You didn’t get fired, your job “fumbled you”.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has copied:

I feel like we’re on like the 50th or 60th horseman of the apocalypse by now.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has bookmarked:

Marriage is 33.3% hiding to eat snacks because you and your spouse are supposed to be on a diet.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has viewed:

I’m on this new diet where I don’t consume anything that talks to me before the first coffee.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has downloaded:

Sorry I didn’t get you an anniversary card, babe, but you opted in to paperless affection on our third date.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has shared:

Don’t invite me anywhere in the last minute. I enjoy doing nothing, so I need to know ahead of time if my plan to do nothing needs to be changed.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has downloaded:

Opening up is like talking to a cop: anything you say can and will be used against you.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has bookmarked:

Even before the internet, I always had a little side chat going on in my head.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has bookmarked:

Employees should have to take their boss’s last name.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has copied:

The dude who invented the autocorrect has died. Restaurant in piece.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has shared:

Alexa, mute my children.