like you think it’s a bad thing!
  • I’m sorry I didn’t text you back. I’m really busy watching the The Lord of The Rings in the form of mini clips on TikTok.